The Sorrowful Mother Helping Mothers

Last updated on: September 15, 2011 at 9:18 am by Fr. Dwight Longenecker

The Sorrowful Mother Helping Mothers 2011-09-15T09:18:00-05:00 Fr. Dwight Longenecker

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

So often in counseling or the confessional I come across grieving mothers. Mothers who are so terrible concerned for their children who are straying–mothers upset about their childrens’ loss of faith. Mothers worried about their children’s choice of spouse, their grandchildren’s religious education, their children’s career choice. You name it.

The typical male response is, “Get over it.” But I realize that the mother has a bond with the child that the father doesn’t really understand. Mama finds it difficult–very difficult to let go.

There’s a little line at the heart of Arthur Miller’s play, The Death of a Salesman where Willy Loman’s wife, Linda sits on the stage alone. Her sons have both turned out to be losers. One she hasn’t heard of for years. The other one is a layabout and a phony. Then her husband commits suicide. In her grief she says, “Life is a casting off.”

So it is. Life is about letting go, not grabbing. We must, in the end, let go of all things and go out of this world naked and alone–just as we came into it. Life is a preparation for this final letting go, and therefore we should start practicing how. Throw the lumber overboard! Life is a casting off.

This is where the devotion of the Seven Sorrows of Mary can help women. In the seven sorrows the Blessed Mother struggles to cast off. Of all women she has an even closer bond to her child than others. Because she has the perfect bond with her son, the tearing away of motherhood is even more poignant and painful. Identifying with her sorrows through this devotion can help women make sense of their own suffering with their families.

How does this work? Like this: First sorrow–the prophecy of Simeon that a sword would pierce her own heart also. Women who are suffering begin to realize that this special mother’s suffering is a way to draw closer to Christ and through their suffering a sword will pierce their own heart, and that this is part of the mystery of being one with Christ.

Second sorrow is the flight into Egypt. We realize that life is a pilgrimage. It is a casting off. It means not putting our tent pegs in too deep. There’s a part of the Christian life which is nomadic. In other words, build a wonderful home and family, but don’t invest too much in it emotionally because even this good thing is not permanent. If you make your home and children and family your god, then you will be disappointed. Even our loved ones must be cast off to follow Christ. Our home and family and earthly loves are temporary. They are provisional. The flight into Egypt reminds us that we are all spiritually speaking–refugees.

Third sorrow is losing the Christ child in the temple. At the age of puberty the child is starting to leave you. Don’t cling to him or her. Parenting for teenagers is a different task than parenting children. Once they start to become adults the parents’ job is to enable and empower their transition to independence. When your teens seek independence and privilege grant them responsibility with it. Help them transition into the independence they need. It hurts because many mothers want to keep their kids in that earlier child like stage. It doesn’t work. You’ve got to let them go, and help them fly the nest.

Fourth sorrow is meeting Christ on the way of the Cross. When kids suffer mothers suffer. When kids go wrong. Mothers suffer. Mary walks in the way of the cross with her son. Often when kids get into trouble the best thing for Mama to do is to simply be there–to go through the problem with them and suffer with them. When Mothers step in to make things better and solve all the problems very often they make them worse. Instead, we sometimes have to simply go with the problems and accept the suffering and bear the burden with the child and let them work it out–even when we see them messing up more.

Fifth sorrow is the death of her son. There are all sorts of ‘death’ besides physical death, and all Mary can do is watch and grieve and give it to God. So with irrevocable bad choices which our children make which we feel are a kind of death–maybe they marry the wrong person or they commit some terrible crime or leave the faith altogether–all we can do is observe. We can do nothing about. They have free will. They must choose. All we can do is offer it up and give it to God and hope somehow, some way in his wonderful and loving providence he will turn it around to the good and bring salvation and redemption out of the tragedy.

Sixth sorrow is the Blessed Mother taking down the body of her son from the cross. This is the pieta. Once again, all Mary can do is accept and grieve and give it to God. Here in the depth of sorrow she is one with her son. This is why the pieta–with the sorrowful mother cradling her dead son is so poignant and powerful. A sword has pierced her own heart also. Simeon’s prophecy is fulfilled and she suffers a kind of death in his death. Likewise, when our children ‘die’ either literally or spiritually and socially, we die with them and can only accept it and make sense of it inasmuch as it takes us more intimately into the death of Christ our Redeemer.

Finally, Mary helps to lay her son to rest. This is the final ‘casting off’. She has handed him back to God who gave him to her in the first place. So with our children. They belong to God. He gave them to us to be stewards of his children of light. They were given to us as our most precious gifts and at the heart of our devotion to him we will have to hand them back. But in this exchange God returns them to us in a greater and more cosmic union–the union and re-union we all have within the mystical body of his Son.

The practical way to connect with the seven sorrows of Mary is through the devotion of the Seven Sorrows (aka the Seven Dolors) You can learn how to practice this devotion here. It consists in saying a chaplet like a rosary with particular prayers. Using the rosary in this way to connect with the events of our ordinary lives and bring Christ’s healing into our lives is also the subject of my book Praying the Rosary for Inner Healing.

What intrigues me is that the Catholic Church has a powerful healing ministry. Through the traditional devotions the Holy Spirit can work to touch the deepest areas of our lives and transform us into the whole and complete saints God wants us to be.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

September 15, 2011

Mother of Sorrows

Next Post

September 21, 2011 Lesbian Couple in Hell

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Anglican Matters Apologetics Architecture Blobble Study Book Reviews Brideshead Caitlin O'Rourke Catholic Art Catholic Culture Church Politics Chust for Nice Contemporary Culture Duane Mandible Ed Blanch Film Reviews Fr Harvey Nicolaitan Frank Viola Mantilla the Hon More Christianity Mrs Brady Catholic Old Lady Mystery of the Magi Norman Anderson Queen Hillary Saints and Supernatural Spirituality The Inklings The Vicar Theology Todd Unctuous Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz