Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Family, Parenting and Religion
Remembrance of Things Past: A Visit to the Cheese Haven

Remembrance of Things Past: A Visit to the Cheese Haven

Last updated on: August 27, 2024 at 12:37 am by Mary Pezzulo

0 Comments

Remembrance of Things Past: A Visit to the Cheese Haven 2024-08-27T00:37:51-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

an array of fancy rounds of cheese in a shop

image via Pixabay

“Tell me about the Cheese Haven,” said Adrienne.

“Oh, the Cheese Haven. You want to hear about how we tricked your uncle into going to a tourist trap called the Cheese Haven, even though he was terrified of cheese?”

Adrienne nodded.

I sat back on the scratchy sofa where we’d been chatting over our phones after dinner. “Oh dear, I don’t really remember. I think one time when we were staying in a hotel, your grandfather opened a jar of Limberger cheese he got at a shop, and all we siblings ran to lock ourselves in the bathroom because it smelled so bad, and your uncle was the youngest of five and too slow, so he got trapped outside the door. Maybe that was why. Remember, we’re probably all on the spectrum. We’re very sensitive to smells. But anyway, he was terrified of cheese. He couldn’t just not eat it; he’d throw a tantrum if he was near it. And since he was the youngest and the Golden Child, he got away with everything. We all accommodated him instead of expecting him to get over it, when he was about three and four.”

“How do you accommodate a fear of cheese?”

“We didn’t make reference to cheese in front of him. We didn’t eat cheese in front of him. We learned to call macaroni and cheese ‘macaroni and butter’ and he ate it. We called cheese pizza ‘plain pizza’ and he ate it. Parmesan cheese was just Parmesan. We called the cheese on plain pizza ‘pizza skin.’ It all worked out, a surprising amount of the time. And then it wouldn’t and he’d have a tantrum.”

Michael came into the room just then and observed that this was the most convoluted way to run a household, or words to that effect.

“Well, we got used to it. But that’s not the point. We used to go to the Chautaqua on Lake Erie, to Lakeside, every summer the week after the Fourth of July. It started out as a Methodist campground and your great grandmother is a Methodist. A Methodist is a kind of Protestant Christian. She liked to listen to the preaching, and she liked to sit in her wheelchair on the pavilion and watch the boats on the lake. My grumpy old bachelor uncle would come along and take us swimming. One day I’ll take you there. But on the way to Lakeside, there’s about two hours of driving through the flattest, most boring part of Ohio, where there were all these tourist traps. Remember, there wasn’t very much home internet in those days. You couldn’t just google “things to do in Sandusky” or something like that. So all of these random weird tourist attractions would advertise by setting up a series of billboards on the freeway to entice you to stop.”

Adrienne was fully engulfed in the story now, not even looking at the phone.

“One of the tourist traps was this fancy grocery store called the Cheese Haven. They had signs for miles and miles. ‘Only twenty miles to the Cheese Haven! We have 140 different kinds of homemade cheese!’ ‘Ten miles to the Cheese Haven! Ohio’s largest selection of different cheese spreads!’ ‘Only five more miles to the Cheese Haven! Don’t miss our collection of rare candy!’ ‘Here’s your exit for home-smoked sausage at the Cheese Haven!’ Something like that. And of course, we desperately wanted to go to the Cheese Haven. We were all begging my father to take a pit stop at the Cheese Haven. The last year we hadn’t been able to, but we wanted to go this particular year.”

“Okay. Okay. What did my uncle think of this?”

“Well, he couldn’t read yet. So we hatched a plan. We all secretly agreed to call it “The Buter Haven.”

Now Michael and Adrienne were both staring, incredulous.

“And he fell for it,” I went on. “It worked. The logo of the Cheese Haven is a round of cheese with one triangle slice taken out, and we told him it was a circular loaf of butter, and he believed us. We said there were 27 different varieties of homemade butter. He would see the butter all arrayed in the deli counter when we walked in. He believed it all. Remember, he was only three. When we got there, it was paradise. It looked like an old fashioned general store from a movie. We were all allowed to buy several things because the fridge at the rental house by the beach would be big enough and we could eat them all week. My father filled a basket with cheese and sausage. My mother got crackers and spread. There were those striped lollipops like they have in cartoons. There were candy buttons and wax bottles and wax lips, all kids of old fashioned candy, and we got way too much. And for the longest time, everything was going perfectly. It was like a comedy sketch. People in the shop kept asking questions, and the man behind the counter kept answering the questions using a word other than ‘cheese’ just by coincidence. He said ‘No, Ma’am, you don’t have to refrigerate any of it. I’ve got a block of cheddar on the board in the back that’s been there for twenty-seven years.’ Cheddar, instead of cheese.”

“Twenty-seven YEARS?”

“Mm-hmm. A good aged white cheddar, very sharp. The kind that makes your cheeks hurt. But of course, just when we were almost ready to leave, we blew it. Someone asked if the smoked fish was made on the premises, and the clerk said ‘No, Ma’am, we only make the cheese and the sausage.’ And your uncle gave me this terrified look and said ‘That man said they ONLY MAKE CHEEEEEEEESE!” and he fell down on the floor and had a tantrum. Mom had to carry him out to the van.

“But did you get to buy the cheese?”

“Somehow, we did. It was all in bags when we came out and we stuck it in the trunk when he was already in his booster seat. I think that trip was the beginning of the end of his being so sensitive. And then we were at Lakeside. We used to pretend the old Victorian hotel was haunted. And there was this cave underneath the monument with the liberty bell; I would imagine I was a conductor on the Underground Railroad, taking people to Canada–”

Adrienne got up just then, uninterested in my rambling anymore, and went to do something fun.

I sat at the computer and started googling all those tourist attractions up by Lake Erie. Most of the ones I remember are still there. The Cheese Haven is there.

One day I will go back.

Mary Pezzulo is the author of Meditations on the Way of the Cross, The Sorrows an d Joys of Mary, and Stumbling into Grace: How We Meet God in Tiny Works of Mercy.

Steel Magnificat operates almost entirely on tips. To tip the author, donate to “The Little Portion” on paypal or Mary Pezzulo on venmo

Family, Parenting and Religion

Food and Religion

Previous Post

August 24, 2024

A Neighbor, A Family, And Christianity

Next Post

August 27, 2024 Let's Talk About Ohio Issue One for 2024

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"I'm still considering it myself. I don't know what the answer is. I respect where ..."

Mary

On Traditionalist Bullies, and the Death ..."

"Thank you for bringing so much goodness into the lives of so many children.Ran across ..."

alwayspuzzled

The Passion of the Red Oak

"This current administration has had me reflecting on the Nuremberg trials and the like, for ..."

axelbeingcivil

On Traditionalist Bullies, and the Death ..."

"You're talking about supercessionism, the idea that Christians "replace" the covenant that the Jewish people ..."

Alex

Yes, the Old Testament is About ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which book of the Bible contains the Ten Plagues of Egypt?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Exodus Leviticus Deuteronomy Genesis