Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Not So Excellent Wife

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
7 Good Reasons You Shouldn’t Bad-mouth Your Husband

7 Good Reasons You Shouldn’t Bad-mouth Your Husband

Last updated on: December 20, 2019 at 12:51 pm by Sheila Qualls

7 Good Reasons You Shouldn’t Bad-mouth Your Husband 2019-12-20T12:51:31-06:00 Sheila Qualls

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

should-you-share-relationship-problems-with-friends Sharing your relationship problems with friends and family may not be the best idea.

I drove around for about an hour pouring out my frustration about my husband to a friend. I told her about how wrong he was and how angry and mistreated I felt.

Early in my marriage, I didn’t consider the impact of sharing relationship problems with friends and family.

She asked questions. Even appeared sympathetic. Without saying it, she agreed he was the bad guy, which emboldened me in my comments.

I shared more.

I felt so much better when I hung up and soon forgot about our conversation.

Sharing marital problems with others isn’t a good idea.

Here’s why.

Sunday morning in church, my pastor’s wife approached me. After saying her hello’s, she asked about my husband and began freely sharing her opinion about my marriage.

“Something’s got to give. He can’t keep behaving this way.” Her comments surprised me, and I immediately began defending my husband, explaining his actions and thoughts around the issue.

I also instantly realized the damage I’d done to my husband by freely airing my frustration to others.

It may feel good to vent about your husband in the short term, but guarding what you say about him to others is important. Family and friends won’t forgive or forget as quickly as you do.

Here’s are six reasons you shouldn’t share marital problems with friends or family:

You may not be able to repair the damage you do to your husband’s reputation.
They may not have your best interests at heart.
They’re only hearing your side.
They may give you horrible advice.
They may share what you say with others.
You may have kissed and made up, but their opinions may not change.
Sharing information about your marriage may weaken your relationship.

After I bad-mouthed my husband, defending him did little to change their perception of him.

Not only had my friend listened compassionately, she’d then shared the details of our conversation with other women in our church. They then formed their own opinions about my husband with little or no knowledge about my marriage.

At that point even if I told them we had a great marriage, he treated me well and I respected him the damage had been done. I had diminished him in their eyes.

When I’m tempted to share information about my marriage, this incident makes me reconsider. I think about how I’d feel if my husband shared information about me that made his family or our friends form unfavorable opinions of me.

I learned the hard way. I learned to choose my words carefully and keep my opinions about my husband to myself.

Before badmouthing your husband ask yourself:

Would I want him to share this information about me?
Does this person have my spouse and my marriage’s best interest at heart?
How would my husband feel if he heard me say this?

I’m not suggesting you keep quiet about physical or emotional abuse. In that case, telling someone and getting help is always best.

Marriage is an intimate, private union between you and your husband. Go out of your way to keep your relationship sacred and to protect your husband’s reputation.

Need skills to build intimacy?

Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

Marriage

blogs for women

christian encouragement

Christina

dealing with emotional pain

should you share relationship problems with friends

Previous Post

March 20, 2019

10 Steps to Stop Controlling Your Husband

Next Post

March 25, 2019 4 Reasons You Shouldn't Gossip About Your Husband (and 1 Reason You Should)

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Emotional Health Faith Health Marriage Motherhood Parenting Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 January 2023 June 2022 March 2022 June 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 February 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz