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The Not So Excellent Wife

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Family, Parenting and Religion
5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

Last updated on: December 20, 2019 at 12:53 pm by Sheila Qualls

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5 Ways to Be a Better Wife 2019-12-20T12:53:04-06:00 Sheila Qualls

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Being a wife isn’t easy for me.

It’s not natural for me to greet my man with a Pinterest-worthy meal and a kiss at the end of the day.If I hold my husband’s hand and it’s not Sunday, he thinks something’s wrong.

If I’m not thinking about it, my PDA (public display of affection) won’t go beyond holding hands in church on Sunday.

I need to remind myself everyday to be a better wife. But, too many nights I lie in bed in my pink plaid jammy bottoms and raggedy red camisole thinking, “I’ve really got to up my wife game.” Then I doze off.

If you’re like me, loving your husband well isn’t going to happen by accident. You have to be intentional.

Keeping a marriage healthy is all about the “deets.” Those little details we commit to every day to encourage and love each other.

A few years ago, I decided to step up my wife game. I tried the Love Dare. The 40-day challenge for practicing unconditional love. Umm. . . I failed.

Before we married, I’d never had trouble being affectionate. We talked on the phone for hours. I surprised him. I held his hand. So, what’s the problem now?

Maybe your marriage, like mine, has cooled to a simmer after years and kids.

Honestly, who fails the Love Dare? I gave up about Day 14.

Here’s the embarrassing part: After “14 days” of gifts, compliments, and sweet nothings, my husband was concerned. He said I was acting strange.

I’m re-examining who God wants me to be in his life, the wife He intended me to be. If all these years of marriage have taught me anything, it’s being a good wife won’t come naturally.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

Here are 5 fail-proof ways I’ve discovered to instantly up my wife game:

Admire him. Tell him what he’s doing well. Compliment him. Send him a text at work to let him know you’re thinking of him.
Spend time with him. Arrange quality time. When our kids were little, we set the expectation we’d spend time together each evening while they played or read a book.
Give him a gift. This can be as simple as baking cookies or making his favorite meal.
Get physical. Hold his hand. Put your arm around him in bed. Initiate intimacy.
Respect him. Say things to build him up. Tell other people nice things about him.

The bottom line is every man needs to know :

what he’s doing well
how much you appreciate his efforts
you want to spend time time with him
you’re thinking of him
you desire him

If you’re like me, you have the best intentions, but you get distracted. Knowing you love him isn’t enough. You need to show him you love him and your marriage is a priority. A hug, a kiss, a smile, a squeeze of his hand, or a kind word will go a long way.

I’m striving to make my husband feel loved and cherished so he no longer questions why I’m holding his hand, if it’s not Sunday.

Need skills to build intimacy?

Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
Check out my FREE resources and download How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave.
Apply for private coaching with Sheila.

Subscribe to updates from The Not So Excellent Wife here!

Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.

She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.

After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.

She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.

In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.

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