Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Swinging for Chastity

Swinging for Chastity

Last updated on: October 26, 2017 at 2:18 am by Mary Pezzulo

Swinging for Chastity 2017-10-26T02:18:16-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

argentine-tango-2079964_640

When I was a teenager, in that strange homeschool group where we kept ourselves pure from the big bad world, we were all put into swing-dance lessons, for chastity’s sake.

Teenagers were presumed to be thinking about sex all the time; it was of great importance that we be given other things to do, so we wouldn’t have any until we were adults and safely married. We weren’t allowed to go on dates, because dating would lead to sex, but we were allowed to mingle with members of the opposite sex at youth group meetings and intensely awkward supervised parties. I understood there was something called “courtship” which we would eventually be expected to undergo instead of dating, and which seemed like dating but did not involve sex, but I didn’t want to engage in courtship. All the boys I knew were irritating and immature; they homeschooled or went to the local all-boys prep school, talked about nothing but The Lord of the Rings, and treated girls like aliens. I didn’t want to talk about The Lord of the Rings with those boys, on a date or during courtship. I wanted to read The Lord of the Rings, and everything else I could get my hands on. I wanted to paint abstracts with my acryllics, do cryptic crossword puzzles and go for walks in the woods.

I certainly didn’t want to dance, when the idea was proposed. But I was a teenage girl, and teenage girls have to be given things to do or they’ll be unchaste, so I was enrolled in swing dancing lessons. Most of the people I know were enrolled. Some younger teens were kept home, because their parents said that dancing was ” part of the courtship ritual” and therefore unchaste for people under the age of sixteen, but most of the teenagers I knew met me at the dance studio on Sunday nights.

The instructor was a wizened, elderly man who had danced on Broadway in his prime. He randomly assigned partners at the beginning of every lesson, and had us switch partners several times during the class, so even ugly and awkward I got to dance with several boys each time.

We learned the waltz, to the lilting tunes of a very weird country ballad set in 3/4 time and played on a tape deck. We learned the standard one-two-one-two-step-two footwork for basic swing, set to another weird country ballad in 4/4 time. We learned the cha-cha-cha, to a third piece of country music. We learned the Lindy Hop. We learned the fox trot.

Repressed young boys in polo shirts who thought that dancing was part of the courtship ritual were allowed to hold hands with girls and lightly touch their clothed waists, some for the first time in their lives. Modestly clad girls got our first lesson in submitting to man, doing a little spin whenever our partners gave our waists or shoulders a push. Boys who played lacrosse and football because their parents thought it would keep them from becoming gay were suddenly expected to move with petite grace; they lurched around the room, all jagged knees and elbows. Girls who had been taught it was immodest to swing their hips stood ramrod straight, moving only their arms and legs. It was the most bizarre, awkward, ridiculous thing I’d witnessed in my short life.

I loved it.

There are few moments in my whole dark childhood I would like to have again, but I would love to take another round of those chastity swing dance classes. I found that dancing, as a social activity, was almost as much fun as being alone. After all, the worst part of forced teenage meet-and-greets was trying to figure out what to do– whom to make small talk with, what to talk about, what to do with my hands while I was talking. But when I was dancing, nobody expected me to talk. I had an elderly Broadway dancer telling me exactly what to do with my hands, my feet, and every muscle in my body. I didn’t have to wonder if I was doing the wrong thing– he would tell me immediately if I was doing the wrong thing, and what to do instead. It was wrong to stare at my feet. It was right to flip my hair with one hand when my partner spun me around. It was wrong to take steps that were too big; it was right to point my toe instead of flexing it with each step. It was all decided for me– all I had to do was follow the steps.

And I enjoyed following the steps. It made me feel competent, graceful– maybe even beautiful, if I didn’t catch a glimpse of myself in the studio mirror. I felt like an elf from The Lord of the Rings. Better yet, I was a human, a human and not a clumsy freak. I was a human having a good time, even though I wasn’t pretty and even though there were annoying boys in the room.

Our parents organized a swing ball at the local church– the only high school dance I ever attended. My mother bought me a bright red dress, with a nice chaste wrap for my shoulders; she teased my hair and gave me lipstick. When I got to the party, I eventually shrugged off my wrap because it was impossible to dance with it on, but somehow nobody scolded me for my scandalous bare shoulders. I danced– mostly with chaperones, since there was no instructor to organize pairs and the teenage boys paired off with the pretty girls. But one of the quieter boys from class did ask me to dance with him at one point. He lurched me around the floor, awkward, ungraceful, not really in time with the odd country-waltz music. He tapped my shoulder and made me spin around.

Toward the end of the dance, he whispered, “You look nice, Mary.”

I must have flushed as red as my dress.

I still don’t know what any of that had to do with chastity, but it gave me something to do.

(image via Pixabay)

Previous Post

October 24, 2017

An Article Which Has Nothing to Do With Father James Martin

Next Post

October 26, 2017 An Accidental Cosplay

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was the name of the Jewish ruling council in Jesus’ time?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Essenes Sanhedrin Sadducees Pharisees