Long-Distance Love and The COVID-19 Pandemic

Last updated on: February 21, 2021 at 11:32 am by Terry Gaspard

Long-Distance Love and The COVID-19 Pandemic 2021-02-21T11:32:54-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

In a recently-released article by Anggun Bawinur for The Good Men Project’s website, the writer unpacks the challenges of a long-distance relationship amidst the pandemic. Drawing on his perspective of being in an especially long, long-distance partnership — in his case, a romance in which one partner is in Canada and the other is in Southeast Asia — Bawinur shares the very relatable feelings of isolation, uncertainty, and the ever-changing dynamics of COVID-19 rates. He also discusses relevant issues in different countries, each of which has a particular set of rules and restrictions on travel that impact long-distance relationships in 2021.

Along with the rest of the world, Bawinur struggled with anxiety, “wallowing in misery and sadness.” Because the pandemic has seemingly become a crisis without no definitive end in sight, Bawinur turned depression and disconnection into a set of 5 simple tips that have helped save her long-distance relationship.

First, Bawinur relates the nearly universal lack of control we all feel over the external circumstances that have come to define our internal lives. Rather than place undue and unproductive focus on her relationship — a love that she could not nurture and foster in person — Bawinur decided to turn her focus inward. She explored new interests, developed new hobbies, and tried to concentrate on what she could indeed control.

Her second tip is to try and work together with your partner, even in the face of a fight or disagreement. Pointing out that “nothing is more annoying than going to bed angry,” Bawinur also created an open dialogue with her partner in which they could feel safe and comfortable. For instance, “pressing pause” on an argument that couldn’t reasonably be resolved due to distance — not to mention a 14-hour time difference. Postponing arguments seems to have diffused them, perhaps because partners can take time to gain a healthier perspective when they take a break from arguing. This is an option that couples might not have if they’re stuck at home together during the pandemic – especially if you reside in tight quarters.

Next, Bawinur suggests “creating a backup plan together.” In other words, she and her partner found it helpful to focus on the promise of a future together, even in spite of the uncertain timeline for an in-person reunion. As she puts it, she and her partner have “hopes for the future… but [they] also feel more relaxed and flexible” without the added pressure of dates, deadlines and the demands that naturally come with long-distance relationships.

Bawinur’s fourth tip, while perhaps counterintuitive, seems likely to relieve some of the stresses confronting long-distance couples. As she says “leave some space for alone time.” While she acknowledges the disconnect of taking time apart when you’re already physically separated, Bawinur writes that “most long-distance couples underestimate this activity of making space to help the relationship grow. I used to think taking days off from communicating intensely for a day or two won’t make any difference, but I was wrong. It does have some good and positive effects. The relationship feels fresh again, and our connection gets deeper because we’ve missed each other.”

One couple I counseled recently via Telehealth, spoke about the intensity of being on-line about ten hours a day between work and communicating with each other, and the value of taking one or two days off for a stress reducing day that might include more time for activities such as reflection, reading, walking outside, yoga, cooking, or listening to music.

Justin reflects, “At first Michelle took it personally when I told her I needed to unplug a few nights a week and take a break from communicating with her. But after she realized she felt pressured to talk or communicate via zoom or text every day, we both agreed to adopt two stress reducing days a week that we don’t communicate unless something urgent comes up.”

Finally, Bawinur’s fifth tip draws on sage advice that is sure to help couples stay happy and healthy, pandemic or not. Simply put, she says “don’t compare your relationship with others.” Indeed, measuring our lives, love and accomplishments against our perception of others is unproductive in general.

But, as Bawinur rightly observes, we live in the age of social media, and many long-distance couples have a lot of time on their hands to browse the profiles and friends, family and colleagues, who naturally try to present the “picture perfect life.” Resisting this urge is key to recognizing your own strengths, and to putting hurdles in a long-distance relationship into their proper perspective.

Find Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award-winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website. Her new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around was published by Sounds True on February 18, 2020.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

love

Marriage

Previous Post

February 13, 2021

7 Ways to Help Your Teenager Cope With Your Divorce

Next Post

February 27, 2021 How Do I Get My Husband to Stop Ignoring Me?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the term for a Christian song of praise or worship?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Sonnet Psalm Hymn Chant