No Citizen Left Behind

Last updated on: February 24, 2016 at 10:02 pm by Shane Phipps

No Citizen Left Behind 2016-02-24T22:02:49-04:00 Shane Phipps

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The recent decision by the Indiana legislature to scrap the current standardized test, called “ISTEP”, and replace it with something new comes as no surprise to anyone in the education game. We all expected it. The news also comes without much excitement. We fully expect the next test to be much like the one it will replace, except that the change will no doubt come at the expense of many millions of taxpayer dollars. What is not likely to change is the fact that, whatever form the new test takes, it will still be a one-size-fits-all test. It will still come with a one-size-fits-all accountability system. It will still rank (pit) one school system against another. And it will still likely serve to do nothing to help close the socio-economic achievement gap.

This being an election year, and I being one who likes to view the world in analogies, I thought I would play Grand Poobah and poke a little fun at the well-intentioned disaster known as No Child Left Behind, or NCLB. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. When I look down that road, I see NCLB in yellow stripes, right down the center lane.

As president, my money saving stroke of genius won’t even require us to change the acronym on our official letterhead, which will still read “NCLB,” but will stand for No Citizen Left Behind. What follows is a thumbnail version of my plan.

No Citizen Left Behind is meant to guarantee that EVERY citizen in these United States will excel in their chosen field of endeavor. States will be held accountable to see that every citizen has a high paying and upwardly mobile career. Furthermore, to ensure the proper growth for each citizen, the state must see to it that, each year, every citizen keeps their job, gets a raise and, preferably, a nice promotion. To hold states accountable, the work of all citizens will be analyzed and they will be divided into one of three categories each year, low growth, typical growth, and high growth. The high growth group will consist of the 33% of the state’s citizenry that got the biggest raises and/or achieved the most impressive promotions. The typical growth group will consist of the 33% of the citizens that achieved raises or promotions that did not make it into the top 33%. The low growth group will consist of the citizens that achieved the smallest raises, least important promotions or, God forbid, somehow lost their jobs or fell on hard times. Towns and neighborhoods that have the most citizens in the high growth category will be given a letter grade of an A and, of course, they will receive the most federal money the following year as a reward for being model communities. They will also be provided with “welcome to town” signs with their letter grade proudly embossed in gold lettering. The towns and neighborhoods that end up in the typical growth category will recieve a letter grade of a B or C and basically receive the same amount of government funding as they did the year before, but certainly no more. Towns and neighborhoods that are labeled as low growth will be graded with a D or F and, logically, they will receive less money the following year, until such time as they can prove they have gotten their act together. Towns and neighborhoods that continually end up with the low growth label may be removed from the control of the state and taken over by the federal government.

You may be concerned that some neighborhoods and towns may be at an inherant disadvantage compared with others. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. If you live in a neighborhood that ends up labeled low growth, you can get help from the government to move to a high growth neighborhood. Problem solved!

Now I ask you, doesn’t that sound crazy?

Well, dear citizen, that is essentially the game your schools in Indiana have been forced to play.

Think about it.

Education

No Child Left Behind

Uncategorized

Previous Post

February 21, 2016

Going in...Again (The Black Hole)

Next Post

March 5, 2016 Where Do We Draw the Green Line?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 150 word story 2nd Amendment AARP abortion addiction aging alcoholism Anderson Wigwam Andrew Jackson Appalachia Basketball bias bigotry Black Lives Matter Christianity Christmas, Constitution, Bill of Rights Civil War Clinton cloning confirmation bias Conservation Constitution Controversial Creationism Creepy tales David Bowie depression Dogs Education Election Electoral College Empathy Environmental Evolution exvangelical faith Family Family History Fantasy Genealogy Genesis George Washington Ghetto Global Warming Gun Control health care High School Basketball Hillary History Hockey homosexuality Hoosier Hysteria Hoosiers Hunting immigration income inequality Interview ISTEP Jurassic Park Kaepernick Ken Hamm Kids say the Darndest things LGBTQ Love MAGA Manifest Destiny Merit Pay Mike Pence Muhammad Ali Multiple Perspectives Music Music Review Nashville News media NHL No Child Left Behind NRA Paradox Parenting Pence Perspective Politics POTUS Poverty Predators Race Religion religious freedom Sci Fi Science Secret of Life sexual harrassment Short Stories Slavery Small Town Indiana Smashville Social Commentary social media sports Stress technology Terrorism Thomas Jefferson Trauma Trump Turning 50 Uncategorized war Washington DC White Privilege wooly mammoths words in red Writing Writing Process Writing, Writing Process Young Earth

Select a Month June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 August 2021 May 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What was worn as a sign of mourning in biblical times?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Linen Purple robe Fur Sackcloth

Support this
Column