Getting Ready for Valentine’s Day with the Wicked Truth About Love: Part 2, Celebrity Chef

Last updated on: February 4, 2015 at 12:22 pm by Suzanne Ross

Getting Ready for Valentine’s Day with the Wicked Truth About Love: Part 2, Celebrity Chef 2015-02-04T12:22:59-05:00 Suzanne Ross

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Celebrity Chef, illustration by Susan Drawbaugh

Welcome to Part 2 of my series on romantic pitfalls, what I call the “tangles of desire”. In Part 1, Best Friend Forever, I introduced the idea that our path to true love can be a bit rocky at times because our desires are learned from others. In other words, desire is triangular. Our desires don’t arise spontaneously from within us – if they did, advertisers would be out of a job! And objects of desire aren’t imbued with some amazing dose of desirability – if they were, fads just wouldn’t exist. Fashions in clothing, music, hair styles or food would never change because if something were desirable today it would still be desirable tomorrow – that is if the thing that made it desirable were really an essential part of its nature.

What makes something desirable to us is so obvious we overlook it – we desire what other people desire. Duh, right? Advertisers know that if they want us to desire their products they show us happy people, preferably famous happy people, with their products. The more their product appears to be the source of happy celebrity for others, the more we want it, too. What we often fail to notice is that our desires for people operate the same way. Even our desire for ourselves! That’s right – in order to know ourselves as lovable, we need to be loved by someone whose love for us we absorb and imitate. And when it comes to choosing who we will love, we often seek out types of people that our friends and our culture tell us are lovable.

In my book I identify five patterns of triangular desire that can get us into trouble in our love lives. In my first post, I introduced the first type, the Best Friend Forever. Today’s post is about a tangle I call the Celebrity Chef after those TV chefs who tempt us with their food, courting our applause and love. If you fall into the Celebrity Chef tangle, you will notice the triangular nature of desire in action: Celebrity Chefs need the approval of others to feel secure about their choice of lover. If you have fallen into this pattern of desire, you will find that you parade your lover in front of your friends to excite their admiration, just like a TV Chef tempting us with his latest creation. If you do succeed in arousing desire in your friends, it often triggers an unexpected response in you. Even though you wanted their approval, you may begin to suspect that your friend has fallen in love with your beloved, for real! You begin to be suspicious that your lover is cheating on you and that your friend has betrayed you. This is the dynamic driving the jealous and insecure lover.

Take The Wicked Truth About Love quiz to find out if you fall into the Celebrity Chef, Best Friend Forever or one of the other patterns. Whatever is getting you tangled up on the way to love, learning about the triangular nature of desire is sure to help you back on your feet again – romantically speaking!

The Wicked Truth About Love: The Tangles of Desire contains a full discussion of the triangular nature of desire and all the tangles, including advice on how to get untangled and back on the path to love. Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

The Wicked Truth About Love

Valentine's Day

Previous Post

February 3, 2015

Top 4 Ways to Criticize without Scapegoating

Next Post

February 5, 2015 Why I Hate Tom Brady: Reflections on the Super Bowl

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atonement and Current Events Curriculum Faith and Families Interviews Jesus the Forgiving Victim Lent Montessori politics Reviews The Bible Explained Uncategorized Valentine's Day Wednesday Sermon Who is God?

Select a Month July 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 January 2014 December 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz