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Support Children Through Grief with Faith and Honesty

Support Children Through Grief with Faith and Honesty

Last updated on: September 22, 2026 at 10:49 am by M.T. Mom

Support Children Through Grief with Faith and Honesty 2026-09-22T10:49:22-05:00 M.T. Mom

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A young child with long hair viewed from the side and back against a dark background.

Our presence matters as we support little hearts as they navigate grief and the big feelings that come with it. | Image by Alexa from Pixabay

Grief is messy for adults. Involving kids raises the stakes. How do we support children through grief while we’re grieving alongside them? Death is part of life and, sadly, an inevitable part of growing up. I have experience grieving as a child who lost a parent and as an adult grieving while watching my children mourn their grandparent.

My mother navigated losing the love of her life and becoming a widow way too young, all while supporting me as a teenager and two still very young children who had lost their father. Now, all these years later, she reunited with him, leaving an inexplicable hole in my heart, but I have three boys who lost a shining star in their lives, and they need me to be strong enough to help them through it.

In honor of the death anniversaries of both my parents, from August, when we lost my father, to September, when we lost my mother, I thought this article was a timely opportunity for catharsis. Their deaths occurred twenty-six years apart, and I was at very different stages of life. Let’s talk about it.

Grief is Complex and Layered

The first lesson I learned about grief is that it isn’t linear.It doesn’t matter that twenty-eight years have passed. I think about when we lost him and how. I think about the pain and upheaval of that time in our lives, how my younger siblings have fewer memories of him than I do, and how my mom’s broken heart never healed after losing him. His death left her a widow at only forty-two years old. When his death anniversary rolls around, or I hear a Beach Boys song, or I see him in old pictures, it still stings like a raw, open wound. Fortunately, that pain is mine and mine alone to carry, since my husband and boys didn’t know him. But Mom…that’s a far different story.

One of the things I ponder more often than I suppose I should is all the things he’s missed—growing old with Mom for starters, but for me personally: high school graduation, meeting my husband and walking me down the aisle, college graduations, and, most heartbreaking to me, getting to know his grandchildren.

For my family, Pawpaw lives on through me. My husband and boys know him through my stories and through the person I show up as every day, because his influence on my upbringing is ingrained in the adult I became.

But Mom will have been gone for only two years by the end of this month. Growing up, I was a “Mama’s Girl.” The truth is, she wasn’t just mine or my siblings’… she was so very close to her grandbabies.

After Daddy died, I inadvertently stepped into the role of the second adult in the house. I babysat my siblings. Mom and I ran errands and spent a lot of time together. She bonded with my husband when he and I were dating. My husband and I dated for about a year, then were engaged for about a year before we got married. I remember being so excited to plan it with her.

My grandmother made Mom’s wedding dress, and I wore it proudly the day I walked down the aisle at twenty-three years old. She was there.

I had my children in my thirties, and she was there for that. Mom was their favorite babysitter, partner in crime, playground companion, secret treat supplier, and, more than anything else, a warm, loving presence in their lives.

While she was an anchor in my life and her death hurts, she was their Nana.

Two years later, we are still learning how to support the kids through it. I am no expert, but I will share what we’ve been doing in case it helps you too.

Modeling: Let Them See You Mourn

Shielding our children from pain, and certainly from seeing ours, feels instinctive. With grief, that kneejerk reaction can be counterproductive. When they see us emotionally regulating, or trying to, it shows them that it is okay to feel their feelings. It also encourages dialogue.

Just like adults, kids grieve differently and not necessarily in the order the stages are often listed. Sometimes they don’t know what they’re feeling. If they don’t see us as we actually are, that sends the message that expressing heavy feelings is unwelcome.

While it is one of the harder parts of parenting, it gives us the chance to model healthy ways to handle profound loss and sadness. We can say things like, “I may be sad today and struggling, but I’m still here to take care of you.” I invite them to share their feelings as well. I have one who will, one who won’t, and one who processes it and usually chooses bedtime to discuss it as we wind down for the day. It is important to keep in mind when you have more than one kid, to meet them where they are as individuals.

In our family, our faith provides a lot of the heavy lifting in healing and finding comfort. We remind the boys that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV) and that the Lord comforts those who mourn (Matthew 5:4, NIV).

Practice Active Listening and Honoring the Unique Timelines of Grief

I can’t overstate my next point enough: Everyone grieves differently, and children are no exception.

For kids, they may be teary-eyed one minute and out the door to play the next. And that is okay. Our job is to meet them where they are and make sure they feel safe sharing their big feelings with us. The question then becomes, how do we support our children in their grief? While every kiddo is different, there are a few things we can do. The most important aspect is presence. The best way to be present is to be an active listener.

When we practice active listening, we mirror God’s gentle nature and play a role in His promise to “heal the brokenhearted and bind up [our] wounds” (Psalm 147:3, NIV). One of the best ways to go about this is to ask open ended questions and concentrate on what they have to say rather than make assumptions or try to “fix” it.

Maintain Consistent Routines

Kids find comfort in structure and knowing what to expect. Seeing us grieve, but still showing up with consistency lessens chaos and fear. These routines would include mealtimes, bedtimes, and physical activity.

Offer Creative Outlets

This one has been helpful for my boys. All three of them enjoy drawing and coloring. Sometimes they channel their feelings into art, and sometimes they simply use that energy to make something else entirely. Another way to gauge how they are feeling is to listen while they play. Back when I worked in daycare, we learned all kinds of things about children’s home lives by observing how they played in the home and dress-up center.

Create Space for Remembering

We keep our loved ones alive through our memories, and creating space for them has been exceptionally helpful. Look at old photos together, tell funny stories, and continue special traditions. My mom made me a memory book for my twenty-sixth birthday that started with pictures of me as a baby and ended with photos from my wedding. The boys love looking at it. She’s in so many so they get to see both of us when we were younger. They also enjoy simply scrolling through my phone photos. I have over 15,000 to choose from.

The hospice staff at the hospital where we lost Mom were phenomenal. Mom had lived with us for several years. The kids knew her favorite dresses, shirts, and housecoats. We gave the staff her favorites, and they had several teddy bears made from them. Two of my kids have put theirs away for safekeeping but take them out to hug when they miss her. I got a bear too, and she sits with the jewelry box my mom and grandmother gave me when I graduated from college. I hug her when I’m having a moment, too, and cherish the little bear made from my mom’s favorite housecoat. It still smells like her.

Wordless Prayer is Powerful and Biblical

My mother’s passing was unexpected and arguably traumatic. She was on life support for two weeks…woke up once…then never again. Doctors said she wouldn’t improve. An EEG showed she was gone. Hospice and Palliative Care worked together. My siblings, our spouses, and our children filled the room.

She hung on for twenty-six hours after life support was removed. I believe she waited for all of us to be there. One second she was with us; the next, she took her last breath. I couldn’t form words. Scripture proves God knew from the beginning that there would be times when the Holy Spirit would need to intercede on our behalf (Romans 8:26, NIV). Of all the Bible references, this one has comforted me more than once in my life.

Gathering the kids to sit quietly together, holding hands, and modeling that even grownups have feelings too big to name sends a valuable lesson, that God hears and knows the needs of our bodies and hearts, even when we can’t form the words to petition him.

Embracing Hope While Continuing to Live (Living Honors the Dead)

That isn’t to minimize the immediate pain or the lasting ache at our core we feel, but to remind us we love deeply. As believers, we know we will see loved ones again one day. With that in mind, it’s not really goodbye, so much as see you soon.

With Mom’s last breath, I remember thinking she looked as if she smiled. I had to wonder if Jesus took Daddy to pick her up.

The boys saw it too. And that helped.

When my dad passed away, the circumstances were entirely different. None of the kids or extended family got to be there. There is something to be said for letting children be there to say goodbye when it is age appropriate, allowable, and safe. It was hard. It was scary. But they got to hold her hand and hug her one last time. And that mattered to them.

Tears will fall. It’s unavoidable. But we know that Revelation 21:4 (NIV) is true, and we can hold onto God’s promise that “He will wipe every tear from [our] eyes.”

While we wait to be reunited, we can continue living, holding on to both our faith and the lessons we learned from our loved ones. God gives us the ability to “know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil” (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13, NIV).

Embracing hope and grieving loss can happen simultaneously. Continuing to live our lives is what our loved one wants for us. This honors them and God’s Word while modeling faith in action for our kids.

Therapy and Counseling

While faith is paramount to healing, sometimes more professional help is needed. Scripture supports this. If you or your child needs extra help, there is no shame in that. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Consider Proverbs 12:15 (NIV) as an example. “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

If your children need extra support, their pediatrician is an excellent person to ask for advice or referrals. Additionally, the National Alliance for Children’s Grief can help you connect with local resources and support for grieving children.

Carrying On With God’s Peace

At the end of the day, to support our children through grief, we don’t need to give them perfect explanations or show up composed when we don’t feel that way. All they need is safety, honesty, presence, faith, and permission to grieve in their own way.

We’ll find peace and so will they; not as the world gives, but peace that only comes from our Lord and Savior (John 14:27, NIV). I know this season is hard my friends, especially as the holidays approach. Please know that you are loved and that I’m praying for you.

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