6 Ways to Apologize to Your Partner and Repair Your Marriage

Last updated on: May 14, 2018 at 9:10 am by Terry Gaspard

6 Ways to Apologize to Your Partner and Repair Your Marriage 2018-05-14T09:10:20-04:00 Terry Gaspard

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Julie feels some resentment and anger towards her husband, Evan, since she discovered he purchased a new motorcycle and kept it a secret. Over the past month, Julie has shut down emotionally and she’s been giving Evan the silent treatment. However, she loves Evan and wants to accept his apology because she believes he is remorseful about his actions.

Evan puts it like this: “I feel awful that I bought the motorcycle without telling Julie. When her friend, Kara, saw me repairing it at my parents’ house and told Julie, I told her that I’m sorry and mean it.”

When Evan was able to confess his wrong doing and ask Julie to forgive him, it had a positive effect on her ability regain trust and will have a healing effect on their marriage.

According to experts, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love. Couples who are able to give and accept apologies can get back to feeling connected emotionally with their partner.

Why are apologies important?

Studies show that forgiving your spouse is good way to let go of your baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life. Often people equate apologizing with weakness and it is widely believed that if you apologize to someone you’re making yourself too vulnerable. However, apologizing can also be seen as a strength because it shows you are able to show goodwill toward your partner and be sincere.

Rather than pointing fingers in an effort to identify who is at fault, humbling oneself and confessing to the words or behavior that have caused your partner pain, upset, or harm can go a long way toward strengthening your marriage. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, if it’s a matter of your being “right” at the expense of causing pain to your spouse.

Evan could have stubbornly held onto the belief that he had nothing to apologize for – especially because he used his own money and his behavior was not intentionally hurtful. However, apologizing to Julie allowed her to let go of her feelings about being betrayed.

If you do apologize to your partner, be sure to do it in the right way and don’t include excuses for your actions or words. Not all apologies will be the same but most will contain some of the following elements.

6 ways to apologize to your partner:

Write down two reasons you feel sorry for the hurt that your behavior or words caused your partner. Gain awareness of the emotions you experience about your own past hurt. This may help you to feel more empathy toward your spouse. Ask yourself: why did I feel the need to behave in a way that caused my partner pain or upset? Was my behavior intentional?
Take responsibility for your hurtful actions or words. Acknowledge that you messed up by saying something like “I take responsibility for my actions and I’m sorry that they hurt you.”
Use the words “I am sorry” and “I was wrong” when you apologize to your partner. Your apology will more likely be heard and accepted if you use these words. Be specific about exactly what you did to hurt, humiliate, or embarrass them.
Explain to your spouse how you plan to repair the situation (if this is possible). For example, if you said something to hurt your mother-in-laws feelings, you might offer to apologize to her over lunch or by writing her a note.
Describe your actions without making excuses or blaming your mate or someone else. Using “I” statements rather than “You” statements can help you avoid the blame monster. For instance, you might say “I forgot to call you because I had an awful day at work. I am very sorry for being inconsiderate when I said I’d call,” rather than “You don’t have a right to control me.”
Ask for Forgiveness. Processing what happened briefly with your spouse will allow you to let of resentments so you can move on to a healthier relationship. Keep the big picture in mind. Be sure to apologize when the setting is conducive to a private conversation and there aren’t any distractions (TV, cell phones, children in the room, etc.).

Apologies are an essential ingredient of a strong, healthy relationship. Accepting that you and your mate do the best you can will help you be more understanding. This does not mean you condone his or her hurtful actions. You simply come to a more compassionate and realistic view of your spouse.

Apologizing and practicing forgiveness is about giving yourself and your partner, the kind of future you and they deserve – unhampered by hurt and recycled anger. It is about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Follow Terry on Twitter , Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy A Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship was published in January of 2016 by Sourcebooks.

I’d love to hear from you and answer your questions about relationships, divorce, marriage, and remarriage. Please ask a question here. Thanks! Terry

Uncategorized

Previous Post

May 10, 2018

How Do I Help My Daughter Adjust to My Divorce?

Next Post

May 15, 2018 Should I Accept My Husband’s Betrayal and Apology?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which book of the Bible contains the story of Gideon?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Joshua 2 Kings 1 Samuel Judges