On Saying Goodbye and Saying Hello

Last updated on: October 14, 2015 at 7:59 pm by Amy Butler

On Saying Goodbye and Saying Hello 2015-10-14T19:59:30-04:00 Amy Butler

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Just the other day I was remembering 11 years of Christmas Eve services at my former congregation. I recall the first year I was there, trying desperately to come up with a unique idea for a service that had become a bit tired, when one of the older members of the congregation offered to build a stable in his woodshop, bring it down to church, and install it in the sanctuary.

With his help, the contribution of a couple of bales of hay from some members who lived out in the country, and our building engineer’s creative rigging of a Moravian star from the very tall sanctuary ceiling, a new tradition was born.

That first year I drafted unsuspecting congregation members, including my own children, to assemble a live nativity (no animals, though) as we read the Christmas story in worship. I recall that the scene was pretty sparse; there were no babies in the congregation, so we resorted to using an old baby doll from the nursery to be Jesus.

But it was sweet and good, and the very next year folks began asking in October about whether we’d have the stable up again this year.

I don’t think anybody knew, but as I watched my congregation grow and change year to year I measured our progress by how many possible baby Jesuses we had to choose from. In other words, we only used the baby doll that first year, and by the time I left, there was spirited discussion about how we’d know which congregational baby got to be Jesus each year (answer: the baby born closest to Christmas wins).

But this year there was no hanging star or bales of hay, and nobody in competition for the manger. This Christmas Eve I found myself in a new place, engaged in beloved, long-held traditions of a new community, traditions that were brand new to me. And as I experienced all that was new, I was surprised to feel rather sharply the pain that is so familiar to many of us at Christmas, the pain that comes with the absence of the familiar. I missed the rambunctious angels; I wondered who was drafted this year to be the three kings; I missed what had come to feel like home.

In my work as a pastor I’ve often heard folks share the grief that comes with the holidays. Twinkling lights and Christmas tunes in the air seem to call that out in us all: fond remembrance of the way things used to be; sharp regret for past mistakes; comparative analysis between memory and reality, with reality often coming up short.

I felt it this year. And as I felt the pain of separation again, I looked around at my new congregation. We’re still getting to know each other, and I’m sure none of them knew about my secret baby Jesus marker of progress. As I felt the pain of absence, however, my eyes got wide at the wonder of the new.

So many patiently walked me through traditions long familiar to them. Everyone welcomed my leadership, which, come to think of it, probably felt decidedly strange to them, too. And as I watched the traditions of this new congregation unfold around me, I realized that, while all that is new does not negate the pain of separation, learning to see with new eyes helps to ease the pain.

On Christmas Eve this year I was surrounded by strains of Messiah sung by such an amazing choir. And as I looked out over a sea of flickering candles filling the sanctuary, I realized that all of this newness will very soon become tradition. For this one year, I could look with unique perspective at the traditions of my new community, savor them in their beauty, and appreciate them in ways I won’t be able to once they become familiar. And the wonder of all that is new is the starting place for making a home.

As I sat there that night, all those emotions mixed together: the sharp grief of goodbye along with the beauty and wonder of hello. Grief of loss became gratitude for such memories. Wonder and unfamiliarity at all that is new became hope for the future. And all of that — all of it — feels a lot like gift.

This essay was published first over at Baptist News Global.

Answering the Call

Living in Relationship

Previous Post

December 24, 2014

Embracing the Baby

Next Post

January 7, 2015 The Light Moves With You

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Answering the Call Being the Church Curating Wisdom Laughing Out Loud Living in Relationship Practicing Discipleship Reclaiming Baptist Speaking from the Pulpit Uncategorized

Select a Month July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005

Search for:

On Saying Goodbye and Saying Hello

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

Archives

Categories

Meta

What baby was placed in a basket in the river?