6 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment

Last updated on: December 28, 2018 at 1:44 pm by Terry Gaspard

6 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment 2018-12-28T13:44:34-05:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Marriage is not for everyone yet most people in the US wed at some point in their lives. That being said, commitment and even marriage can be a healthy desire if you bring realistic expectations to it. But many adults don’t have a healthy template of intimate relationships to follow, making it difficult to know where to start. Perhaps the first step is reevaluating your view of commitment and adjusting your expectations.

Most observers agree that marriage in the US has been changing. Over the last fifty years, there has been a quiet shift in the landscape of marriage in America. Approximately 50 percent of adults over age eighteen marry; this number is compared to 72% in 1960, according to The Pew Research Center. The medium age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7years) according to this report.

Some think this decline is because of the rise in independence and also that the divorce rate rose sharply in the last part of the 20th century. Other changes, such as increasing acceptance of singlehood and cohabitation, have given us more opportunities for personal growth outside of marriage.

Richard Settersten, Ph.D. and Barbara E. Ray, authors of Not Quite Adults speculate that many people harbor misconceptions about a recent trend to delay marriage, believing that young adults are afraid of commitment and are abandoning marriage. They write, “Marriage is on hold for this generation, but it is delayed, not abandoned. The majority of young people eventually marry. They are just getting their ducks in a row before they do.”

However, it appears that uncertainty in romantic relationships is on the increase in the past decade and options range from friends with benefits to indecision about permanent commitment. According to Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, “Ambiguity is now the norm as opposed to clarity.” Author Jessica Massa, who interviewed hundreds of singles and couples for her book, “The Gaggle: How to Find Love in the Post-Dating World” informs us that many couples claim exclusivity but won’t call it a relationship.

It makes sense that people in their 20’s and 30’s might hedge their bets and see relationships as risky if they watched their parents’ marriage fail or even relatives and friend’s parents’ marriage collapse.

According to Darlene Lancer, adults who grew up in an environment where their perceptions were invalidated may have learned to doubt themselves. She writes, “You may become distrustful and/or the opposite, suggestible to what others say and disconnected from your inner guidance system. Either way, you’re not able to realistically evaluate other people.”

For instance, many people, like Kendra, have a fear of commitment. She just can’t see a relationship working out, but she desperately wants one. Kendra, age twenty-eight, is a successful, educated young woman, but relationships have been her Achilles heel. Although she says she doesn’t believe relationships will last, Kendra, wants one who will be a true match for her. “I think I can have a happy marriage, but I fluctuate”, she says. “If it’s the right person, if we’re both loyal. If it’s true love, I’ll be optimistic.”

By acting from a place of mistrust and apprehension, Diana is most certainly creating her future, or what she calls, a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” There are no guarantees in any relationship. Some work out and some don’t but approaching relationships with fear or doubt almost guarantees a negative outcome.

If you fear commitment, you might want to consider the following: Know that no relationship is conflict free, but you are worthy of having a relationship that makes you happy. If you aren’t there yet, embrace where you are now. What is it that holds you back from achieving a satisfying relationship? And once you have it, what will you do when you get there?

6 ways to overcome your fear of commitment:

Face your fear of commitment and embrace the notion that a lifetime commitment has to be made when there is some degree of uncertainty. If you wait to make a commitment when you are free of doubts, it will never happen.
Remember that life can be more rewarding when you take risks and make a commitment to a partner who seems to be a good match for you.
No one is without flaws. While it’s good to have standards, realize that the ideal of a soul-mate is probably unrealistic.
Take your time dating someone and make sure you’ve known them for at least two years to reduce your chance of divorce.
Make sure that you have common values with individuals who you date. If you marry someone with drastically different values, you will face complex issues that could put you more at risk for divorce.
Learn to trust your judgment and be consistent with your commitment. Commitment to someone you love and consider your best friend is not an on-again, off-again proposition.

Even in the twenty-first century, when ideas about the nature of modern families have changed, many notions about marriage remain the same. Relationships, whether they last three months or three decades, can provide their participants with the love, understanding, and intimacy they need at the time.

Learning to have confidence in your decision to either stay single or make a commitment takes life experience and a willingness to risk that you might get rejected or hurt. In the long run, taking risks will allow you to face your fear of commitment**.** I wish you the best on your journey of love, trust, and intimacy.

Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

commitment

Marriage

Previous Post

October 23, 2018

Dealing With a Narcissistic Partner: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Next Post

October 29, 2018 5 Ways to Learn From the Past and Make Healthier Choices in a Partner

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to 1 John, what does perfect love do?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Drives out fear Fulfills all the law Never fails Covers a multitude of sins