6 Ways to Get Over Fear of Failure in Relationships

Last updated on: December 6, 2018 at 7:48 pm by Terry Gaspard

6 Ways to Get Over Fear of Failure in Relationships 2018-12-06T19:48:57-05:00 Terry Gaspard

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Many people fear relationship failure. Authentic love may make you feel vulnerable because you fear the unknown or worry about when it will end. Putting trust in someone can make you feel exposed. You might even believe that the more you care about someone, the more at risk you are for being hurt.

Recently, I met with Blair, 29, who reflected, “The thought of commitment scares me, I just can’t see myself with Justin in the future. I know he wants to move ahead with the next phase of our relationship but I don’t think I’m ready. But I’m afraid of losing him.”

Blair is an outgoing professional who has been dating Justin for over two years and continues to question whether their relationship will work out. When Justin talks about their future together, Blair usually changes the topic or says she’s too busy to talk.

Truth be told, you don’t have to be a commitment-phobe to be afraid of losing someone you love. You can be walking on air and madly in love and yet fear that when you open yourself up to another person, they will hurt you and you will lose out on love.

Are you foolish to fear losing love? I don’t believe so and I’ve actually interviewed hundreds of women who share your fears. It can be strange wondering if intense love can lead to dwindling passion and even possible divorce.

Do you have fears about spending forever with someone even if you love that person? No matter how much you love someone, you may have misgivings some days and this is completely normal.

However, fear of relationship failure can hold you back and prevent you from being your best self. It can limit you by causing anxiety and fostering a pessimistic attitude about the future. Many times, even in the most blissful moments, there might be a lingering thought in the back of your head that your relationship may not work out, and that it will all come crashing down around you.

If you can relate to fearing relationship success, I ask you to consider the following: Know that no relationship is conflict free, but you are worthy of having a relationship that makes you happy. If you aren’t there yet, embrace where you are now.

What is it that holds you back from achieving a satisfying relationship? And once you have it, what will you do when you get there?

6 Tips to help you deal effectively with uncertainty in relationships:

Face your fears. This is the first step to working through them. Talk to someone you trust, write in a journal, shed these feelings in a safe way.
Accept that love is a risk. There are no guarantees in love. Accepting this will ease your sense of panic and help you to live in the moment.
Survey your family and friends about love. If they are completely honest, most of them will admit that they fear—or have feared losing a loved one at some point in their life.
Keep in mind that new love or commitment stirs up past hurts. When you fall in love it might trigger feelings of past hurt, loss, or rejection because we’re all impacted by our history.
Challenge your thoughts that you aren’t good enough. Loving someone may make you question how lovable you are. You might ask yourself: am I good enough for this person who I love, admire, and appreciate so much? Switch these negative thoughts to positive ones such as: “The past has no hold over me and I am worthy of love.”
Practice being vulnerable in small steps and talk to a therapist or close friend about your growth. Don’t let your fear of rejection or past hurt stop you from achieving the love and intimacy you deserve.

Fear of relationship failure can hold you back and prevent you from being your best self. The only way to avoid this is to risk being vulnerable with your partner by asking for help, standing up for yourself, sharing unpopular opinions, and having faith in yourself and your partner.

The ultimate risk is allowing yourself to fall in love—which requires letting go of control and fear of being hurt or abandoned. Opening up to your partner can make you feel vulnerable but is the most crucial ingredient in a loving, trusting, intimate relationship.

Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

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