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Teaching our Children to Forgive

Teaching our Children to Forgive

Last updated on: December 30, 2023 at 8:53 am by Lois J Rodriguez

Teaching our Children to Forgive 2023-12-30T08:53:09-05:00 Lois J Rodriguez

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I let the school door slam, marching purposefully back to my truck. Some mornings he could really make me grit my teeth. For once I had stood up, put him in his place and it felt good.

Sound familiar? Maybe it’s a spouse who is always right and you finally got one up on them. Perhaps a friend whose social media presence shows her all put together and you finally found the chink in her armor. There’s something satisfying about the act of putting one in one’s place, even for a moment.

But that moment passed quickly for me as I came to terms with the knowledge that the person I had put in his place was my 7 year old son.

Mom Sets the Tone

While lashing out was only for a moment, my outburst could ring in his ears all day. The tone of his day was set by his mother who chose an angry outburst over a soft answer. I tried to justify that he was probably already deep in play, unaffected by my words, but the Holy Spirit kept nudging me.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer. Turning away wrath. The words of Proverbs 15:1 began swirling in my heart and there was no escaping this. Whether my son was still reeling over my words was no longer the question – I myself was feeling the weight of conviction.

The crunch of gravel under my worn out sneakers was like gunfire as I hunched my shoulders in embarrassment and headed back into the school. Trying to summon the courage to even put my hand on the classroom door, I wondered if I was about to make a fool of myself. Turning the knob and I was standing in front of the classroom, looking wild eyed at the teacher and all the students who had silenced upon my entrance.

“Uh, I’m so sorry, could I take him back out for just a moment?” I stammered as I made eye contact with my sweet boy across the room. With that look, I knew. He remembered. He was hurt.

“Lord, fill my lips with the right words,” I begged silently as I knelt down to my son’s level.

The Power of Forgiveness

“Mommy messed up,” was all I could get out before I was overcome with tears. With shattered breath I felt the weight of my actions that morning. Forgiveness was the only thing I wanted to ask for but I couldn’t get the words around the tears. As he watched his mother break down, he reached his thumb up to swipe away the streaks on my face. His eyes welled up, cocking his head to listen over the din of the school hallway. All I could do was whisper in his ear as I drew him close. “Can you forgive me, my love?”

That was all it took and he threw his arms around my neck. Oh the weight that immediately lifted! His little body melted into mine as he held on tightly, then with great purpose he pulled back so he could whisper in my own ear, “Yes, mama, I forgive you.”

Forgiveness in this New Year

Forgiveness is a strange and wonderful thing. The great release that accompanies the words ‘I forgive you’ is no match to the nursing of our anger, whether justified or not. I was overwhelmed as I held my son in the midst of kids bustling around us, jostling against us as we knelt in the hallway. The gift that my son and I had given to each other was priceless. Me in the asking and he in the granting. Asking forgiveness of a child is a humbling experience. Yet in the doing, my son was able to see the humanity of his mother. Our kids need to see that we aren’t perfect. That we’re trying just like them.

As our children start the school year back up after a long holiday, join me in remembering this:

A small portion of our teaching is with words. Most is with our actions.

If we want them to learn to forgive others, we have to teach them to ask for forgiveness. In showing them our vulnerabilities, they learn humility and the realization that no one is perfect. Not even a mom that they love more than anything.

Until next week, my forgiving friend! In the meantime, let’s connect online!

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About Lois J Rodriguez

As a foster parent & adoptive mom to 4 young boys, Lois went from newlywed to a family of 6 seemingly overnight. Her deep dive experience with at-risk youth and trauma parenting has been a sink or swim adventure. Parenting neurodivergent children has sent Lois on a quest to understand the critical phases of child development and the challenges for at-risk youth. Her research focuses on hemispheric brain balancing, secure attachment, oppositional defiance and neurodevelopmental disorders, early childhood development, hardwired temperaments and brain remodeling. Expanding her research to early and middle adolescent development, Lois is authoring a book on middle school parenting. Dissecting this critical area of development into easy to understand language, she aims to reorient the apprehension many families feel during this rewarding parenting season. Join the conversation at LoisJRodriguez.com. You can read more about the author here.

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