Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
You Do Not Have To Be Merry

You Do Not Have To Be Merry

Last updated on: December 7, 2016 at 2:34 pm by Mary Pezzulo

You Do Not Have To Be Merry 2016-12-07T14:34:52-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

If you’re clinically depressed, a felt obligation not to be will make it worse, and if you’re just sad it will make the sadness more difficult to bear. It’s a terrible way of looking at emotions– but it is a way that our culture encourages. I think that, especially this time of year, most of us are pressured to feel merry and frolicsome. We’re supposed to be like the happy Whos or the jolly Cratchits, not the Grinch or Mr. Scrooge. Even in church, depending on your music director’s tastes, you’re probably being sung at to “Rejoice! Rejoice!” and in a few weeks you’ll be told “Let us be merry, throw troubles away!” And it’s easy to think that the lyrics of those songs are imperatives which you’re a bad Christian if you don’t obey, rather than reminders of the joy that is to come.

You probably feel pressured to try to induce an emotion of happiness right now. I know I do. I feel like I ought to be watching that horrible televised Christmas special my father tape recorded off of television almost thirty years ago– the one with the bespectacled agnostic mouse and with Joel Grey playing the clockmaker– while stuffing warm Toll House cookies in my mouth, to try to bring on the same childlike wonder and anticipation I had when I was six. But the fact is, I hate that movie, Toll House cookies make me sick, and there’s nothing in the world more miserable than trying to induce an emotion because you feel like you’re supposed to.

I have some good news: you’re not supposed to.

You are not required to feel happy. You are not required to do things to induce a feeling of happiness. God does not require that of you. No reasonable person will have their holiday ruined if you’re not feeling festive every moment. If someone else really requires you to be filled with glee at all times, THEY are the ones with the problem, not you.

And you’re not a failure if you can’t induce a feeling of cheer. Genuine happiness is not something that can be induced, anyway. Happiness comes from other sources, usually when you’re occupying yourself with things more important than making sure you feel the right way.

If you feel festive this holiday season: great! You’ve been given a gift, a small anticipation of the Heavenly joy which awaits us because of the miracle of Christ’s birth. Don’t try to hold onto or artificially prolong that emotion, but have a good time.

If you feel miserable this holiday season: great! You’re feeling something that’s real. We really do live in a fallen world, and even our most joyous seasons here on earth are streaked with sorrow. Suffer with Christ. Console one another. If you can think of something that’ll cheer you up, and if you can do it without neglecting the weightier responsibilities of the Christian life, go and do it. If it doesn’t work, don’t feel like that’s your fault. If you feel that you may be suffering from depression or anxiety, get some help from a counselor about it, and I’ll pray for your healing and consolation. But if it’s just seasonal blahs, don’t worry. It’s to be expected, and you’re not required to feel differently.

If you feel just okay this holiday season, neither sad nor happy, great! You’re probably a very level-headed person. Be patient with those who are festive. Be compassionate to those who mourn.

Life is difficult enough. Emotion policing is one burden you shouldn’t have to bear. You owe it to yourself to let it go. Feel however you feel. Have a merry Christmas, if you can. But you do not have to be merry.

Previous Post

December 6, 2016

Veterans Beg Forgiveness of Standing Rock Sioux

Next Post

December 7, 2016 A Reader Asks: What About the Gender Identity Of Santa?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which prophet stood watch on a rampart to hear from God?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Joel Amos Habakkuk Ezekiel