{"id":410,"date":"2024-04-17T16:29:57","date_gmt":"2024-04-17T20:29:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/savoringmotherhood\/?p=410"},"modified":"2024-04-10T16:30:25","modified_gmt":"2024-04-10T20:30:25","slug":"expectations-perfectionism-the-catalyst-to-mom-guilt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/savoringmotherhood\/2024\/04\/expectations-perfectionism-the-catalyst-to-mom-guilt\/","title":{"rendered":"Expectations & Perfectionism: The Catalyst to Mom Guilt\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Photo courtesy of Eye for Ebony on Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Today was a day to celebrate a huge accomplishment and I fully expected to be raising a glass over a succulent steak dinner, baked potatoes and perfectly grilled onions.\u00a0 Instead, I was sitting on the living room floor cleaning up dog pee while my boys ran right by the load of laundry that sat unfolded on the hearth. My youngest yelled from the bedroom that he couldn\u2019t find any pajamas to wear.\u00a0 \u2018Maybe they\u2019re in that clean laundry basket you keep ignoring,\u2019 I thought to myself sarcastically.\u00a0 I kept scrubbing, my throat working hard to swallow down the tears. I tucked my chin and willed my eyes to not turn red for my husband to see.\u00a0 My expectation of the evening and the perfectionism with which I planned it were rapidly fraying as I gave in to Mom Guilt.<\/span><\/p>\n

Expectations are the Enemy<\/strong><\/h3>\n Expectations.\u00a0 They are the number one plan killer! Expectations are often left unmet and usually true life falls so very short of them.\u00a0 We hear the term Mom Guilt thrown around and some of us wear it like a badge.\u00a0 But lets face it \u2013 sometimes we wear that guilt like an excuse.\u00a0 I\u2019m guilted into doing this, so I\u2019ll just be the martyr and do what is expected of me. Even though it saps me and wipes me out and dries me up to the marrow of my bones.\u00a0 Yet somehow we convince ourselves that the business of \u2018doing\u2019 is what will eradicate Mom Guilt for good. Oh how I\u2019ve longed to escape this stigma that being a mom is secondary to being a successful person.\u00a0 That motherhood needs to take backstage to \u201creal\u201d work.\u00a0 Or that being a mom is somehow less than the beautiful calling that it is.<\/span><\/p>\n I am raising the next generation of humans that will handle the planet.\u00a0 That will influence the government.\u00a0 That will rise up and raise their own humans and run businesses and be loving spouses and have a heart to seek after God.\u00a0 How can this be a secondary job, a lesser ministry, something to handle after your career expectations have been met?\u00a0 So I\u2019m flipping the lid, turning the tables, and changing the game.\u00a0 Mom Guilt is no longer a term that I will entertain, clip on my blazer as a badge to fall back on, or let control my decisions. And it has no place in how I raise my children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n What is Mom Guilt?<\/strong><\/h3>\n Dr Melissa Young<\/a> from the Cleveland Clinic describes it as\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n " \u201cA name given to the feelings of guilt and shame some people feel when they don\u2019t live up to their own or others\u2019 expectations in their role as a parent. It\u2019s like an internal dialogue that tells you you\u2019re failing as a caregiver.\u00a0 \u201cThere are so many subtle \u2014 and not-so-subtle \u2014 triggers in our society,\u201d she continues, \u201cthat pressure us into thinking we should be able to \u2018do it all,\u2019\u201d Dr. Young explains. \u201cMom guilt is a very natural experience when you consider all the competing responsibilities and expectations in our lives. But there aren\u2019t enough hours in the day to do everything you think you should be doing. The math doesn\u2019t compute.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Where do the seeds of our Mom Guilt sprout from?\u00a0 Other moms! You shouldn\u2019t vaccinate. Red dye will kill you. Gluten free is the way to go. Stay away from fast food. And on goes the advice that is thrown at us all day long, normally from well meaning moms. But it means that the one day I stop for McDonalds for my kids and let them sip on a Hawaiian Punch will send me spiraling.<\/span><\/p>\n Stop Spreading the Guilt!<\/strong><\/h3>\n****** ** ******As you scroll through social media, be careful of what you post. Something you might share that is best for your family needs to be framed as such. Otherwise, you may be partnering in the efforts to suffocate moms under guilt and shame. The guilt stems from worries about every \u2018should\u2019 we need to be doing as mothers. <\/span>When you reach the end of your full-time season of motherhood, you may find that you\u2019ve missed out on so many moments to savor. Even more, listening to what other moms do that\u2019s not even on your radar, could have you missing out on how amazing your kids actually are.<\/span><\/p>\n Healing from Mom Guilt<\/strong><\/h3>\n******** ** ********Mind control and self care is what you need to begin fighting back against the guilt!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \nBe kind to yourself when the guilt creeps in. <\/span><\/li>\nTake your thoughts captive just like we read in II Corinthians 10:5<\/a><\/span> \u2018and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ\u2019.<\/span><\/li>\nDefine what successful parenting means to you, then work toward that.<\/span><\/li>\nKeep expectations of your parenting and your children\u2019s abilities in check.<\/span><\/li>\nRecognize the importance of modeling to your children. Perfectionism, the other enemy of Mom Guilt, is debilitating for children.<\/span><\/li>\n Prioritize self care.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n******** ** Savoring Mamas, lets reach down and snap off that Mom Guilt badge. Forge ahead to change the world as strong moms, graceful moms, grateful moms, and watch your kids grow up under the umbrella of a new G word.\u00a0 Guilt is out the window.\u00a0 We\u2019re moving forward in Grace.<\/p>\n ** <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ** ********Today was a day to celebrate a huge accomplishment and I fully expected to be raising a glass over a succulent steak dinner, baked potatoes and perfectly grilled onions.\u00a0 Instead, I was sitting on the living room floor cleaning up dog pee while my boys ran right by the load of laundry that sat unfolded […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5480,"featured_media":419,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,75,38],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-410","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children","category-early-adolescents","category-trauma-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nExpectations and Perfectionism: The Catalyst to Mom Guilt<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mom guilt will hit each of us during our parenting journey. 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