Spiritual Direction for the Exvangelical

Last updated on: January 24, 2018 at 5:57 am by Teresa Blythe

Spiritual Direction for the Exvangelical 2018-01-24T05:57:00-08:00 Teresa Blythe

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

What happens when a person finds the evangelical Christianity they once were part of doesn’t fit for them anymore? They may seek out a nonjudgmental person to help them process the deconstruction of their religious or spiritual belief system.

If the person—the new term is exvangelical—wants to stay within Christianity or still considers themselves spiritual, they may contact a spiritual director to work with. Finding the right spiritual director for the person in the midst of deconstruction is imperative.

There are many phases to a person’s deconstruction of their prior faith. Some people are in a questioning phase but are still deeply connected to the church they are questioning. Others have left and are in a kind of limbo–not an evangelical but not anything else either. And quite a few have already done a lot of deconstructing, maybe even years ago, but still have nagging memories that need emotional, psychological and spiritual healing.

Regardless of the phase, exvangelicals need someone who can handle their railing against conservative theology. Someone who will allow them to wrestle with the language, culture and beliefs they are leaving behind. They may want a spiritual director who is an exvangelical or they may prefer someone who has no history or connection with conservative Christianity.

What they need most of all is a spiritual director with a heart full of compassion for what they are experiencing.

Finding the right spiritual director for an exvangelical

If you are an exvangelical looking for a spiritual director, be sure to locate about three spiritual directors you might be interested in working with and interview them on the phone prior to setting up an appointment. Ask:

What is your spiritual or religious background?
How much contact have you had personally with conservative Christianity? (What you want to find out is whether they are willing and able to sit with you and help you deconstruct without being preachy, judgmental or dismissive.)
What is your style of spiritual direction? (If you need someone who mostly listens and reflects back to you, then you are looking for a non-directive approach. If you want a little bit of teaching or a few suggestions for your deconstruction, then ask if they are comfortable doing that.)

Choose the spiritual director you feel will be most supportive and helpful for your personality type and your current situation.

What spiritual directors need to know about exvangelicals

If you are a spiritual director interested in accepting clients who are exvangelicals, you need a special sensitivity to do your best work. Here are a few suggestions:

Be attentive to language. It’s best to use as little religious language as possible. Listen to the language the directee is using to talk about the Divine and use that. Ask them about phrases or language that they would prefer you avoid.
Read everything you can find on leaving fundamentalism or evangelicalism. Listen to Blake Chastain’s Exvangelical podcast or sign up for his newsletter. Go to #Exvangelical on twitter and read some of the entries.
Under no circumstance should you attempt to steer an exvangelical into a particular spiritual tradition, community or belief.
Let your presence be a sacred container for the former evangelical’s anger or sadness. Listen deeply and accept wherever they are on this path. If you are an exvangelical and you find yourself becoming anxious or depressed while working with these clients, call on your support people: therapist, supervisor or your training program’s teachers. We want to help hold this person’s emotion but not carry it around with us.

Some exvangelicals will decide to go it alone. But for those who need assistance, it is my hope they find spiritual guides who will greet them with an open mind, patience, compassion and wisdom.

Want to try spiritual direction? I have openings in my schedule for new directees—regardless of where you live. I can work by phone, Skype or if you live in the Phoenix metro area we can meet in person. Contact me at [email protected] or visit www.teresablythe.net.

It’s easy to subscribe to this blog and get updates in your email inbox. Check out the right side of the webpage and fill out the form under GET PATHEOS NEWSLETTERS. New posts come to your inbox when published.

Thank you for following this blog!

Photo on Foter.com

Previous Post

January 16, 2018

Unwanted Sexual Attention at #ChurchToo

Next Post

March 21, 2018 Spiritual Direction as a Wellness Practice

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent angels Anne Lamott Christmas church leadership clergy contemplation contemplative Christianity Desert Fathers and Mothers discernment election evangelicalism faith freedom guru healing interfaith dialogue Lent love Martin Luther King Jr media mind body spirit mystic Nativity nature new year's resolutions parables peace pluralism prayer prayer practices religious diversity resurrection Rules for Prayer Rumi saints sexual abuse spirit spiritual direction spiritual discernment spiritual mentor spiritual path spirituality stewardship Super Bowl terrorism theology transgender Uncategorized violence visioning vocation

Select a Month February 2026 December 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 June 2024 May 2024 March 2024 February 2024 December 2023 July 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 September 2022 August 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 October 2021 September 2021 July 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz