7 Reasons Why Remarriage Can Be Better Than You Imagined

Last updated on: March 7, 2021 at 10:49 am by Terry Gaspard

7 Reasons Why Remarriage Can Be Better Than You Imagined 2021-03-07T10:49:42-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The key ingredients to a successful remarriage are selecting a partner who is realistic about the challenges ahead and willing to work through the inevitable hard times of blending families. Although second marriages have a higher divorce rate that first ones, they can be even better than firsts if you approach your partnership with your eyes wide open and adopt a mindset of “We’re in this together.”

It’s normal to feel disillusioned about marriage if you’ve endured a divorce and gone through emotional pain and perhaps some financial loss. Then there’s the available census data telling us that second marriages have a 65% divorce rate compared to 50% for first time marriages.

But in spite of these facts, you might decide that you’re up for the challenge that comes with a second marriage. However, it’s key to pause and examine what went wrong in your first marriage – and create a vision for a successful second one.

Kylie and Tom have been remarried for ten years and each have two children from their first marriages. It wasn’t always easy to blend their four children and they dealt with rivalries between their kids. Tom’s two sons and Kylie’s two daughters don’t always get along but are learning to share spaces in their home on the days that they all reside together (all of them spend time with their biological parents).

Create a Vision for Your Remarriage

Creating a positive vision for remarriage is an important first step to making your second marriage a success. Everyone has baggage that can cause them to sabotage a new relationship if they haven’t healed and worked through the issues that contributed to the demise of their first marriage.

Taking your time to decide the kind of marriage that would work for you can be a silver lining to divorce because you’ll be more likely to go into your second marriage with realistic expectations. And the fact of the matter is that you can create a happy second marriage if you give yourself permission to be vulnerable and take risks. One way to do this is to have a weekly “Stress-reducing conversation” about your vision and dreams for your future. Focus on listening and validating your unique perspectives, take notes, and set goals together for your marriage.

7 reasons second marriages are better than you imagined:

You have a clearer vision about what you want from a relationship. Divorce has taught you what relationship dynamic promotes your best self. A second marriage is an opportunity to approach commitment with your eyes wide open.

You are making a decision based on strength and choice rather than fear of being alone. For instance, you may have felt a nagging doubt about tying the knot with your ex-spouse, but proceeded anyway due to feelings of obligation or fear of being alone.

You are smarter about love. Since you’ve learned from the past, you’re less likely to repeat it. And you’ve learned to separate the past from the present and have begun to live in the present. Therapy and/or keeping a journal can help you achieve these objectives.

Rather than trying to “fix’ your partner, you focus on improving your own life. Many individuals focus on changing their partner and avoid dealing with their own issues. Rather than investing your energy into fixing your partner, you’ve made a commitment to improve some of your undesirable traits – since we’re all flawed in some way.

You’ve learned to communicate honestly about key issues in your relationship. Sweeping things under the rug usually doesn’t reap good results. In your second marriage, you make sure to be forthcoming about your concerns and express thoughts, feelings, and wishes in a respectful way. Challenging your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts help you to let go of hurt feelings. When we listen to our partner’s side of the story and process it briefly with them, we no longer need to hold onto hurt feelings.

You practice forgiveness on a daily basis. As a result**,** you apologize to your partner when appropriate and accept his or her apologies. This validates their feelings and promotes good will. Forgiveness is not the same as condoning the hurt done to you but it will allow you to move on.
You know the value of having mutual respect for your partner and being there for each other through all of the ups and downs of married life.

Keep in mind that maintaining an open dialogue with all family members and being tolerant of each other’s views is essential to blending families. In order to do this, focus more on listening than talking and remember to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Taking short breaks when things get heated up is important as long as you revisit the touchy topics that arise within two days. Also, make a point to spend time alone as a couple weekly and establish a routine of family time enjoying activities such as pizza and movie night or game nights.

Find Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award-winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Her new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around was published by Sounds True on February 18, 2020.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

intimacy

remarriage

Previous Post

February 27, 2021

How Do I Get My Husband to Stop Ignoring Me?

Next Post

March 14, 2021 What Really Happens During Marriage Counseling Sessions?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What disaster did Joseph predict would happen to Egypt?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Great fire Flood Plague of locusts Seven-year famine