Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Not So Excellent Wife

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
How Changing My Mindset Changed My Marriage

How Changing My Mindset Changed My Marriage

Last updated on: December 20, 2019 at 12:51 pm by Sheila Qualls

How Changing My Mindset Changed My Marriage 2019-12-20T12:51:16-06:00 Sheila Qualls

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

how to change myself to change my marriage What if you discovered you can change husband and your marriage.

This isn’t a trick.

The fastest way to change your husband and your marriage is to change the way you think about them.

I changed my mindset and changed my marriage.

I chose to see my husband and my marriage differently.

Thoughts are small, but they’re powerful. And they can control you. They can influence the way you respond to your husband and the way you view your marriage.

Actions stem from thoughts.

Change your mind; change your marriage.

It’s easy to criticize your husband. It’s easy to think about what he does wrong and complain about it. It’s easy to look at someone else’s marriage and wish yours was like theirs.

But what if you tried focusing on what he does right and on what’s good about your marriage?

When you focus on what he does right, you’ll change the way you treat him. When you focus on what’s good about your marriage, you’ll change the way you see it.

When you change the way you treat your husband, chances are he’ll change the way he responds to you.

Sounds simple, but it’s not easy

It won’t happen overnight, especially if you’re in the habit of thinking he’s the problem.

Negative thoughts haunted my marriage for years. I didn’t give my husband the benefit of the doubt. I thought he was 99 percent of the problem. I thought if he’d get with the program, we’d have an ideal marriage.

If he was late, I thought he was inconsiderate.

If he forgot something I asked him to do, I thought my needs and wants weren’t important to him. If he left a mess or didn’t take out the trash, I thought he didn’t appreciate me.

The thought of him irritated me. Would you want to be around someone you constantly irritated? Naturally he wanted to avoid me.

The more he avoided me, the more I thought he didn’t care.

Marriage is a self-fulfilling prophecy

If you think negative thoughts, you’ll see negative behaviors.

Fortunately, the opposite is true, too. If you think positive thoughts and give benefit of the doubt, you’ll see positive behaviors.

Think of how much less conflict and drama you’d have in marriage if you chose to:

Be the one who is slow to take offense
Be the one who’s slower to jump to conclusions
Be the one who’s quicker to give the benefit of the doubt
Not try to assume what he’s thinking

Change the way you think about your husband and your marriage and you’ll change them both.

Here are 8 thoughts that can change your marriage

Instead of assuming the worst, give him the benefit of the doubt.
Hear him out before taking offense.
Make mental notes of what he does well and acknowledge it.
Affirm him instead of criticize him.
Speak to him using a respectful tone instead of sounding irritated.
See his differences as necessary qualities you don’t have.
Think of him as your equal, not your child.
Assure him you’re proud of him and happy with who he is.

The way you think about him will change the way you treat him. When you treat him better, he’ll responds to you differently. He’ll feel better about himself when he thinks you’re happy with him.

Nothing will change your husband and your marriage faster than your thoughts.

Need skills to build intimacy?

Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

Marriage

blogs for women

Christain living

christian encouragement

family

forgiveness

God

how to change myself to change my marriage

hurt

love

marriage

women's emotional health

Previous Post

July 23, 2019

2 Ways Online Dating Improved My Marriage

Next Post

July 31, 2019 24 Practical Ways to Respect Your Husband

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Emotional Health Faith Health Marriage Motherhood Parenting Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 January 2023 June 2022 March 2022 June 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 February 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz