How Do I Know I’m Ready to Commit to My Partner

Last updated on: December 28, 2018 at 1:45 pm by Terry Gaspard

How Do I Know I’m Ready to Commit to My Partner 2018-12-28T13:45:51-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Dear Terry,

I’ve been dating Steven for two years and he wants to make a commitment to be exclusive, and hopefully engaged soon. In the past few weeks, I’ve been getting cold feet and I don’t know why. Steven’s a good guy, smart, good-looking, and ambitious. He’s finishing up a master’s degree in engineering and will get a great job because he already has a lot of experience working at his dad’s company.

You see, we are only twenty-five and started dating on the rebound. We were both in toxic relationships when we met at a mutual friend’s party. I thought Steven was cute, but truthfully there are things about him that are hard for me to overlook. Appearances are important to me and he doesn’t put much effort into how he dresses. Next, he does have a stutter and since I’m very social, I’m afraid this will be a handicap later if we get married. He’s been to therapy about it but it hasn’t improved.

Steven wants a commitment from me soon and I’m very confused and uncertain. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Shelby

Dear Shelby,

While most people end up making a commitment with some degree of uncertainty, you have listed many reasons why Steven isn’t the right guy for you and not many about why he is “Mr. Right.” Generally speaking, before you make a commitment, it would be a good idea to consider if you have both chemistry and compatibility because I believe that both are essential to a healthy, long-term relationship. Perhaps the first step in evaluating your decsion is examining the difference between compatibility and chemistry.

Chemistry: This usually refers to physical attraction but can include intellectual attraction as well. It is about how interesting and stimulating you find the person. Do you enjoy each other’s touch and is their sexual chemistry? It’s essential because without it, you are little more than friends. Author Mira Kirshenbaum writes: “But you can’t say you have good chemistry unless you can say “I feel there’s real affection here.”
Compatibility: Is about sharing common values and goals, having fun together, and liking each other: it helps to sustain a couple through tough times. However, both chemistry and compatibility are essential to a long-lasting healthy intimate relationship.

If you find yourself attracted to partners that you don’t have chemistry and compatibility with, you may be inclined to have one-sided, co-dependent, or unhealthy relationships. Perhaps you grew up in a family where you were a caretaker or focused more on making others happy. Maybe you even felt that you had to be in a good mood regardless of your true feelings.

Most importantly, be sure to take the time to decide if Steven is a person who allows you to be your best self and make a commitment to him out of a desire to love him but also grow and develop as a person. This will allow you to have the best chance of achieving long-lasting love.

Best Regards,

Terry

Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

commitment

Marriage

Previous Post

October 29, 2018

5 Ways to Learn From the Past and Make Healthier Choices in a Partner

Next Post

November 6, 2018 8 Signs Your Marriage May Be Headed For Divorce

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does the Hebrew title for Psalms, "Tehillim," mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Poems Prayers Praises Wisdom