Getting Ready for Valentine’s Day with the Wicked Truth About Love: Part 4, Rock Star

Last updated on: February 9, 2015 at 4:16 pm by Suzanne Ross

Getting Ready for Valentine’s Day with the Wicked Truth About Love: Part 4, Rock Star 2015-02-09T16:16:17-05:00 Suzanne Ross

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Rock Star, illustration by Susan Drawbaugh

In Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 in my series we’ve been looking at obstacles on the way to true love by focusing on the triangular nature of desire – that we learn what to desire by imitating the desires of others. You might be wondering how we choose who to imitate. Each of us in our daily life encounter many, many people to imitate. Family and friends are obvious choices and so are celebrities and even popular fictional characters like Katniss Everdeen or Harry Potter. If we do begin to imitate them, however unconsciously, we call these people our models of desire. Naturally we tend to imitate people with qualities we’d like to possess. Why some of us want to be Katniss and others Madame Curie is a bit of a mystery, but that’s what makes us all unique. We all learn what to desire by imitating the desires of others, but we are not all drawn to imitate the same models.

One way the triangle of desire works is that when we admire someone and want to be just like them, we begin to desire the things our model has. We want to wear the same clothes, style our hair the same way, or cast spells like them or maybe wield a bow and arrow. One common mistake in our very materialistic culture is that we often think that by possessing the objects our models possess we can possess the qualities that we admire. If I wear Harry Potter glasses, for example, I feel gifted with special powers. Or if I wear my hair in a Katniss braid, I am a strong and natural leader. This is more than play acting or a game children play. Look at yourself and the things you own – can you tell who your models of desire are by your clothes, your hairstyle or your material possessions? We all can! All desire for things passes through a model, whether those models are real, fictitious or abstract like a cultural value for beauty.

Of course, no one wants to be thought of as an imitator! What we all really want is to be the one and only original, the one that everyone else wants to imitate! I mean, who wouldn’t want to be the object of some else’s admiration? We all want others to love us, to call us friends, to value us as colleagues and just want to hang out with us. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. It’s what makes us seek out the company of others rather than live in isolation. In other words, it’s what makes us human – we are the most social animal in the animal kingdom.

But if we get drawn into wishful thinking that a more fashionable hairstyle or a fancier car will get us the love we crave, we may fall into the Rock Star tangle. If you think of a real (stereotypical) Rock Star and you will see why I called this tangle after him. A Rock Star can fall into the trap of accumulating things as evidence of how much they are worth. Gold records, gold jewelry, expensive cars, mansions equipped with recording studios and bowling alleys and movie theaters – these become the outward signs of the Rock Star’s inner worth.

Unfortunately, if you get caught in the Rock Star tangle you may find yourself treating your lover as just another prized possession. You tend to fall in love with people who will do wonders for your image, as if they are just another fancy thing you own. The more perfectly beautiful, smart or talented their lover, the more the Rock Star’s self-esteem soars. But if they find a flaw in their lover, the Rock Star can become quickly disenchanted. Rock Stars tend to toss out lovers the way they’d discard a broken mirror.

If you fall into the Rock Star pattern, your path to true love will open up when you recognize that your inner worth cannot be diminished or increased by outward signs and that you must not use others as objects to enhance your reputation. Then you will be able to choose a lover for their inner worth who will lovingly recognize your own.

Take The Wicked Truth About Love quiz to find out if you fall into the Rock Star, Super Hero, Celebrity Chef, Best Friend Forever or one of the other patterns. Whatever is getting you tangled up on the way to love, learning about the triangular nature of desire is sure to help you back on your feet again – romantically speaking!

The Wicked Truth About Love: The Tangles of Desire contains a full discussion of the triangular nature of desire and all the tangles, including advice on how to get untangled and back on the path to love. Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

The Wicked Truth About Love

Valentine's Day

Previous Post

February 7, 2015

Nationwide: What We Can Learn from the Worst Super Bowl Commercial Ever

Next Post

February 10, 2015 The Glory of the Grammys: Desire, Hope, and Becks Perfect Response to Kanye West

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement and Current Events Curriculum Faith and Families Interviews Jesus the Forgiving Victim Lent Montessori politics Reviews The Bible Explained Uncategorized Valentine's Day Wednesday Sermon Who is God?

Select a Month July 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 January 2014 December 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz