Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Home and Religion
A Room Made of Sunflowers

A Room Made of Sunflowers

Last updated on: February 7, 2023 at 5:58 pm by Mary Pezzulo

0 Comments

A Room Made of Sunflowers 2023-02-07T17:58:39-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

a sunflower with an orange butterfly

image via Pixabay

It’s a rough February, as all Februaries are, but I’ve been passing the time by imagining a room made of sunflowers.

This is an idea I discovered while staring at online seed catalogs and trying not to go crazy.

My veteran readers know that I’m always crazy, but especially in February. I cannot abide February. I love bright color and beautiful things, but there’s none of that to be had in Steubenville in February. The sun rarely shines and it’s down before six. None of the plants are alive. There are no parties or interesting things to look forward to. It’s just rain and slush and drizzle. I get so depressed it’s hard to write. Gratuities in the tip jar slow to a trickle.

This year it’s doubly depressing because there’s a car parked outside my house that I cannot drive. It’s still acting up and I can’t afford to finish fixing it.

I thought I’d planned ahead for February. Last April when we got our one big check of the year, I bought museum passes for Adrienne’s homeschooling, but also so that I could always have something interesting to do during difficult times. I anticipated my winter slump. I planned ahead, to be able to spend January and February when nothing good ever happens going to Pittsburgh to look at the Monets and the Van Gogh for free whenever I had a tank full of gas. That would keep the brain worms at bay. I’d solved a problem ahead of time for once in my life. Done and done. So, of course, my car broke down the week before Christmas and the repairs it needs all cost money. We spent the month of January waiting for the first of them to be fixed. I don’t even know what the most recent meltdown was, because the benefactor I know as Uncle Junkyard hasn’t been able to come out and look at it yet. I assume I’ll need an engine harness at minimum, in addition to those brakes and patching that exhaust leak. The estimated bill keeps going up. So do our utility bills. Every day brings us closer to rent being due. We have to find a way to keep everything out of shutoff, and that’s bad enough. We simply can’t get the car fixed.

If I were still a Charismatic I would either be dousing the car with holy water to make the evil spirits go away, or grimly accepting my cross because God always does the nastiest possible thing to you so that you can offer it up. And when I put it that way, I’m reminded that in my experience, the god of the Charismatic Renewal tends to act exactly like the devil. Funny how that works.

I haven’t been anywhere since December. I hate to ride the bus so I don’t even go to the library.

No wonder, then, that I’m going crazy.

I have been channeling my madness into seed catalogs.

When I was a spirited little girl, I would read the American Girl doll catalog from cover to cover and having my own Felicity with all the trimmings, to play with and make up adventures. I played out stories for hours in my head, not with an actual doll but with the photo of the doll in the catalog. Now that I am a boring middle aged joke of a woman, I do the same with online seed catalogs. I squint at photos of flowers and fruits. I coordinate elaborate bouquets of the things I’d grow if it were spring. I plan pasta sauces to make out of certain breeds of tomatoes and basil. I draw diagrams on scrap paper, forget where I put them, and set my coffee on top of them later.

Fantasies of gardens are keeping me alive.

I think about gardening and I remember: it’s only three weeks and a day until March. In March we’ll have plenty to do in the community garden, ripping all the old rotten plants out of the raised beds, putting down cloth to prevent weeds, finding a way to get rid of that wood pile, and then I’ll plant onions and sugar snap peas in soil that’s still ice cold to the touch. Maybe I’ll even dare to plant something at home. The stalking neighbor hasn’t bothered us since August. She’s stopped going outside entirely. She checks her mail and takes out the trash once a week, when her children visit on Saturday. Maybe she’s vanquished for good this year and I can learn to stop jumping in fear every time I go to my backyard.

It’s only seven weeks and four days until April. In April all the birds are really back. Perhaps I’ll set up a forest of bird feeders all around my backyard and fill the shady planter behind the house with leafy greens for Lady McFluff. Maybe I’ll fill the front planter with pansies and violas in bright colors to spruce up the front of the house.

It’s only eighty-three days until May. In May I can start my corn and squash and put my tomato plants outside. I’ll be burying my potatoes for the first time and watch them sprout up again. I’m getting good at potatoes.

I think I’ll plant even more sunflowers this year.

I saw a diagram online for planting a room made of sunflowers, and it’s captured my imagination. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to make a room of sunflowers. I’ll plant them in the soft soil that’s waiting under that useless wood pile. I’ll put down dowels or a fence for them to lean on so they don’t fall over like they did in my planters last year. And I won’t just plant yellow sunflowers but all kinds of sunflowers, evening stars and lemon queens and double sun kings. I can hide in there and wait for goldfinches to come out and feast on the seeds, and everything will be color and life again.

Maybe I’ll bring my paints out to the garden and paint pictures of sunflowers, to keep with me all year.

Maybe I’ll do some painting today, to pass the time.

There isn’t much more time to pass.

It’s just a matter of getting through February.

Mary Pezzulo is the author of Meditations on the Way of the Cross, The Sorrows and Joys of Mary, and Stumbling into Grace: How We Meet God in Tiny Works of Mercy.

Steel Magnificat operates almost entirely on tips. To tip the author, visit our donate page.

Home and Religion

Appalachia

gardening

Previous Post

February 7, 2023

A Day of Rest

Next Post

February 8, 2023 On the Shunning of Francine or Frances

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Apparently the magic trick all along was "allow his cultists to feel the pain." Biden's ..."

Mary

A Place Worth Fighting For

"To steal from Lincoln - Trump can screw some of the people all of the ..."

alwayspuzzled

A Place Worth Fighting For

"Good news, everyone! Things are beginning to finally change!"

Alex

America Doesn’t Have To Be The ..."

"I completely agree."

Mary

Americans are Equal, and Racism is ..."

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month November 2026 October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: The fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, and twelve other qualities.

Select your answer to see how you score.

TRUE FALSE