Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Progressive Christian
Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

Last updated on: October 26, 2026 at 7:00 am by Fred Clark

0 Comments

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding 2026-10-25T17:34:28-04:00 Fred Clark

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Heaven Tourism is, like the Search for Noah’s Ark we recently discussed here, a time-tested, classic, boilerplate Christian con. Like the “Ex-Satanic Priest” racket, or the “I Was A Teenage Atheist” grift, it’s a low-effort, proven method for separating credulous Christians from their money via book and DVD sales or passing the plate on the speaking circuit.

The last really big iteration of the Heaven Tourism scam gave us Todd Burpo’s best-selling book Heaven Is For Real, which even got turned into a Hollywood movie despite being heavy-handed, obvious fraud. That was followed by the best-selling success of Kevin Malarkey’s malarkey, “The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven,” which got shot down when Alex Malarkey, the boy in question, got old enough to publicly denounce his absentee-father’s scam, penning an “Open Letter to Lifeway and Other Sellers, Buyers, and Marketers of Heaven Tourism, by the Boy Who Did Not Come Back From Heaven.”

That mini-scandal put a damper on Heaven Tourism book deals, but the old con is being revived on a new platform thanks to YouTuber Gabe Poirot.

Christian YouTuber Gabe Poirot’s new account of his near-death experience, in which he says he spent 18 days in heaven and met Jesus Christ, has gone viral.

Poirot long claimed he met Christ while in a coma five years ago, and a new interview with Fox News has garnered fresh attention for his description of Christ, which included calling Him a “mustang full of testosterone.”

The evangelical speaker had an accident in October 2021, when he flipped backward while riding an electric skateboard at around 30 miles per hour without a helmet, landing on his head and cracking his skull.

Poirot, 20 at the time, went into an 18-day coma when he says he had a near-death experience, left his body, met Jesus and went to heaven. He has since written a book about it and given his testimony on his own YouTube channel.

Yeah, the video of Poirot’s “mustang full of testosterone” interview on Fox News went viral, but this was because his description of Jesus came across as so weirdly thirsty. The Jesus he claims to have met in Heaven was a manly man’s man:

“He’s a lion angry for me. He’s a mustang on my behalf.”

Poirot said Christ looked like “pure fire” and was around “6 feet tall.”

“And I mean talk about testosterone, like a mustang, I’m telling you,” he said.

Phew. He talks about Jesus with the barely constrained desire you usually only hear when Donald Trump talks about Sen. John Husted’s meaty, athletic ass and thighs.

Granted, there is a long tradition of heavenly visions and visions of Christ that include an erotic subtext, but Poirot would have John Donne and Catherine of Siena fanning themselves and saying, “Whoa … tone it down a little.”

It’s interesting to look at Poirot’s talking points and emphases in his Fox News interview and contrast them with the interview he did on CBN. He describes his heavenly vision differently for those different audiences, telling each what he suspects they most want to hear.

This backfired for him in that Fox appearance because he hadn’t fully thought through the homoerotic subtext of MAGA-world’s preference for the kind of White Jesus who would be best bros with Pete Hegseth. MAGA Christians don’t have Saint Sebastian or any other such figures to direct this longing toward, so it all gets directed directly at White Jesus, a mustang with ripped abs, swole pecs, and zero “feminine” empathy. I mean talk about testosterone!

I’m not a trained art critic or psychoanalyst, and I’m at the wrong end of the Kinsey Scale for this assignment, but there’s a lot going on here to unpack in the White Jesus of the American imagination.

I’m reluctant to be too harsh toward Gabe Poirot, though, because — regardless of his dubious visions — he really did suffer a horrific injury that left him in a coma for 18 days and, from personal experience with a loved one in a coma I know, I know that’s serious. There’s a lot they don’t tell you about or prepare you for.

Like, for example, a week after my wife was finally back at home and getting a little stronger she started having terrifying, traumatizing nightmares that she was being attacked by invisible people who held her down and shoved things down her throat. We called the recovery hotline and they were just, like, “Oh, yes. That’s perfectly normal. Happens all the time to people who are intubated and put into medically induced comas. The nightmares will stop eventually. Don’t worry about it.”

And yes, it was true that the frequency of those nightmares gradually diminished, and that she was only scared to sleep for a few weeks. But years later they still happen sometimes. Rarely, but sometimes, she still wakes up screaming and disoriented.

And I’d bet Gabe Poirot sometimes does too. And I don’t know who, if anyone, he has around him to help him deal with that. If his “vision of Heaven” is some kind of coping mechanism to help him deal with the very real trauma he went through then I don’t begrudge him that.

But I also don’t think it entitles him to cash in while deceiving others and pretending that his 18 days in the ICU was 18 days in “Heaven” with his boyfriend, White Jesus.

In any case, there’s one thing we can be sure of here, one lesson that every one of us can take away from this: Always wear a helmet when skateboarding.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

October 25, 2026

Playlists and pluralism

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Random brainfart/unpopular opinionOn leftist spaces online there is often the question of why working class ..."

Skybison

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

"You're right, but the temptation to shame them for their hypocrisy -- not for being ..."

Tehanu

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

"Nichelle Nichols was the Best Woman at that wedding."

P J Evans

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

"Yeah, this is really all about power fantasy, not s3x fantasy. I'm not enthused about ..."

MadGastronomer

Always wear a helmet when skateboarding

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category class warfare evangelicals Iraq Left Behind Mammon music Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In Revelation, what does John eat that is sweet in his mouth but sour in his stomach?

Select your answer to see how you score.

A sealed book Honey A little scroll The word of God