Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

The Not So Excellent Wife

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
7 Ways to Let Go of Past Hurt and Look to the Future

7 Ways to Let Go of Past Hurt and Look to the Future

Last updated on: December 20, 2019 at 12:52 pm by Sheila Qualls

7 Ways to Let Go of Past Hurt and Look to the Future 2019-12-20T12:52:05-06:00 Sheila Qualls

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

7-ways-to let-go-of-the past Is the past holding you back?

It may still be painful, if it was horrible. And it might be squeezing the life out of your marriage.

When painful memories begin to control you, it’s time to deal with them and begin letting them go. It’s essential if you want your marriage to thrive.

How you respond to hurt is a predictor to the happiness of your marriage. Are you able to forgive and move on?

Do you learn from your past without holding it against your husband?

Moving on is a choice.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

When my husband and I got married, I was hurt by something that had happened in the past. I refused to let it go.

It should’ve been settled long before we married, and it was… for him. Long before he’d asked me to marry him, he put the past in a box and stuck it way back in the corner of his mind. Men do that well.

Not me.

I held onto it and used it as coffee table decor.

When I got mad, I picked it up. Not a great way to start a marriage.

I didn’t think he deserved my respect. So I only gave it when I felt like it. I thought letting it go would let him off the hook or he’d think it wasn’t a big deal. He needed to feel my pain.

Maybe you know what I mean. Do you have trouble letting go of old hurts? Do you wield an old hurt like a weapon?

The problem with holding on to old hurts is you get new ones. And little hurts get bigger as they pass through the filter of the old hurt.

When hurt gets in the way, marriage gets hard.

Make a decision to let go.

Maybe you’re holding on to something that happened in your past, and it’s hurting your marriage.

Maybe it’s not a hurt your husband caused. Maybe it was caused by someone else in your life.

Letting go of past hurts isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Learn from them, but don’t dwell on them.

Holding on prevents you from looking to the future.

Steps to letting go.

Here are ways to work through hurts or resentments in your marriage:

1. See your husband for who he is now and not through the lens of the past.

2. Focus on who he is becoming.

3. Find a mentor, a coach or like-minded accountability partners.

4. Keep disagreements in the now and leave the past in the past.

5. Forgive–him and yourself.

6. Respect him even when you’re angry.

7. Pray for him.

If you can’t let it on your own, seek a counselor or talk to your pastor. Click here to receive our best marriage tips and tools.

If you want a strong marriage, you have to build it.

And you can’t build it on a foundation weakened by old hurt.

We have to find ways to leave the past in the past. Hope is in the future. Choose to start new everyday.

Need skills to build intimacy?

Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

Uncategorized

blogs for women

Christain living

christian encouragement

dealing with emotional pain

letting go of past hurts

Victorious Christian Living

women's emotional health

Previous Post

January 24, 2019

8 Ways to be a Much Better Wife

Next Post

January 26, 2019 5 Revolutionary Books That'll Make You Want to Improve Your Marriage

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Emotional Health Faith Health Marriage Motherhood Parenting Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 January 2023 June 2022 March 2022 June 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 February 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz