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Is “Shame on You” the Graffiti Chiseled in the Backyard of Your Soul?

Is “Shame on You” the Graffiti Chiseled in the Backyard of Your Soul?

Last updated on: February 10, 2016 at 12:43 pm by Kathleen Gibbons Schuck

Is “Shame on You” the Graffiti Chiseled in the Backyard of Your Soul? 2016-02-10T12:43:33-05:00 Kathleen Gibbons Schuck

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Why not give up shame this Lent? Today is Ash Wednesday. Perhaps like me “Shame on You” is the graffiti chiseled in the backyard of your soul.

Do you prefer the anonymity of wearing a paper bag on your head? Consider taking it off for the next forty days.

This is my story of shame resilience…how a good catholic girl became a good catholic priest!

A Daughter’s Question: Why?

It begins four years ago in January of 2012.

My daughter completes her first week of high school Theology. That evening, she asks, “Mom, why is it Monsignor treats Dad differently than he treats you? You’re much more involved in our parish.” In this case, “differently” means engaging in conversation and treating with respect.

I respond, “Perhaps it is because Monsignor is older and more comfortable dealing with men than with women,” to which Ann responds, “Grandpa is older than Monsignor and he treats you the same as he treats Uncle Brendan and Uncle Jim.”

When truth is spoken, it resonates deeply. I look; and in that moment I realize, at fifteen, Ann can tell the man who leads our faith community treats her parents “differently.” She questions this apparent inconsistency.

In that moment, I clearly see I am complicit in a system I no longer believe in. I see my doubts reflected in her question, and I realize it is time to face what I have long suppressed: a perennial pattern of accepting inappropriate behavior from clergy.

Which Way Do I Turn?

I wonder, “Where would I find an alternative?” An Internet search reveals the intentional catholic community of St. Mary Magdalene in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania.

The co-pastors are ordained Roman Catholic Womenpriests. Even though it is a forty-minute drive, I decide I owe it to myself to investigate. I notice the sign out front. I walk in the door and up the steps.

What I see are smiling folks chatting with each other, a circle of chairs, colorful banners, and scaffolding. Looks like they are doing some work on the windows I conclude.

I step into the room when a woman about my age walks over and introduces herself as Eileen. She invites me to make a name tag. Within three minutes, I meet multiple men and women, learn Eileen is one of the pastors, and discover how curious I am about what happens in this space.

I hear, “We use inclusive language…in the name of the Creator, Redeemer, and Holy Spirit…our homilies are interactive…we say the words of consecration together…blessed the One who comes…all are welcome at the table.”

The experience feels closer to a 12-step meeting than a catholic liturgy. We sit in a circle sharing from our hearts. Love is tangible. I feel like I belong here.

A community member, Fritz, facilitates a community meeting. This community makes decisions after listening to the voices of the people. Every voice is heard. Everyone gets a vote. Feels natural. The irony does not escape me: Until a week ago, I did not even know this community existed.

Who Signed the Permission Slip?

The following week Mary, who is on the hospitality team, invites me to serve as an Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist. As I pour water and say, “By the mingling of this water and wine, may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity,” I feel a jolt as something releases deep in the center of my body. I am safe here.

“The Body of Christ.” Those are the only words I uttered as an “Extra” ordinary Minister for the prior thirty-five years in parishes in New Jersey, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania. The ordained are the Ordinary Ministers. Parishioners invited and trained are eligible to serve as “Extraordinary” Ministers. Yet, in this community everyone is recognized as “Extra” ordinary and encouraged to share their gifts.

As I drive home, the questions begin, “Who signed the permission slip that allowed you to say those words out loud?” “Who do you think you are?”

“Shame on you” is the graffiti chiseled in the backyard of my soul. Sometimes it dominates when my critical inside voice alternately yells at me, “You are not good enough” and “Who do you think you are?” I had been paying attention to what triggers my shame and wrestling the shame gremlins whenever they surfaced. Some serious wrestling ensued.

In her TED talk, “Listening to Shame,” Brené Brown observes “Shame needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. The antidote to shame is empathy. Shame cannot survive being spoken and being met with empathy.”¹ https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

Here’s the amazing thing: The people in the community of Saint Mary Magdalene reflect and call me to show up as my deepest, most authentic self. This community is where I belong, so I join. I am at home. The community recognizes my gifts and invites me to share them. That energizes me. It is incredibly freeing!

Animating community is my role. Realizing this inspires me to begin a local community and study Theology. I wrestle with the idea of pursuing ordination. Eventually, I come to discover my deepest desire mirrors God’s desire for me.

Even though I never thought of myself as a prophet, I give myself permission to listen to God in me and to apply to be ordained a Roman Catholic Womenpriest. www.romancatholicwomenpriests.org The wholehearted journey heals my body, my mind, and my soul.

The community of Saint Mary Magdalene, www.smmcommunity.org, where everyone is welcome, has expanded to four sites in the Delaware Valley (Drexel Hill and North Wales in Pennsylvania, Palmyra in New Jersey, and Wilmington in Delaware). You’ll find Vatican II liturgy and deeply spiritual people, including some who are single, divorced, married, and/or GLBT.

Image courtesy of Eileen Fadden Butler

Mother May I?

When I share my plans with my mother, she responds, “Women priests: not in your lifetime!” and pleads, “Kathleen, can’t you find a way to live within the system?”

After I am ordained a deacon in 2014, my mother observes, “Perhaps it’s time for our church to come into the century we live in.”

To that, I say, “Amen. Alleluia!” Even during Lent.

And you?

Share this post to your social networks if you like it.

I would love to know what shame gremlins you wrestle with.

http://withyouinjoy.com

Note:

1. Brown, Brené. “Listening to Shame.” TED. March 2012. Lecture.

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