Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Be Sweet!

Be Sweet!

Last updated on: April 12, 2016 at 3:28 pm by Mary Pezzulo

Be Sweet! 2016-04-12T15:28:52-04:00 Mary Pezzulo

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

colors-1242661_640

I’ve said it at least a thousand times since we left the house for Tot Time.

It started when I saw another woman at the bus stop. Rose is shy and doesn’t like saying hello to strange grown ups; she hadn’t got much sleep, and was already promising to be cranky. Mommy got even less sleep. Mommy was on the verge of dozing off as I walked.

“Rose,” I hissed, “Be sweet. Mind your manners. Say hello.”

Rose did not say hello, but she did not cry or stick out her tongue. She walked up and down the curb, pretending to climb a mountain, until the bus arrived. It was Lynne driving, the driver who especially likes Rose and always greets her.

“Rose,” I said, “Be sweet to Lynne. Say hello.”

Rose did not say hello, but she didn’t snarl either. We went to the library together, and played until it was almost time for Tot Time. Rose went into the little playhouse, and then came running out, offended.

“Mommy!” she said. “There’s a one-year-old baby in the playhouse!”

I said it again. “Be sweet to her. Mind your manners. We play together at the library. Ask her to play.”

Then it was time for Tot Time. “Be sweet and listen to the story, Rose. Look at the bunny! It’s a bunny! Don’t you want to go pet the bunny? Rose, be sweet. Mind your manners. Don’t tell the teacher you hate bunnies. Rose, be sweet and don’t throw your puppet. Rose, be sweet.”

Next, we went across the street to Aldi. And I found that I’d forgotten my cart quarter.

The tiredness was full blown exhaustion at this point, and the wind was getting quite cold. I set down our bags and started awkwardly searching the sidewalk for dropped change.

“Maybe that lady will give us her cart?” Rose asked a little too loudly, as a well-dressed lady returned her cart to the corral. She locked her cart back in, took her quarter deposit back, stepped into an expensive car and jetted away. A gentleman returned his cart, took away the quarter– greedily, I thought, as I stood there in desperation– and drove away in a pickup truck. Then an older woman started to put back her cart, and hesitated. She tried to give it away to the people who had just arrived and were in the act of putting their own quarter into the cart corral, and the only thing that stopped me from swearing was that I was equally inclined to cry and to run away.
Be sweet, said my guardian angel. Mind your manners.

I minded my manners. The people standing next to us very sweetly offered the cart to me, and I took it. During grocery shopping, I can proudly state that Rose only had one tantrum and Mommy had zero, though I did threaten to put the marshmallows back on the shelf and only buy boring food. And when the shopping trip was done, I left my cart, with the quarter still in it, for the next person.

It occurs to me that so many human interactions could be eased by those words: be sweet. Mind your manners. So many verbal brawls I’ve witnessed in the past week, including a couple I’ve taken part in myself, could be avoided entirely.

Is someone making an awkward situation more awkward by what seems like unkindness? Be sweet. Mind your manners. Maybe they honestly didn’t see. Consider how often you yourself must have missed the opportunity to be kind, and mind your manners.

Were you doing something perfectly harmless, or something you meant to be harmless, and someone told you to stop– because it triggered their migraines, or because of their child’s allergies, or because it was cultural appropriation, or because it insulted them? Be sweet. Mind your manners. You don’t know who is really allergic and who’s merely a hipster. You don’t know what the other person has been through, because of being from another culture. Is your right to enjoy yourself exactly as you wish more important than their right to get through the day without an allergy attack? Is your desire to have a little harmless or seemingly harmless fun worth more than their desire that their identity be respected? Then never mind whether you hate being politically correct; never mind if they need to stop being so sensitive; never mind about the nanny state. Never mind whether it feels to you like making a mountain out of a molehill. These are issues that should be discussed and pondered over, and it’s fine to have your own opinions. But in the moment, when interacting with actual humans, be sweet.

Are you certain that a person acting annoyingly is not in distress, but is merely acting out for attention? Be sweet. Attention is a basic human need. Babies who have their physical needs met but are denied attention get failure to thrive and die. People kept in solitary confinement or stranded on desert islands lose their minds. Attention is vital for the human person, and maybe this person doesn’t have enough. Be sweet. Mind your manners. Compliment selfie-takers. Talk to homeless people. Listen to old people’s stories. Be as courteous as you can with nosy advice-givers. Commiserate with grumpy children in checkout lines.

Is someone struggling with a temptation you can’t understand– a sexual desire you’ve never had, perhaps? An anger management problem? An addiction? Are they responding to it in a way that shocks you, or that is against our faith? Be very, very sweet. You have no idea what they’re suffering or what brought them to this point. You have no idea if, with all of the grace you’ve been given, your own sins aren’t more odious to the only Just Judge than theirs. Mind your manners. Are they hurting you or someone helpless? Stop them with the minimum necessary force, and then be as kind as you can. Do you have words that you honestly, really believe might stop them? Say the words, say them humbly, and don’t be angry when they’re taken the wrong way; and then, be sweet. Is there nothing you can say that they haven’t already heard? Then find something else to talk about. Be a friend, and be an example of the fact that not all Christians are moralizing jerks. It’s far easier to stop sinning when you view yourself as a human being, than when you feel yourself as sinful trash. Treat them like human beings– not only to help them, but because it’s what they’re owed in justice. Be sweet.

Rose and I are home from our trip now, eating marshmallows and watching The Cat in the Hat. We’ve grumped at each other several times, as usual. I still haven’t had that nap. Communication is easier, though, when I remind myself to be sweet. The world in general is a cold and bitter place. There will be plenty of strife and misunderstanding, plenty of cruelty for everyone. We can’t change that, but we can make it a little easier for each other. Be sweet.

Previous Post

April 11, 2016

Is God Good? All the Time?

Next Post

April 13, 2016 I Am Very, Very Ashamed: The Problem With Bad Christian Art

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category abortion Abuse Advent America American Christianity angel angels Annunciation Appalachia apparition apparition chaser apparition chasers apparition culture art art review babies baby baby Jesus Bad Lip Reading bad statue contest bath beauty Bible story blog blogkeeping blood book review Brandon Sanderson breastfeeding bus Catholic catholic conspiracy alarmism Catholic Oppositional Disorder Charismatic Renewal Charlie the Cat chastity Christ Christian idenitity Christianity and Judaism Chronic Illness clean clothing COD piece comedy compassion conscience conspiracy theory conversion cop-on-black violence Crucifixion cry of the poor culture Daesh Daily Saints death death penalty devotional diaconate diaper diapers dirty disability Donald Trump Dorothy Day dream drugs Eastern Catholicism Eastern Christianity education election election update Elsewhere on Patheos empathy environment Fear feminism film review fish flashback fluffy buns food Franciscan University of Steubenville Friendship Room fun Gabriel gardening gospel hair-splitting Heaven hell heresy Hillary Clinton history Holly the Witch Holy Spirit holy war Homeschooling homosexuality horror human dignity humor Icon idol immigrants infection inter-religious dialogue Interpretation of Scripture Islam Jesus Jihad Joseph joy laity and lay vocations lamb dinner laundry lent lgbtq literature love manners Mary Medicine and Science Meditation mercy mess milk misogyny Missouri monasticism monster motherhood mourn with those mourn movies movis music mystery nature neurodiversity New Pro-Life Movement news nonsense nostalgia O antiphons obituary objectification Ohio Valley Ordinary Time ordination Ordo Amoris parable paradox Passover peanut butter personal beliefs pets philosophy Planet Charismatic poetry politics polls poop Pope Francis Pope Leo power in the Church prayer prayer request prayers preferential option for non-violence president presidential election priest primary private revelation pro-life prophecy Public face of Catholicism Pure Flix Q and A race racism random rape rape. sexuality reader's request Reckoners refugee religious trauma ressurrection Right to life Saints saints and celebrations same-sex same-sex marriage satire scandal secular feasts seder Seven Joys Seven Last Words sex sexual ethics sexuality silencing six months skid row slavery social justice Speculative fiction spiritual abuse spoon stain story suffering suffrage suffragette Sunday Gospel temple Tenebrae Responsories Terror the exorcist The Friendship Room The New Pro-Life Movement Things I Learned on the Internet tin cup traffic true story tv review Uncategorized USCCB vice and temptation violence Virtue virtue and vice war Way of the Cross whimsy whole life women's ordination work of mercy Year A

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Psalmist Elijah Isaiah Solomon