Can Taking a Break or Separating Preserve My Marriage?

Last updated on: February 23, 2019 at 11:58 am by Terry Gaspard

Can Taking a Break or Separating Preserve My Marriage? 2019-02-23T11:58:24-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

For some couples, a separation may be a reasonable alternative to divorce if both partners are willing to work on themselves. A planned marital separation can sometimes save a marriage. According to author Tinatin Japaeridze, what some refer to as one’s “need for space from a partner” is a legitimate cry for just that – space. She posits that both men and women sometimes need quiet time to find what’s vital to their relationship.

Based on my counseling experience, marital separation can be a double edged sword. On the one hand, it can allow a couple time to deal with the issues that are pulling them apart without the emotional intensity that comes with living together. If planned in a thoughtful way, they can agree to meet regularly to work on their issues and air their grievances. Implied in this approach is hope that the relationship might repair and continue if both partners are on the same page. Some refer to this break time as pressing the pause rather than the stop button.

However, time apart can cause some people to further detach from one another and be disappointed when they reunite and find the same patterns of annoying behaviors exist. This is especially true if one or both partners don’t take responsibility for their part in the breakdown of the relationship. Many experts advise that taking a break only delays the inevitable. Only you know what is the most likely outcome for your situation.

Truth be told, a break can be a healthy antidote for you and your partner if you both commit to working on your relationship with the intention of dealing with the issues that divide you. The phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder characterizes couples who don’t have extremely high conflict or abuse and are receptive to counseling to work on their communication and connection patterns.

8 Tips for taking a break from a relationship:

Be specific, honest, and vulnerable about your concerns and what the break will look like. Don’t worry about pleasing your partner because this is the time to assert your needs.
Set boundaries and expectations. This includes ground rules and expectations such as talking about the duration of the break. Discuss whether you can date others. Can you text or call each other daily? Is it okay to have sexual intimacy with each other? Is it okay to stop by each other’s residence unannounced?
Make an agreement to have regular counseling sessions – focusing on working on your relationship patterns will greatly enhance your chances for success. Your counselor can help you decide how often you should see each other, if sexual activity is acceptable, etc.
Don’t assume that your partner wants the same things that you do. Remind yourself that your relationship broke up for a reason and people don’t change overnight.
Talk to your children honestly but don’t give them too much information or false hope. If your children are younger than age twelve say something like: “Mommy and daddy need time to figure out how to get along better so we’re going to try living apart. We both love you and will make sure that you see a lot of both of us. Kids older than twelve can handle a little more information, such as: “We’re not sure if we’re going to work things out but we want to give it a try.” Never express negatively about their other parent or bad mouth them.
Don’t date other people while you’re living apart. It’s impossible to build trust – an essential aspect of intimacy – if you’re romantically or sexually involved with someone else.
Recharge your battery and take time to learn more about yourself so you can view your relationship with a fresh perspective.
Stay optimistic and connected with your partner. It’s important to stay in touch with your partner in old and new ways such as cards, letters, and/or a weekly dinner out. A planned separation needs to be a reprieve from bickering, disagreements, and frequent communication.

Give your partner space if you want to test out whether absence will make your heart grow fonder. In fact, respecting each other’s boundaries is crucial to finding out if divorce is a better option than separation. Setting a tentative timetable can help both people evaluate whether taking a break has caused them to feel more optimistic about building a life together.

Consider taking a break as a time to determine whether your relationship is worth saving. It can give you and your spouse a chance to respect one another’s view of your problems – even if you feel that they’re wrong or shouldn’t feel the way they do.

Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

divorce

Marriage

Previous Post

February 18, 2019

8 Skills That Predict Success In Marriage

Next Post

February 28, 2019 How to Create Real Love By Adopting a Positive Mindset

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Paul tell Titus that the grace of God teaches us to do?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Obey the authorities Love one another Say no to ungodliness and live self-controlled, upright and godly lives Spread the gospel