Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Nothing Can Make This Right

Nothing Can Make This Right

Last updated on: August 18, 2020 at 4:06 am by Mary Pezzulo

Nothing Can Make This Right 2020-08-18T04:06:16-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I found out today that a baby had died alone.

It was all over the news after I got back from running an errand. Parents from downtown Steubenville are accused of leaving a two-year-old child alone in his crib from two in the morning until noon over the weekend. At noon they found him dead, and then the mother went shopping.

The judge asked if that mother had any other children, and the answer was yes. She had eight others, all of whom had been removed from her by CPS in the past. And the internet quickly found out that she’d given birth to a tenth just a week ago. They were sharing the screenshot of her facebook post announcing the birth in the comment section.

I tried not to think about that all evening.

I tried not to think about the fact that I had been asleep in my own house during all the hours the baby suffered alone in a different part of town, completely unknown to me, on a street I’d walked down many times. For some reason it seemed especially terrible that Rosie had been having an anxious and lonely day that day, and I’d been too tired to be much fun. Michael took her to the park for the first time since the COVID emergency began; she played on the swings in her mask in the evening, and I cried once again at the thought of what a terrible year it was.

Why was that important? Why could I not stop thinking about what I was doing when a child I’d never met died alone?

The enormity of the suffering and child neglect in the Ohio Valley is something I can’t even describe. This is a hopeless place. There have probably been many tragedies like this in the years I’ve lived here, but somehow this one got under my skin.

I kept thinking that I had seen the mug in that mug shot before somewhere. On the bus, perhaps, or at the Friendship Room which is near the house where her son died alone. Or maybe it was somebody else with the same exhausted eyes. Lots of people look exhausted here.

She had eight children taken away, and they still let her keep a baby.

I tried to banter with people on social media, as I always do. I tried to do phonics with Rosie in her eccentric workbook that has her read such oddly poetic sentences: “Would you eat a cactus for dinner? Would a raven make a good pilot?”

I tried to watch a cooking show and drink my coffee.

Nothing made the horror go away.

Rosie wandered out to play, then in to complain that it was unexpectedly raining. Then she wandered back out to the porch, and in again to tell me that there was a rainbow outside, and there was: the brightest, most vibrant rainbow I’ve seen over LaBelle in years. It didn’t look real. It looked like it must be a cartoon. The Baker Street Irregulars shouted at me from down the street to look at it, as if I wasn’t looking already. Even the menacing neighbor came outside and snapped a photo.

It seemed obscene, to look up at an impossibly bright rainbow arching over downtown, while trying not to think about a dead baby.

I tried to stop imagining the baby crying in his crib, but the problem with trying to stop imagining something is that it just comes back more vivid.

I tried to imagine the baby in Heaven, playing happily in the arms of the Virgin Mary. But the fact is, I’m a child of Apparition Culture. I’ve always been a little afraid of the Virgin Mary.

I went back to the garden.

Most of the squash had already died off and been thrown on the compost heap. I’d planted some tiny stringy broccoli seedlings in their place, but they fell over and died overnight. I sprinkled broccoli and kale seeds all over that part of the patch, just to see what would grow for Autumn.

I’m trying to stretch out the garden til the last possible minute before a hard freeze, just to see how long I can grow food. I planted peas in the soft mud along every single inch of the fence I built to keep the menacing neighbor out. I planted peas in the planter where the obnoxious pumpkin vine is taking over the side of the house. I pulled up perfectly good bean plants to make room for the tiny butterbush squash plant because I’m sick to death of beans– but as I pulled them off, I yanked the beans off for one last meal before putting the bushes in the compost. I tore up fists full of crabgrass and accidentally took a few strawberry runners with them. I yanked up a pepper plant that annoyed me.

The garden didn’t need weeding that badly, but I needed it.

I needed to break something.

Nothing can make this right.

Nothing can make the painful death of a baby right, ever.

If God turned the tapestry around to show me that He’d deliberately killed that baby and caused that suffering for some higher purpose, I would know for fact that God was evil and a liar, because nothing in Heaven or on earth can ever make an evil thing good.

I grew up believing in a god who inflicted suffering on purpose. Some souls he hurt to punish them; some souls got caught in the crossfire of his punishments and died horribly– it was said that the Indonesian tsunami that killed so many people, for instance, was a punishment for child trafficking, and that AIDS was a punishment for homosexuality. On the other hand, this terrible god of my childhood hurt some souls specifically because they were good. They were so good, he marked them for a life of suffering and bad luck to offer it up from other people. That was the catechism I was taught.

I don’t believe in that dreadful idol of my childhood anymore.

The only God I know now is Christ, Who descended from Heaven to Earth in order to draw Earth up into Heaven. Christ Who became Man so that man might become God. Christ Who does not explain to me the mystery of suffering or the mystery of why evil exists, but only demands to suffer the consequences of evil Himself so that no one suffers alone. I know that, because Christ became Man, every human suffering is drawn up into the suffering of Christ. My shock is Christ’s shock. My fear is Christ’s fear. When Rosie is bored and lonely in this, the worst year of her life so far, Christ is bored and lonely in her. Everyone who is abused is Christ abused. And every baby that dies alone is the Christ child dying alone.

I believe that I will see Christ coming on the clouds of Heaven to judge the living and the dead. I will see His blessed mother, and love who she really is instead of the person I fear she is sometimes. I will see that child who died alone and every other child returning, and all the graves open, and every wrong righted. That day is coming soon. That day has always been coming soon. And the Glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Does this make it all right?

No, nothing can make it all right.

Not even God can make it all right.

Does this explain it all?

Not in the least.

It’s just something I believe, that’s all.

I brought in my day’s harvest and changed my dirty clothes, while Rosie played in the kitchen.

I cried, inside, where no one sees but God, and God cried in me.

There is a gofundme for the baby’s funeral expenses, if anyone would like to help.

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Mary Pezzulo is the author of Meditations on the Way of the Cross.

Steel Magnificat operates almost entirely on tips. To tip the author, visit our donate page.

mourn with those mourn

Previous Post

August 18, 2020

In Spite of Christians

Next Post

August 19, 2020 Save Lives or Punish People? Which is Pro-Life?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who had a coat of many colors?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Benjamin Jacob Esau Joseph