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What To Expect When Meeting with A Spiritual Director

What To Expect When Meeting with A Spiritual Director

Last updated on: August 2, 2018 at 7:31 am by Teresa Blythe

What To Expect When Meeting with A Spiritual Director 2018-08-02T07:31:21-08:00 Teresa Blythe

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Your spiritual director does not force you down a path, but guides you along your own. Spiritual direction may be exactly what you need, but if you are not sure what it even looks like, you may have hesitated to call or contact a spiritual director. So, here’s a snapshot:

You and a spiritual director sitting in a quiet, private space perhaps with a lit candle on a table nearby, discussing whatever life experience you want to share. Because it is a form of spiritual guidance, the director will invite you to explore how your life experience connects you to God (which you may call Source of Life, Higher Power, Spirit or any other name that feels right to you).

It could also look like a Skype or Zoom session between the two of you, especially if distance is an issue. Or it could be a phone call.

No matter the form, it is designed to be confidential, non-judgmental and focused on you and your connection with the Divine.

On your first visit, the two of you will likely spend some time getting to know one another. After the initial “meet and greet,” the spiritual director will begin the session in his or her own way. I like to invite a time of silence, asking the directee to “take as much or as little silence as you need and begin when you are ready.”

When ready, you — the directee — will start talking about the reason you are seeking spiritual direction. It can be as simple as wanting to have someone you can check in with each month as you live out your spiritual practice, or it could be a life situation you want to explore. If you don’t know where to start, it’s not a problem. The director may ask you what prompted your desire for spiritual direction or what your spiritual path has been like. Once you share your concern, story or expectations, the director will begin to sense what is at the “heart of the matter” for you.

The “heart of the matter” is what you will spend time discussing and perhaps taking some silence or prayer around (at all times the directee should feel free to determine where the discussion goes).

While it is impossible to diagram a typical session, there is a flow that is common in spiritual direction.

Initial story unfolds. “I’m here to explore _______________.”

Director listens for places in the story that have deep emotion or significance for you. She may ask you to say more about those places or may ask an open-ended question.
Director will be silently praying for you as you talk and may invite pauses of silence along the way.
Director listens for your language for the holy and notices your image of God, and may ask you about those for clarification and to get a feel for your deep beliefs and values.
Director notices where she feels God’s presence most acutely in your story. She may ask you to reflect more on that piece of the story.
Director assists you in clarifying how you feel the Spirit is leading you to take the next step on your spiritual path.

This flow occurs over many sessions with your spiritual director, which is why it is a good idea to commit to spiritual direction for a few months once you find a director who is a good fit for you. Spiritual directors are trained to be patient and not attached to any particular outcome for you. We want you to set the pace, and make your own choices, and get what you need out of the sessions.

It is for that reason that a great many spiritual directors dislike the term “direction.” As spiritual directors, we don’t push people around. The mystery we call God is the true director and we recognize that you and God have more to say about your spiritual path than we do.

Spiritual directors are always at the service of God and you (in that order).

Want to learn more about spiritual direction? I have a new book Spiritual Direction 101: The Basics of Spiritual Guidance by Apocryphile Press that addresses many aspects of this practice. It’s available on Amazon.

Also, I enjoy sharing emails with people who have questions about spiritual direction. I may be reached at [email protected] or via my website www.teresablythe.net. I do have openings for spiritual direction clients if you are interested.

spiritual direction

spiritual discernment

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