Dark Devotional: I Don’t Believe in the Fatherhood of God, do you?

Last updated on: September 9, 2016 at 8:30 am by Jonathan Ryan

Dark Devotional: I Don’t Believe in the Fatherhood of God, do you? 2016-09-09T08:30:16-05:00 Jonathan Ryan

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When it comes to the story of the Prodigal Son, it’s hard to come up with a new angle. It’s been done. The story has been dissected over and over again. Is there anything new that we can learn from it?

The popular picture of Jesus’ parable is about the wayward son who sins like a Catholic at Mardi Gras and then gets forgiven by the father. That’s a great story, but it’s not really the point of the tale. If you go a little deeper, you see that just as much time is spent on the oldest son. He is a stand-in, of course, for the judgmental Pharisees, just like the younger son is a stand-in for all the wayward Gentiles. The Protestant preacher Tim Keller points out that both of the sons hate the father in their own way. But he also makes an interesting point: the parable isn’t about the sons, it’s about the Father who runs to them.

To me, this is the unbelievable part of the story. A father who would love his younger son, who wished him dead, so much that he would hike up his robe, expose his loins to the world and run like a madman to welcome him home. Or who would address his other son–who openly insulted him by questioning his fatherly care–with gentleness.

Why do I have a hard time believing in that kind of love? Why is it so difficult to believe the Father loves me that way too, no matter if I’m a judgmental pharisee or a crazed hedonist? It’s because it’s so easy to believe in a judgmental God who wants to bring the fire and brimstone every time you do something naughty. It’s easy because that’s what I feel I deserve. All the time.

But see, that’s the problem. I want to deserve something. Work for it. It’s an almost masochistic tendency. God can’t love me. He needs to beat me, not run to me. This passage makes me realize how difficult it has been in my life to receive love. And, before you sic Freud on me, my dad loves me. He didn’t abuse me. There’s just something stuck in me that won’t allow me to believe God loves me; that he will gird his loins for me; that he will run to me; that he will die on a cross for me.

I wish I could end with a sappy, “awww, come here, God, I know you love me.” But, that would be dishonest. I’m still stuck on the porch with the Eldest Son or drawing back with the Youngest Son, covered in the gross mess of pigs. I earned all of that, you see. It’s mine. It’s gross and awful, but it belongs to me.

Maybe one day, I’ll be given the Grace to give them up. Because I sure want to. Or do I?

Previous Post

September 7, 2016

"For the [Not Quite] Dead"

Next Post

September 12, 2016 Sick Pilgrim at the Ministry Fair

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent Approaching Mystery art Book Reviews Catholic Ghost Story Catholicism community Confession Current Events Dark Devotional Deconstruction Deconstruction Fellow Travelers I Want To Believe Interview Laudato Si Lent Mary Matthew's Letters Movie Reviews Music Reviews Our Charism Personal Essay Pilgrims Pope Francis Popular Piety Prayer Publishing Richard Beck Saints Satan Sheed and Ward Sick Pilgrim Charism Sick Pilgrim Chats Sick Pilgrim Events Sick Pilgrim Travelin' Medicine Show Sick Pilgrimage to The West Sick Pilgrims Small Joys Spiritual Autobiography Spooky Files of Ave Maria Magazine Spooky October Spooky Pilgrim Spooky Pilgrimage Strange Journey The Inklings Things Keeping Us Going Trying to Say God TV Reviews Uncategorized women in the Catholic Church Wonder Podcast Write the Vision

Select a Month February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was Moses' wife?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Miriam Rachel Leah Zipporah