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Leading Like a Monk: Finding the Best in Other People

Leading Like a Monk: Finding the Best in Other People

Last updated on: July 31, 2017 at 10:13 am by Greg Richardson

Leading Like a Monk: Finding the Best in Other People 2017-07-31T10:13:47-08:00 Greg Richardson

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Finding the Best in People

The leaders who inspire me are able to find the best in the people around them. They connect with people different from themselves and see their potential. Some leaders are committed to seeing what each person has to offer and making the most of it.

Finding the best in other people is a skill they share with many of the monks I know. Members of a community of hospitality, they welcome a wide variety of people. Even when their communication is primarily nonverbal, they find the potential in others.

How can they find the best in people whose company we may have difficulty enjoying? What do strong leaders have in common with monks which helps them both in this area? Why is it sometimes a challenge for the rest of us to find the best in the people around us?

We know the kind of people in whom it is hard for us to recognize the best. I have certainly worked with people who had problems finding the best in me.

For a long time I prided myself on being able to work with anyone. It was not that I was so good at getting along with people. There was a persistence or stubbornness in me which would not allow how I felt to get in the way.

I was not necessarily good at finding the best in people, but at ignoring the worst.

My experiences showed me what was possible. I began to recognize, or admit, people did not need to be just like me to be effective. Leaders who found the best in me, which was sometimes a challenge, lead by their example. It became clear to me people with various skills helped a team become better.

Appreciating the Best in Me

My curiosity was sparked. I had a general attitude that if I could do something well it was probably not particularly unique. The qualities I saw as my best were more grounded in common sense than in remarkable abilities.

People took the time to point out to me how valuable some of my gifts were. They found the best in me and helped draw it out of me. I was given opportunities to put what was in me into practice.

It took time and effort for me to trust and appreciate the best in me. My tendency was to pay attention to how far away I was from perfection. Recognizing what was best in me was not my strong suit.

The lessons which helped me find the best in other people came from beginning to find the best in me.

People continued to lead me by example. I did not necessarily learn what they were teaching right away, but continued thinking. Their leadership was at work in me whether I was paying attention or not.

It was the experience of having someone find part of what was best in me which inspired me. I was not interested in their philosophy or theory of leadership. The relationship, the connection, made all the difference for me.

Ironically, recognizing it was not necessary to be perfect helped me find the best in myself.

It took time and some fairly dramatic missteps to teach me I did not need to be perfect. As the benefits of imperfection took root in me I came to appreciate imperfection in other people.

I came to understand the expectation of perfection was a significant obstacle to finding the best.

Finding the Best in Monastic Life

My experience of monastic life reminds me of the leaders who inspire me.

Benedictine communities value hospitality and welcoming visitors. The monks in the community which I joined as an oblate welcomed me, including my questions.

Like inspiring leaders, this community emphasizes relationship more than rules and hierarchy. I have had conversations exploring spiritual and religious ideas, and questions are still welcome.

A sense of people sharing their best with the community infuses the hermitage. Open curiosity marks the conversations I have.

I experience monastic life designed to facilitate reflection. My practices of following a rule of life help me explore and discover the best of myself. As I become more acquainted, more intimate with myself I can find the best in other people. Following the example of the monks, I become better at finding the best in each of us.

How Do We Find the Best in Other People?

Learning to find the best in other people can be a long, difficult journey.

The first obstacles I found were within myself. I was more comfortable looking for problems than looking for the best in myself and in others. My tendency was more to find problems to solve than to find potential to strengthen.

I was operating more from fear and insecurity than from possibilities. As I came to accept myself I began to see potential was more valuable than avoiding imperfection.

In some ways my journey was about transforming my focus. Rather than paying attention to my lack of perfection, I became more open to what was best in me.

As I got to know myself better I realized I liked myself and had something to offer.

Moving my attention from my own inner critic to a more realistic view was a significant change. I had been holding myself responsible for many perceived imperfections. That view reinforced and gave strength to my insecurities and fears.

Becoming more aware of the best I realistically have to offer strengthens my awareness.

The leaders who inspire me, like the monks who inspire me, find the best in me. Their recognition sparks my own recognition of my own value, and the value of others.

The experience of having someone find the best in us sparks our exploration of the best in others. Together we explore the best in each other, discovering the potential we share.

How do we find the best in other people?

What would you describe as the best in you?

[Image by MSVG]

Greg Richardson is a spiritual life mentor and leadership coach in Southern California. He is a recovering attorney and university professor, and a lay Oblate with New Camaldoli Hermitage near Big Sur, California. Greg’s website is StrategicMonk.com, and his email address is [email protected].

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