Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Politics and Religion
How to Survive Thanksgiving with Your Sanity and Soul Intact

How to Survive Thanksgiving with Your Sanity and Soul Intact

Last updated on: November 26, 2024 at 3:45 am by Stuart Delony

0 Comments

How to Survive Thanksgiving with Your Sanity and Soul Intact 2024-11-25T20:42:50-05:00 Stuart Delony

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Image created via Dall-E

I know many of you are still marinating in that dirty, post-election depression, stuck playing the twisted mind game of ‘Which of my neighbors are outright hateful bigots and which are just casually fine with hateful bigots?’ Are you still dodging the news, hoping to avoid the relentless march of America’s kakistocracy—now fueled by Christian Nationalism, weaponized ignorance, and a disturbing amount of graven bootlicking? I feel you. These days, solace feels like a luxury, though sometimes I find mine in daydreams about what it must’ve been like for the citizens of Rome right before the fall.

These are tough times, my friends. But I’m here to warn you: it’s about to get worse. Much, much worse. Thanksgiving is this week. Brace yourself.

Don’t worry—I’m not here to salt-brine your wounds, baste you in existential dread, or mash your hopes into oblivion.

We all know that one red-hatted relative—or maybe your whole family is a MAGA parade. For some, the choice is clear this year: skip the holiday, set those boundaries, and keep your sanity intact. To you, I say: good for you. Truly. It’s a bold and healthy move.

But for others, dodging Thanksgiving isn’t on the menu. Whether it’s guilt, obligation, or the promise of a good pecan pie, you’re stuck. For you, I’ve prepared something special: five foolproof tips for surviving Thanksgiving when you’re surrounded by the worst people you know—your family.

The Art of the Early Exit

Thanksgiving can feel less like a meal and more like an endurance test. There’s only so much small talk, turkey, and unsolicited opinions about the “liberal agenda” one can take before your sanity starts slipping away like cranberry sauce off a paper plate.

The move? Get through the main course, fake some polite laughter during your cousin’s weird anecdote about “cancel culture,” and start gathering your things. Quietly excuse yourself like Jesus slipping away from the crowds—say you have an early morning, a dog to feed, or just walk out. The beauty of the Irish Goodbye? No one can ask why you’re leaving if they don’t see you leave.

If someone does notice, just toss out something cryptic like, “I thought we were supposed to go forth like sheep among wolves,” and keep walking.

Turn the Turkey into a Distraction

Nothing redirects a heated political discussion like a well-timed kitchen emergency. When the MAGA brigade starts ranting about the evils of socialism (while ignoring their Medicare and Social Security benefits), suddenly remember that the turkey needs basting, the rolls are burning, or—if all else fails—exclaim, “Oh my, the gravy’s turned to tears and regret!”

Spending an extra 20 minutes in the kitchen isn’t avoidance; it’s strategy. Jesus didn’t just provide food—he multiplied it. Surely, you can channel some of that energy into fluffing up the mashed potatoes for a second round.

Pretend You’re on a Mission

Sometimes, escaping requires a bit of theater. Keep your phone handy with a prepped text or alarm. At the right moment, gasp dramatically and say, “Oh no, I completely forgot—I signed up to deliver meals at the shelter this afternoon!”

No need to over-explain. Express your deep regret, grab a slice of pie for the road, and head for the door. Sure, it’s a white lie, but it’s one Jesus would probably forgive. After all, he’d appreciate the effort. Bonus points if your fake mission guilt-trips them into donating canned goods next year.

The Bathroom Is Your Sanctuary

There’s always that moment when the conversation shifts from mildly annoying to outright insufferable. That’s your cue to quietly excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Take your time. Scroll your phone. Say a little prayer—or don’t. If Jesus needed time alone in the wilderness, surely you’re entitled to a 10-minute breather in Aunt Karen’s guest bathroom. If anyone questions your extended absence, just mutter something about the stuffing and watch them awkwardly retreat.

The Wine-and-Dine Defense

When the talk turns to vaccines, drag shows, or whatever Fox News cooked up yesterday, pour yourself a generous glass of wine. Sip every time someone says “woke,” refill every time they suggest Jesus would’ve voted Republican. By dessert, you’ll either be blissfully numb or ready to anoint yourself with the leftover Cabernet.

It’s not indulgence—it’s sacramental. Jesus turned water into wine for a reason. If he can handle a wedding in Cana, you can handle your uncle ranting about the price of eggs.

Leftovers To-Go

Thanksgiving might be a time for gratitude, but that doesn’t mean you have to be thankful for every opinion shared around the table. Whether you’re dodging debates, enduring MAGA rants, or pretending to care about Uncle Bob’s latest conspiracy theory, remember this: you’re not alone. Even Jesus had to deal with dinner guests who didn’t get the memo (looking at you, Judas).

So sip your wine, stash some pie for later, and know this—the real miracle of Thanksgiving isn’t surviving the meal. It’s doing it without flipping any tables. After all, someone still has to do the dishes.

For more Snarky Faith, check out the podcast:

Relationships and Religion

American Christianity

About Stuart Delony

I’m Stuart Delony, a former pastor who walked out of the church but couldn’t shake the ways of Jesus. These days, I host Snarky Faith—a podcast and platform that wrestles with faith, culture, and meaning from the fringe. I’m not here to fix Christianity. I’m here to name what’s broken, find what’s still worth keeping, and hold space for the questions that don’t have clean answers. If you’ve been burned, disillusioned, or just done with the noise—welcome. You’re in good company. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

November 5, 2024

What Happens When Orange Jesus Fades?

Next Post

December 3, 2024 Rethinking Masculine Strength Beyond Alpha Bro-vado

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"I've seen Noah believers use the claim "every culture tells stories of a flood, so ..."

EarthGrowl

Noah Was Never About the Animals

"So we shouldn't obey God?"

Harold Porter

Noah Was Never About the Animals

"Great article, Stuart. Important insights.For many years, as a theologically "educated" Evangelical (all well pre-MAGA, ..."

Howard Pepper

Noah Was Never About the Animals

"https://media1.giphy.com/me..."

Stuart Delony

Noah Was Never About the Animals

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse & Power abuse coverups Abuse in the Church Advent AI AI and Technology American Christianity American democracy American Evangelicalism American Governance Antisemitism Apocalypse Culture Apocalyptic Theology Authentic Love Author Insights Authoritarianism Bible Bible & Scripture Bible Criticism Biblical Authority Biblical Interpretation Biblical Satire Book of Revelation book reviews Books and Reviews Capitalism Catholicism Charismatic Christianity Christian Activism Christian apocalypse culture Christian Commentary Christian Conservatism Christian Critique Christian Culture Christian History Christian Literature Christian Living Christian Music Christian Mysticism Christian Myths Christian Nationalism Christian Satire Christian Traditions Christian Zionism Christianity Christmas Church & Culture Church Abuse Church Accountability Church and State church corruption Church Critique Church Culture Church History Church Leadership Church Power and Abuse Churches of God Civil Rights Comic Book Analysis Commentary community Complementarianism Conservative Politics Conspiracy Theories Consumerism conversations cosmic philosophy Creation and Spirituality Creationism Critical Essays critical thinking Critique Cults Cultural Commentary cultural identity culture Culture and Society Culture Critique culture war Christianity Culture Wars Current Event Data & Religion Deconstruction Dominionism Dunning-Krueger Effect Easter Economics Editorial Education and Religion Election Emotional Health in Religion Emotional Wellness Empire End Times End Times Theology Environment Environmental Collapse equality Eschatology ethics Evangelical Culture Evangelical Hypocrisy Evangelicalism Evangelicalism Critique Evangelism existential journey Exorcisms Faith Faith & Culture Faith & Deconstruction Faith & Doubt Faith & Identity Faith & Politics Faith and Culture faith and doubt Faith and Mental Health Faith and Power Faith and Spirituality Faith critique Faith Deconstruction Faith Exploration Faith Formation faith journey Faith vs. Science Faith-based Scams False Prophets family Family and Relationships Family Gatherings Feminism Feminism and Conservatism football Gaza gender Gender and Power Gender Equality Gender Roles Geopolitics gospel music Grace Grief and Loss Growth and Change Gun Violence Hamas Healing and Recovery Healthcare Justice historical analysis History History and Religion Holiday Survival Holidays hope Humor Identity Idolatry in Modern Christianity Independence Day Intellectual Reads Interfaith Dialogue interview Israel Jesus' Teachings Kamala Kamala Harris Lament Late-Stage Capitalism leadership LGBTQ+ Literary Analysis Love MAGA Masculinity Meaning & Ethics Media Analysis Media and Religion Memorial Day mental health Militarism mimetic theory Misinterpretations Misogyny Modern Christianity modern culture modern faith Monasticism Music Music and Culture Mysticism Nationalism Nature and the Divine NCAA NDA opinion Orthodoxy vs Orthopraxy Pacifism Patriarchy Peace Personal Development Personal Growth Personal Reflection philosophy Philosophy of Faith podcast Political Commentary Political Humor Political Theology politics Politics & Culture politics & current events Politics and Religion pop culture Post-Evangelical power and control Power and Religion Power Dynamics Privilege Progressive Christian Progressive Christianity Prophetic Satire Prophetic Witness Prosperity Gospel psychology Psychology and Society Purity Culture Quantum Physics radical love rapture theology Recognizing Cultish Behavior Reflection and Critique Refugee & Immigration Policy Relationships Religion Religion & Culture Religion & Politics Religion & Spirituality Religion and Ethics Religion and Politics Religion and Public Safety Religion and Science Religion and Society Religion History Religion News Religious Accountability Religious Criticism Religious Critique Religious Diversity Religious Hypocrisy Religious Propaganda religious satire Reproductive Rights Resilience Resurrection Revelation sarcasm satire Satirical Guides Scandal Science & Spirituality Science and Religion science fiction review scriptural interpretation scripture Scripture & Misreadings Seasonal Holidays Second Amendment Sermon on the Mount Sex Sexuality and Culture Skepticism Snarky Faith Social Analysis Social Commentary Social Issues Social Justice Social Media Critique Social Trends society Society & Culture Soul Southern Baptist Convention Spiritual Abuse spiritual exploration Spiritual Growth Spiritual Practices Spiritual Psychology spiritual truths Spirituality sports Storytelling and Theology suffering Superstition & Faith Technology & Religion Televangelists Television Thanksgiving theocracy Theology Theology Gone Wrong Toxic Theology Trump Trump and Religion U.S. Politics UFO Uncategorized War War and Religion weaponized scripture Weaponized Theology White Supremacy Women’s Autonomy Worship Worship Culture

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does Jude say certain individuals have secretly slipped in to do?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Change the grace of God into a license for immorality Persecute believers Deny the resurrection Steal from the church