Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Pagan
When Grief Comes ‘Round on Cat Feet

When Grief Comes ‘Round on Cat Feet

Last updated on: June 10, 2021 at 6:47 pm by Laura Tempest Zakroff

When Grief Comes ‘Round on Cat Feet 2021-06-10T18:47:35-08:00 Laura Tempest Zakroff

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

We were walking out of the pet supply store with cat litter earlier this week when the ID tag machine caught my eye. I remembered the last time we used that machine and my heart dropped and my eyes clouded.

We had created a replacement ID tag for Sam to go with his new collar, as he had shredded the previous one while scratching at his neck. The vet thought it was likely allergies. But one patch would heal and another would start, no matter what we did. We never put the collar back on him because we found out too late he had cancer. At just 7 years old. That collar and tag now sits on our altar.

Sam, photo taken the week he passed.

A Purring of Consequence

They say cats purr when they’re happy, but they can also purr when they’re in pain. They may also purr to soothe others.

June 12th will be the one year anniversary of his passing. I wrote here in this blog about how great a cat Sam was, and my processing of grief.

Nearly every day in the last year, Facebook has served me up some photo or video of Sam in the memories. That means I tend to spend a few moments each day looking at him, which mostly feels good. We accidentally call Max (the wonderful kitten we got in July of last year) by Sam’s name, though now it’s just once a day or every other day – instead of constantly. It took a while, but Nathan can sing Sam’s song again on his weekly online concerts. I still fall apart about once a month thinking about Sam. As the anniversary creeps up, I feel it more.

It seems a bit ridiculous to still be so deeply mourning a cat. Especially after the last year. So many people dead – from the pandemic, from other tragedies, from natural causes. So much loss and stress. But he was a truly spectacular spirit, my little man, my Sammy Long Legs. My first cat in my new life, in a new place, in a new relationship. He was far more than just a cat to me. He was a piece of my heart.

And the situation surrounding his passing was deeply complicated by the pandemic. I still can’t help but wonder if things could have gone differently, at a different time. Would we still have him? We should have had him until he was a cranky old bastard. The lack of control was maddening. Regret, revision, hindsight is 2020.

Sam was always full of adventure.

Scratching at the Box

They say that if a cat is lost, you should put their litter box outside, some food, and a familiar blanket or article of clothing. It will draw them back home.

Last week I drove down to see my family since we’ve all had our vaccinations. It’s a 5-6 hour drive, so good time to listen to podcasts. On the way home, I listened to a new episode of “This American Life” called “Good Grief.” I don’t really recommend listening to it while driving on major highways, but it was a very powerful listen. Here’s the link, as I think it’s definitely worth a listen: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/738/good-grief

As I see quite a few friends struggling with similar losses of beloved pets, I think of the usual words that attempt to sooth: it gets easier, it gets better, you’ll move on. I can’t say I really believe any of that is true.

I think it means more to say, “I know exactly how you feel, and you’re not crazy for having those feelings or thinking those thoughts.” We don’t normalize grief enough. We sweep it under the door, avert our eyes, and pat reassuringly. We don’t talk about what it feels like to hold death in your arms. We don’t mention the weight of it all. As a society, we would be so much more healthy if we create space to drag grief out into the light and share our experiences.

He was the best snuggler.

Moments & Shadows

They say after a year or so, the spirit of a familiar or companion animal may return to visit.

Witchy folk tend to try and give comfort in saying that the spirit is still around. I’ve experienced ghost cats for years, but those spirits were not ones I also spent time with when they were alive. Most places I’ve lived have had ghostly activity of one form or another, but not this house.

The other week though, someone brushed up against my skirt. When I looked down to see which of our 4 living cats it was, but no one was there. I was alone in my studio. My partner was also out of town and the other cats didn’t spend as much time in the bed with me at night like they usually do. They kept their distance, staying near the end of the bed, almost cautiously. A few mornings in a row Max pounced on my chest as if someone was there while he was in a chase-and-play mood. Sam usually slept on my chest. This week I’m seeing shadows just out of the corner of my eye, when all of the other cats are accounted for. Witchful thinking?

The little hydrangea we planted by Sam’s grave came back this year, but in the last week it has taken a turn for the worse. The bed it’s situated in is a tough area. I don’t think it’s coming back, and it’s hard to look at in its sad state, but yet I hold out hope it might recover.

But… I did order a beautiful hosta (without having a plan for where it would go) and now I’m thinking that’s the spot for it. There’s a lesson here: There are times for hope, and there are times to turn to action and active change. Times when we need to let go a little and plan for the future. But we will always remember.

Previous Post

May 20, 2021

The Community Healing 4 All Sigil

Next Post

July 23, 2021 The Shapeshifting Nature of Ritual

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Art Books cats cauldron month community contest Events home Metaphysics Modern Practice Movement Myth & Folklore satire sigils Tradition travel Uncategorized video

Select a Month May 2026 March 2026 January 2026 September 2025 August 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 August 2024 June 2024 May 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 February 2023 December 2022 November 2022 September 2022 July 2022 May 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz