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We Are the Horsemen

We Are the Horsemen

Last updated on: November 3, 2025 at 3:52 pm by Stuart Delony

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We Are the Horsemen 2025-11-03T15:52:29-05:00 Stuart Delony

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

A digital painting of four ghostly, silhouetted horsemen riding over a modern city skyline at dusk. Each figure represents one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—holding a syringe, rifle, stack of money, and scythe. Below them, the city glows with signs, smokestacks, a church, and a fast-food billboard under a blood-red sky.

Image created by DALL·E

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse aren’t waiting in the wings. They’re already here, riding shotgun with humanity—and, frankly, we’re the ones holding the reins. Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death aren’t divine punishments; they’re manmade symptoms of our arrogance, greed, and apocalyptic fetishism. We love to blame God for the mess we created, and nowhere is that more evident than in the frothing corners of American Christianity.

You’ve seen the type. The prophecy junkies. The rapture groupies. The Revelation addicts decoding every earthquake and blood moon like it’s some celestial Wordle. They’re not worried about the end—they’re hoping for it. Prepping for it. Voting for it. Their theology doesn’t resist hell on earth; it accelerates it.

And the irony? While they clutch their Bibles and wait for signs and wonders, they’re the ones turning the screws. The Four Horsemen aren’t supernatural beings. They’re just us—optimized.

Pestilence: God Didn’t Send the Virus—You Did

You want plagues? We’ve got plagues. Not just COVID or Ebola or whatever fresh outbreak is bubbling up from neglected corners of the world—but preventable diseases making a comeback because “freedom” now means you can infect your neighbors in the name of Jesus.

Anti-vaxx conspiracies, science denial, and public health sabotage are the new holy sacraments. And let’s not forget the history: colonizers weaponized smallpox, missionaries brought diseases under the banner of salvation, and Christian nationalists cheered when pandemic restrictions were lifted in the name of ‘religious liberty.’

Pestilence isn’t divine wrath—it’s human negligence, sanctified by political theology and broadcast on Christian radio.

War: Holy Bloodlust and the Culture Crusade

War is as old as Cain, but modern Christianity has baptized it. Whether it’s cheerleading military budgets, quoting Old Testament conquest as policy, or treating the Middle East like a biblical set piece for Armageddon cosplay, many believers have confused the gospel with a gun.

The church once preached peace. Now it funds candidates who promise holy war, whether in Gaza, against drag queens, or through legislation targeting immigrants and the poor. Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” and Christians replied, “only after we open carry.”

We don’t fight war to defend faith—we wage war to avoid transformation. And we do it in Christ’s name.

Famine: When Mammon Feeds and Children Starve

Here’s a dirty secret: the world produces enough food to feed everyone. Famine isn’t about scarcity—it’s about hoarding, exploitation, and climate chaos. We engineered this.

Global hunger rises while corporations rake in billions. Crops rot while politicians gut food programs. The earth burns, the rain stops, and mega-churches pray for rain instead of voting for climate action.

Famine is what happens when we worship profit and call it providence. When we spiritualize poverty and blame the poor for being crushed by our systems. When we call hunger a “test of faith” instead of a failure of empathy.

Death: The Gospel According to ExxonMobil

Death has become our default setting. It’s in our air, our water, our schools. It rides on every denied insurance claim, every overdose, every eviction notice.

American Christians claim to be pro-life while endorsing policies that kill. Gun violence? Shrug. Health care? Too socialist. Mass incarceration? God’s justice. Environmental collapse? Just a warm-up for the rapture.

We don’t fear death. We’ve monetized it. We’ve commodified it. And in many pulpits, we’ve spiritualized it so thoroughly that it no longer horrifies us—it just feels like the next step in the plan.

The Real Revelation

The Book of Revelation isn’t a road map. It’s a warning. It’s not a checklist of events to be eagerly fulfilled—it’s a mirror held up to empire and idolatry.

But instead of repenting, we reenact it.

End-times theology has become an excuse to disengage from the world we’re actively destroying. Christians are waiting to be airlifted out while the house burns—unaware they’re the ones holding the match.

So yes, the Horsemen are real.

They wear our brands.

They speak our language.

They vote our values.

And if the sky really does split open one day, I doubt it’ll be God we face first.

It’ll be our reflection.

And for those looking for a field guide to the absurdity, keep your eyes peeled for my upcoming book, The Tribulation Survival Guide, with Quoir Publishing. Because if we’re going down, we might as well pack snacks and sarcasm.

For more Snarky Faith, check out the podcast and more:

Snarky Faith website
Snarky Faith on Instagram: @stuartdelony
Snarky Faith on YouTube: @snarkyfaith
Snarky Faith on Bluesky: @snarkyfaith.bsky.social
Snarky Faith Group on Facebook: www.facebook.com/snarkyfaith
Snarky Faith t-shirts and mugs available here.

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About Stuart Delony

I’m Stuart Delony, a former pastor who walked out of the church but couldn’t shake the ways of Jesus. These days, I host Snarky Faith—a podcast and platform that wrestles with faith, culture, and meaning from the fringe. I’m not here to fix Christianity. I’m here to name what’s broken, find what’s still worth keeping, and hold space for the questions that don’t have clean answers. If you’ve been burned, disillusioned, or just done with the noise—welcome. You’re in good company. You can read more about the author here.

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