Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
A Tree to Save the World

A Tree to Save the World

Last updated on: November 24, 2021 at 1:39 pm by Mary Pezzulo

A Tree to Save the World 2021-11-24T13:39:32-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Truth be told, the anxiety is still bad.

I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life. It’s been misdiagnosed as a symptom of a hundred other things. Now I understand it’s a symptom of PCOS. We’re still working out getting it under control.

Last week there was plenty to make me anxious. This week there really isn’t much. We were flat broke with nothing to pay the shutoff amount on the water or the rent and the car was nearly out of gas, and the menacing neighbor was going through her extremely agitated phase. Today we’re flat broke with the shutoff amount and the rent paid and Thanksgiving nearly ready to go, the neighbor is tired, and we’ve still got half a tank in the Neighborhood Trolley. We won the race by a hair. Next week will take care of itself. But I’m still scared to death.

My anxiety means I’m often in agony inside, while going through the motions outside. People with anxiety or depression know this feeling. It’s a weird sort of double life, like being a secret agent. Nothing you’re doing on the outside matches how you feel in your mind. Outside, you’re taking a shower or picking up spilled laundry or going for a walk, while inside you’re on the rack. Inside, you are absolutely certain that the door will be beaten down by a SWAT team hear to arrest you and humiliate you in front of the neighborhood, while outside you’re doing the dishes. Physically, you are homeschooling your daughter. Emotionally, you are being led to the guillotine.

I know this episode will be over soon, but it feels like the world will come to an end first.

Yesterday Rosie, my anxiety and I went to run errands. Outside I was trying to get things done before a silly commercial holiday. Inside, I was looking for something to save the world.

First we went to the thrift store to donate some old clothes and a few stuffed animals that Rosie had never felt close to in the first place. This wasn’t Corduroy and Woger, her beloved bears who used to get into so many charming antics in her imagination; she’ll keep those forever for old time’s sake. This was just a Winnie the Pooh and a Hello Kitty she never liked. But somehow, when I handed them off to the volunteer, I felt a twinge of grief on top of my fear. All my mortality rushing over me. My only child is ten and it just might be that I’ll never have another.

I reminded myself that we were only passing along some things we don’t need, that might be useful to another family on a budget.

Will a stuffed animal save the world? No, but it might make a nice Christmas for a child who likes Hello Kitty or Winnie the Pooh. And that’s something.

Next we stopped at the Friendship Room, to donate a six pack of orange juice I’d bought when we did our big grocery stock-up last week. I remembered a formerly addicted person commenting online that the first thing she wanted in heroin withdrawal was a glass of orange juice. It was something she craved when she couldn’t keep solid food down. So when I saw the orange juice on the Kroger shelf, I grabbed it and put it in the trunk until my next visit downtown.

The Friendship Room was busy as an anthill as usual. Volunteers at the Friendship Room were bustling back and forth, helping people. They always find a moment to thank me for my donation as if it’s the best gift in the world, and they never stand still as they do so. They are constantly moving boxes, stuffing the free pantry, sorting clothing, serving coffee to guests. They’ve already put out the Christmas decorations and the old luminous creche, which looked silly on a late fall day when some of the trees were still golden. There was a new rack of coats up on the porch, so people could search through and find something to put on for free even when there wasn’t a volunteer to help them.

The fear caught in my throat again. Fear that I was annoying the volunteers and should go away. Fear that I hadn’t done enough to help my neighbor and God was going to smack me. Fear that my gift was the wrong one and would somehow hurt someone. Fear I wasn’t worth anything.

Will a bottle of juice save the world? No, but it might make it less painful for somebody for an hour or two. That’s worth doing.

Rosie asked if we could drive up and down Third and Fourth Street an extra time, to admire the Christmas display our city just put out for the season. Steubenville is actually pretty during the holidays. Fort Steuben Park has an Advent Market selling local crafts, and the main commercial streets of downtown are decorated with an ever expanding collection of wooden Nutcracker statues. This year, they’ve also put out Christmas trees. There’s a festive tree in every sidewalk planter that used to have petunias in the summer. They are decorated with lights and laminated paper ornaments colored by the school children. One of them had pool noodles stuffed in the branches at whimsical angles. At least some of them are not artificial trees but genuine pines from a Christmas tree farm; I saw the city trucks filled with pines last week. It seemed ironic to me: planting a dead tree in every city planter to celebrate the birth of Christ and the return of holiday tourists. But they did look beautiful.

Will a dead tree save the world? Oh yes. It happened a few thousand years ago. The shoot sprang up from the stump of Jesse, and dried out and died on Calvary, and rose again. He will come again to judge the living and the dead. First, for a little while, we are stranded in this odd place where suffering happens, and there is nothing good about suffering. But thanks to the Tree, our suffering is taken up into the life of God, and has meaning.

We drove over the bridge to Weirton to go to the new Aldi store and spend the Grand Opening coupons they mailed us. That stretch of the freeway through the foothills of Appalachia is beautiful in any season: shale cliffs and trees, trees and shale cliffs, all the way out to Pennsylvania. This time of year most of the trees are bare, but here and there there is a golden tree that holds onto its red-brown leaves all winter. They look like little torches holding onto the light all through the darkest season.

For a moment, I felt safe.

Mary Pezzulo is the author of Meditations on the Way of the Cross and Stumbling into Grace: How We Meet God in Tiny Works of Mercy.
Steel Magnificat operates almost entirely on tips. To tip the author, visit our donate page.

Previous Post

November 23, 2021

Turkey Turkey: a Guest Blog Post By Rose

Next Post

November 28, 2021 No Wind at the Window

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What spice was brought by the wise men to Jesus?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Mint Pepper Myrrh Cinnamon