Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Chastity, Incels, And Good Catholic Men

Chastity, Incels, And Good Catholic Men

Last updated on: May 1, 2018 at 3:09 pm by Mary Pezzulo

Chastity, Incels, And Good Catholic Men 2018-05-01T15:09:53-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

There’s been a lot of talk about “incels” lately.

“Incel,” as you may have already heard, stands for “involuntary celibate.” It is a name certain misogynistic internet trolls use on themselves, to describe the fact that they haven’t had any sex lately despite wanting it badly. For this, they blame the women who were cheeky enough to refuse to sleep with them. They feel entitled to a hot girl to satisfy their cravings, and will do anything including commit terrorist attacks to vent their frustration.

I must clarify at this point that there is no such thing as a person who is involuntarily celibate. The dictionary defines celibacy as “the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.” Abstaining is a voluntary act. Celibacy is not the same as just happening to not have sex. Celibacy is, by definition, voluntary. It’s a choice. A monk who takes a vow of chastity and keeps that vow to the letter, a married man avoiding sex while his wife recovers from surgery, a man trapped on a desert island a thousand miles from the nearest other human being, and an awkward man desperate to be sexually active but never quite finding a willing partner, are all examples of men not having sex. Only one of them, the monk, is celibate. Two of them, the monk and the married man, are being chaste. Chastity is, in itself, always a good thing and not optional for Catholics striving to live according to the teachings of the Church. Celibacy is in itself morally neutral– as is not happening to have sex.

Now that so-called incels have gained the public’s attention, I’m hearing a lot of people grumble that the kind of man who mistakenly calls himself an involuntary celibate is the product of feminism and the so-called Sexual Revolution, as is rape culture in general. Clearly these people never heard about what started the Trojan war. This argument usually comes from people who honestly think that abortion suddenly began happening in the 1970s because of Roe Versus Wade, which is also nonsense. Read Hippocrates, who mentioned abortion between 300 and 500 BC. There’s always been such a thing as abortion. Every society since human societies came into fashion has had tacitly approved ways in which unwanted infants were disposed of. Today, it’s easier than ever. This is tragedy, horror, and may God lead us to repentance. But it’s not new. The same is true of the kind of men who are now calling themselves incels. There have definitely been such people in every human society since the Fall of Man. These days they don’t ride their horses over the hill to carry off maidens from the next village; they gripe online and occasionally commit rape or murder because they claim they can’t help themselves. They’ve made up an annoying new name, but people who feel entitled to to have sex with a hot girl by virtue of wanting to badly enough have always been around. It’s not a new phenomenon.

Nor is it exclusively secular. Plenty of secular men, atheists and the like, act this way, but it’s not something that professing a faith will fix. I am certain that we can find men who think themselves entitled to sex with women, and feel victimized that they can’t have any, in just about any faith.

It’s certainly true in Catholicism.

I once read a squicky article where a man called for modest dress in Mass– and he finished his demand by saying that we needed to go back to the tradition of virgins wearing white mantillas and every other woman wearing dark ones, so that he as an unmarried man could know which ones to fantasize about. He came right out and said it. He wanted women to identify the state of their hymens by wearing color-coordinated veils, so that he could know which ones he was entitled to daydream about sex with. The correct answer, of course, is none of them. You’re not entitled to objectify any woman in that way. The Catechism says we are to cherish and respect each human being as our equal, as another self, and never treat another as a mere object for our gratification, sexual or otherwise. And, like it or not, virgins in white mantillas are human beings.

This reminds me of my time at Franciscan University — not because this situation is unique to the university but because it’s a place with which I have firsthand experience. When I went to Franciscan, I met a lot of men who talked as though they thought themselves entitled to a hot mantilla-wearing girl. There was a lot of joking about young women going to FUS just so that they could graduate with an MRS– finding the prize of a chaste Catholic man to marry as their main motive for going to a Catholic college. And I’m not saying that wasn’t objectifying men; it was. But the way men talked about finding a chaste Catholic bride was, to me, more sinister.

There really did seem to be a prevalent cultural attitude that, once a young man had ruled out the priesthood as his vocation, he was certain his vocation was to be the head of a family– and since it was his vocation, he was entitled to have a wife whether the young lady was interested or not.

I was once chatting with a male friend who’d been to a priestly discernment retreat and was praying for God to show him what his vocation was.

“When do I get to find out God’s answer?” I jokingly asked.

“When I’m marrying one of you,” he said in total sincerity. Whether one of us wanted to marry him wasn’t a question in his mind– if he wasn’t going to get to be a priest, God was going to shove one of us into his bed and that was that.

There were plenty of cases of a smitten man following a poor woman around like Pepe Le Pew, because they just knew it was God’s will. They seemed to believe that saying “God’s will” instead of “because I want it” and planning on saving the sex they so desperately wanted until the wedding night made this less of a sexual harassment situation. There were men who were bitter and angry that every time they made an advance on a young lady, she had other plans in mind. Their vocation was marriage, they were sure, but no woman was willing to go along with God’s plan. They were being denied their vocation because of the stubbornness of women.

And then the rape jokes would start.

Franciscan University of Steubenville

heresy

human dignity

laity and lay vocations

misogyny

personal beliefs

Public face of Catholicism

Franciscan University

Previous Post

April 28, 2018

Christ the Vine and the Secret Garden

Next Post

May 1, 2018 On the Death of Alfie Evans

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Dry bones in a valley came together, received sinews and flesh, then breath entered them. What did this valley represent?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The resurrection The dead The house of Israel God's army