Sexual Misconduct in Spiritual Direction

Last updated on: November 30, 2017 at 11:05 am by Teresa Blythe

Sexual Misconduct in Spiritual Direction 2017-11-30T11:05:03-08:00 Teresa Blythe

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Sexual misconduct isn’t limited to the entertainment or news businesses. All of that messy, improper behavior can happen in a spiritual guidance relationship. And when it does, it causes great harm to the person seeking guidance. It can leave them with a seriously damaged view of God, religion and spirituality.

#ChurchToo

As the #MeToo campaign gathered steam this month, a lot of voices came forward in a similar #ChurchToo campaign, sharing stories of how they had been abused by people they saw as their spiritual leaders, mentors or guides. Of course, those of us paying attention over the last several decades knew church could be a dangerous place for sexual abuse, especially of children. What we perhaps didn’t pay as much attention to—but should have—is the sexual harassment, innuendo and just plain unwanted sexual attention that people sometimes experience in a faith community.

Spiritual Direction, Too

Sadly, I have heard stories of women who were seduced and exploited by their spiritual directors. And the confidential nature of the relationship can hold some victims back from reporting the abuse. (Even though there is no expectation of confidentiality on the part of the directee. It is only the director or guide who is required to keep material shared by the directee confidential.)

The atmosphere for spiritual direction should be as safe and inviting as possible. There should never be any sexual or romantic aspect to the spiritual direction relationship.

No flirting
No sexually suggestive overtures
No intimate touch (be especially careful about hugs, and never any kissing)
No initiation by the director of conversation about sexuality (the directee may talk about whatever they choose, including issues of sexuality)
No wielding of the director’s power in any way over the directee.

What to do About It

Here’s the tricky part. Unless your spiritual director or guide is ordained or working for a religious congregation, denomination or retreat center, it is difficult to know who to initially alert about this improper behavior. There is no professional organization or overseeing body just for spiritual guides.

If you feel your spiritual director or religious leader has behaved improperly toward you:

Confront them, address it and end the relationship.
Let them know you will not be silent about the treatment.
If they are ordained or work for an organization that has oversight, report the behavior to their overseers immediately.
Check into any legal recourse you may have.

The relationship between a spiritual director and directee must be safe for any kind of spiritual work to be done. It is heartbreaking to hear the stories of people abused by religious and spiritual leaders. Perhaps the #MeToo and #ChurchToo awareness campaigns will encourage victims to speak out against predators who use religion as a cover for sexual abuse.

Want to try spiritual direction? I have openings in my schedule for new directees—regardless of where you live. I can work by phone, Skype or if you live in the Phoenix metro area we can meet in person. Contact me at [email protected] or visit www.teresablythe.net. Also visit my website for the Phoenix Center for Spiritual Direction.

Photo by incurable_hippie on Foter.com / CC BY-NC

Previous Post

November 6, 2017

Giving "Thoughts and Prayers" a Break

Next Post

December 11, 2017 What Spiritual Direction Means to Me -- Janet Ackerman, OP

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent angels Anne Lamott Christmas church leadership clergy contemplation contemplative Christianity Desert Fathers and Mothers discernment election evangelicalism faith freedom guru healing interfaith dialogue Lent love Martin Luther King Jr media mind body spirit mystic Nativity nature new year's resolutions parables peace pluralism prayer prayer practices religious diversity resurrection Rules for Prayer Rumi saints sexual abuse spirit spiritual direction spiritual discernment spiritual mentor spiritual path spirituality stewardship Super Bowl terrorism theology transgender Uncategorized violence visioning vocation

Select a Month February 2026 December 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 June 2024 May 2024 March 2024 February 2024 December 2023 July 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 September 2022 August 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 October 2021 September 2021 July 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz