I’m so proud/horrified (#13 is my favorite)

Last updated on: July 30, 2014 at 9:22 am by Simcha Fisher

I’m so proud/horrified (#13 is my favorite) 2014-07-30T09:22:30-05:00 Simcha Fisher

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The other day, this appeared on the bathroom door:

It was written by my 12-year-old son, who is both very twelve, and very much my son.

Can’t quite make it out? You can either walk away in blissful ignorance, or you can read on, and prepare yourself for the next generation of Fishers. Here is what it says:

RULES FOR POOPING IN A STAIN-FREE MANNER

Open bathroom door and (using feet) walk in.

Close and lock bathroom door.

Walk to sink, reach across and turn on light.

Walk to toilet.

Open lid of toilet.

Pull down pants and underwear.

Place butt on toilet seat (commonly known as sitting).

Concentrate the muscles in the lower region (butt) until [redacted]. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Get wad of toilet paper and wipe away remaining poo. Repeat.

Reach for silver thingy on side and pull down (commonly known as “flushing”)

Walk to sink and turn on.

Rub hands with soap and put under sink until clean.

Wipe wet hands on pants.

Walk to door and open.

Walk out.

Congratulations, YOU POOPED!

TAKE ONE CERTIFICATE
IF YOU HAVE COMPLETED ALL ACTIONS

[I POOPED AND I’M PROUD]

I am not sure what, in particular, brought this on. But I noticed that no one has taken a certificate yet.

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