Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Not So Excellent Wife

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
5 Tough Questions to Consider Before You Call It Quits

5 Tough Questions to Consider Before You Call It Quits

Last updated on: June 14, 2021 at 3:41 pm by Sheila Qualls

5 Tough Questions to Consider Before You Call It Quits 2021-06-14T15:41:47-06:00 Sheila Qualls

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

One hundred percent of marriages hit hard spots. And half of them end in divorce. If your happily-ever-after is starting to crumble, and you find yourself asking “When is divorce the right answer?” ask yourself different questions instead.

When I coach women who are struggling in their marriages, I often advise them to ask themselves the same hard questions I asked myself when I thought divorce was the answer.

It’s easy to look at what my husband is not doing and complain.

Women initiate divorce far more often than men these days. Many times we feel our husbands are defective or they’ll never change.

For years, I felt like I did everything–the cooking, the cleaning, the disciplining, the planning–and he was only a paycheck. If my husband was only a paycheck, I thought divorce was the right answer. He could’ve easily put a check in the mail.

I complained and criticized. I decided I’d made a bad decision in marrying him. I couldn’t remember why I was initially attracted to him because at the time, I didn’t even like him.

If my husband was only a paycheck, divorce was the answer

My husband is more than a paycheck. And yours probably is, too.

Divorce may not be the best solution. If you get into another relationship, you’ll discover your guy is more “normal” than you thought he was.

Most people have thought about divorcing one time or another.

Even though your husband may not be doing everything as you’d like him to do, he adds a dimension to your life you can’t get any other way.

Instead of getting rid of my husband, I decided to ask myself if I was doing everything I could to make my marriage work. I wasn’t.

When I started asking myself hard questions, something in my marriage changed. Mostly with me. As a result of asking myself hard questions, I started making small changes. But they made a huge difference in my marriage. I started treating my husband differently.

And he changed. He became more attentive. He listened more. I started to like him again. A lot.

You may feel like he’ll never change, but quitting may not be the solution.

I wasted too much time focusing on what was wrong with my husband and not enough time on what he did right.

Download

‘How to Be a Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave’ Challenge

Instead of asking yourself if you should divorce, ask yourself “Am I doing everything I can to improve my marriage?”

Asking hard questions takes your focus off the problems and puts it on solutions. When your marriage feels hard, it’s easy and even natural to want to find someone or something to blame.

But the only behavior you can change is your own. And you can start by asking hard questions.

Instead of asking “When is divorce the right answer?” ask yourself these questions instead:

Am I giving my marriage 100 percent?
How often do I let my husband know I appreciate him?
Do I listen to my husband instead of trying to be heard?
How often do I speak encouraging words to my husband?
How often do I give my husband the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to a conclusion?

Need skills to build intimacy?

Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
“Like” my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
Check out my FREE resources and get “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.

She went from the brink of divorce to a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you get the marriages they yearn for.

After 34 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-killing habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota. They have five children and a Black Lab named Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

Marriage

blogs for women

Christain living

christian encouragement

dealing with emotional pain

should i get divorced or stay married

Victorious Christian Living

when is divorce the right answer?

wife

women's emotional health

Previous Post

January 21, 2021

1 Sure Way to Tell You're in a Healthy Marriage

Next Post

February 12, 2021 Beware of These 5 Ways You May Unintentionally Push Your Man Away

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Emotional Health Faith Health Marriage Motherhood Parenting Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 January 2023 June 2022 March 2022 June 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 February 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz