10 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Boost Intimacy

Last updated on: November 2, 2021 at 11:30 am by Terry Gaspard

10 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Boost Intimacy 2021-11-02T11:30:07-04:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When it comes to relationships, it’s easier to focus on problems rather than to see your partner as a loving, caring person. However, if you want to deepen your bond with him or her, the first step is to decide together to carve out a 20-minute conversation daily and make it happen regardless of your busy schedules. Decide on the logistics such as the best location, pour yourselves a cold beverage, and begin.

Happy couple embracing and laughing on the beach

When I started making a 20-minute conversation a daily ritual with my husband, the results were so dramatic that I started recommending it to the couples that I counsel in my practice. When couples adopted this suggestion, I was getting positive feedback about them adding a daily ritual. Nick and Diana agreed that they felt more intimate than ever and were arguing less often.

Diana put it like this: “I started feeling closer to Nick when we made a point to sit down in our dining room or patio and have a daily conversation. It felt like Nick was paying attention to me and we weren’t distracted by the TV or our kids.”

Before you begin, be sure to sit facing each other, unplug electronic devices, and check to make sure your pets and/or children are supervised. The questions on this list are designed to last about a week and new questions should be added by both partners.

Discovery Questions:

What is your preferred way to relax at the end of a day?
What is your favorite thing to do on a date night?
If you visit anywhere in the world right now, where would you travel? Why?
Who is your closet friend at this time? Why?
What is your dream job? Why?
What is your biggest stressor this week?
What is going well for you this week?
What hobby or interest would you like to pursue in the near future?
What helps you to feel more connected to me emotionally and sexually?
Where do you see your life heading in the next five to ten years?

Spending quality time together is the bedrock of a loving, secure relationship according to Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on this topic. Couples committed to success in their marriage know that developing “rituals of connection” will keep their bond strong during times of change and upheaval. Making time to talk, ask questions, and to get to know each other better, can make the difference between a happy, meaningful relationship and a so-so, drifting, or declining one.

After a decade of marriage, my husband, Craig, and I had definitely drifted apart and were almost living in two distinct worlds with separate hobbies and interests. It was rare for us to go out to dinner or enjoy leisure activities together until we started turning off the TV and our phones and stated tuning into each other and making “rituals of connection” part of our daily routine.

For instance, most couples communicate through text, phone calls, and social media, but they don’t have a focused time where they connect face-to-face without distractions. Never underestimate intentional time alone with your partner and look for ways to reduce each other’s stress such as a neck rub, hug, or offering to get them a cup of their favorite beverage. If your partner is reluctant to carve out at least 20 minutes for a “ritual of connection” daily ask him or her why and see if you can get them more involved in planning how you spend your time. They might prefer a walk around the neighborhood after dinner so they’ve had a chance to replenish themselves and unwind a bit first.

By expanding your knowledge of your partner and nurturing your shared dreams, you have a better chance of achieving lasting love and intimacy. Daily rituals are simple, low effort ways to show your love for him or her, to enhance your sense of shared meaning, and to adopt a “we’re in this together” mindset that will help you endure the test of time.

Follow Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Previous Post

August 27, 2018

10 Signs Your Teen is Having Difficulty Coping with Divorce

Next Post

September 4, 2018 8 Ways to Forgive Your Ex-Partner and Move On

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In the parable of the talents, what is rewarded?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Patience Riches Faithfulness Sincerity