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Bedtime Battles – Steps to End the Lights Out War

Bedtime Battles – Steps to End the Lights Out War

Last updated on: April 5, 2024 at 1:13 pm by Lois J Rodriguez

Bedtime Battles – Steps to End the Lights Out War 2024-04-05T13:13:55-04:00 Lois J Rodriguez

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Image shows young boy reading a book in bed with a flashlight and teddy bear.

Image Courtesy of Amberrose Nelson, Pixabay

A fish doesn’t consume as much water as a child trying to delay bedtime, am I right? I’ve never been so inundated with hugs and casual ‘I love yous’ as I am when lights go out. A recounting of my son’s day is done with such flair just as I’m closing the door. My writings talk a lot about the importance of structure and schedule, and bedtime is no different. Here’s a few ideas that drove the point home to our kids when we finally cracked down on the bedtime battles. We meant business.

Creating a Bedtime Routine

Determine a set bedtime routine that emphasizes calm and quiet. Doing so will get kids in the frame of mind to rev down their engines so they can park their little race car bodies in the garage for the night. Do this every single night. A child thrives on routine so they know exactly what is coming next. If you have neurodivergent kiddos like mine, the routine is their safety.

1- Create a pick up routine. For us, each boy is in charge of a “zone”. Each room in the house is a different zone. This means they are on their own getting things put away rather than all in the same room. Invariably, more than 1 in a room leads to wrestling and playtime again. Mama, you do not have to do all the clean-up yourself! Begin now to teach this and the kids will learn to pick up after themselves.

2- Having older children help the younger ones can be of great benefit in slowing down the littles. Helping with reading, folding clothes, putting towels up after showers, whatever an older child can do to help. Some siblings enjoy this responsibility. Others, not so much.

3- Next, gather the family in 1 room for wind-down time. Do a quiet activity together. A game of cards, coloring, a puzzle, or reading a book together are great choices. Doing this as a family unit shows parents also winding down. They learn most from what we do, not what we make them do.

Dishing Out Independence

Once in bed, 2 things took our bedtime battles from wartime to peace.

1- A nightlight on a timer catapulted bedtime into a huge win because it’s fun. Using a diffuser with calming lavender is our choice. The diffuser has an internal light we set to go off after 15 minutes. Once in bed, let each child do their own version of ‘quiet play’. The rule, though, is that they have to be in bed for it. We built a shelf above each bed where they could keep books, coloring or a quiet toy. For the duration of the diffuser they could play or read quietly. Once the diffuser stopped, it was time for lights out.

This method incorporates many choices that our children can make, something that is vital to getting them invested in the routine. Choices like what color the diffuser light should be or which books to choose puts them in control. Well, not really. Rather, in control of choices that we set for them. Parenting win right there, mamas!

2- Kindergarten graduation is a huge right of passage for kids, not only for the excitement of crossing the stage in their mini cap and gown, but in our home they knew a gift was waiting for them at home. This marked the day they received their very own bed light. Choose any milestone to present this gift, but for us it marked the beginning of their ability to read on their own. As soon as they received their bed light, it meant they got an extra 15 minutes before lights out. Wow! Now a full 30 minutes before lights out! Huge.

What a grown up privilege to hand out. They think it’s a step of independence but let’s be real. We are giving them 30 minutes to tire out so that when lights go out, they are quiet and sleepy. The night light is now set on a 30 minute timer and they are now in charge of turning off their own light. Sounds so simple but in truth it is a big deal. They don’t have mom and dad coming to tell them “Lights Out!”. They do it all on their own. Again, huge for kids.

Maybe reading is not your kids’ jam. Choose something that is. Let them color. Play with teddy bears. Write in their journal. Do their quiet time. Adapt this to each of your kids’ likes, but allow only for something calm and quiet. Not only is the bed light (we chose a clip-on style) great for going to sleep, but it also can translate to a calmer wake up. They stay in bed to do their quiet activity in the morning as long as they can.

Empowering our Kids Toward Confidence

Did these ideas work for us on day 1? Nope, but start the habit and see if it helps your family. Most of us fly by the seat of our burning pants. Kids pick up on that chaos and adopt it quickly. Setting up a routine and sticking to it (yes, you must stick to it!) puts you back in the driver’s seat. Depending on the age of your kids, ask for their suggestions on the routine. Anytime we can get our children invested in decisions makes them feel empowered. Empowered kids feel like their opinions matter. Kids who feel they matter develop a deep sense of confidence.

I’d love your suggestions on what works to keep your kiddos in bed. Until next week, my mama friend!

Image shows photo of author in pink shirt smiling at the camera with her contact information noted on the right.

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About Lois J Rodriguez

As a foster parent & adoptive mom to 4 young boys, Lois went from newlywed to a family of 6 seemingly overnight. Her deep dive experience with at-risk youth and trauma parenting has been a sink or swim adventure. Parenting neurodivergent children has sent Lois on a quest to understand the critical phases of child development and the challenges for at-risk youth. Her research focuses on hemispheric brain balancing, secure attachment, oppositional defiance and neurodevelopmental disorders, early childhood development, hardwired temperaments and brain remodeling. Expanding her research to early and middle adolescent development, Lois is authoring a book on middle school parenting. Dissecting this critical area of development into easy to understand language, she aims to reorient the apprehension many families feel during this rewarding parenting season. Join the conversation at LoisJRodriguez.com. You can read more about the author here.

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