Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Roll to Disbelieve

Home
Nonreligious
Calvinists, On Why People Dislike Calvinists

Calvinists, On Why People Dislike Calvinists

Last updated on: August 28, 2021 at 8:01 pm by Captain Cassidy

Calvinists, On Why People Dislike Calvinists 2021-08-28T20:01:00-06:00 Captain Cassidy

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Hi and welcome back! Even an inattentive reader around here quickly figures out that I’m not a big fan of Calvinists. And I’m hardly the only one who has big, serious issues with this flavor of Christianity. Recently, I discovered that Calvinists themselves have caught on to outsiders’ near-universal dislike of them. But as usual for extremists, Calvinists’ utter lack of self-awareness has led them to some really wacky conclusions about why that dislike exists. Today, let’s see why people dislike Calvinists — and why Calvinists think they’re disliked.

(thierry ehrmann, CC.)

(Related posts about Calvinists: Calvinism and Arminianism: the New SBC Schism; Calvinists Treat People Like Things; Purity Culture in Calvinism; The Hilarious Glory of a Failed Showdown; How Calvinists Convinced the SBC to Go Inerrant; ‘American Gospel’ Accused of Being Calvinist Propaganda. Also, in this post I criticize Calvinism. I’m aware that #notallcalvinists are like this. Some Calvinists are absolutely lovely people.)

Calvinism: A Refresher.

Before we start, it’s probably a good idea to talk about what Calvinists believe.

Calvinism is a flavor of Christianity that operates like a module of beliefs. Any Protestant can add this module to their existing raft of doctrinal beliefs. There are Presbyterian Calvinists and Baptist Calvinists and hosts of other sorts of Calvinists. The adoption of this module makes these groups alike far more than their specific denominational beliefs make them different.

Often, Calvinists call themselves Reformed Christians. There do exist some nuances of shading between the terms, but culturally they seem indistinct.

Lately, really authoritarian, mostly-young-ish evangelicals have been getting drawn like whoa into this sub-flavor of Protestantism. Their laser-focus on correct Jesus-ing latches hard onto Calvinism’s claims.

Sidebar: TULIP and Authoritarianism.

Hardcore Calvinists tend to proudly refer to themselves as “five-point Calvinists” (or “five-pointers”, or less if they don’t buy into all five). This term refers to the five parts of the module of Calvinism. The acrostic TULIP refers to the points.

TULIP stands for:

Total depravity. Humans are scum and cannot do anything good. They most especially cannot decide on their own to buy into Christianity.
Unconditional election. Yahweh has preselected the people going to Heaven and never changes his mind.
Limited atonement. Jesus only died for the people he wanted to see in Heaven.
Irresistible grace. If Yahweh wants you in Heaven, you will be there whether you like it or not.
Perseverance of the saints. If you leave Christianity, obviously you were never a TRUE CHRISTIAN™ meant for Heaven.

Somehow, these five points combine to make many — not all, of course, but many — Calvinists into utterly reprehensible human beings.

I suspect it’s the combination of TULIP with authoritarianism. As one Calvinist has noted, “Calvinism is a useful tool for jerky people to act like jerks.” And I agree.

Thus, as I proceed I will seek to delineate that group from Calvinists who are decent human beings.

Why People Don’t Like Calvinists: Real Edition.

When I run into Christians who are uber-authoritarians, who are absolutely controlling, judgmental, and snide, who cannot behave themselves in any kind of civil fashion, who snarl insults and cruel judgments constantly, who sneer condescendingly and preen their own feathers endlessly for their imagined superiority, well, I all too often discover that they’re fervent, hardcore Calvinists.

These authoritarian Calvinists tend to go in for the very worst, most controlling kinds of groups as well. In fact, the Calvinists who kick-started the entire Conservative Resurgence in the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) see their work as unfinished until they can talk the SBC’s leaders into adopting the super-controlling cultural rules they call “church discipline.”

There are no words whatsoever to describe how poorly Calvinists have consistently treated me and anybody else they think they can abuse without repercussions. Their god literally hates everybody but maybe them, and it definitely shows in how they treat others. As Rachel Held Evans once noted,

That God loves everyone (and not just a select group of people) has always been the most important theological constant in my life…and I feel like Calvinism, were it true, would take that away from me. Replacing “for God so loved the world” with “for God so hated the world” (which I believe Calvinism requires) is so disorienting to me, so dark and frightening and hopeless, that I fear it would lead me to despair.

Christians always craft for themselves a god who reflects their own hopes and fears and desires. Rachel’s god loved the world.

But authoritarian Calvinists have chosen a very different god to follow.

An Apparently Old Complaint About Calvinism.

The other day, I was cruising around Reddit’s Christian corners and happened into a subreddit called “r/Reformed.” It’s for Calvinists who want to talk about all things Calvinism. Interestingly, they were complaining (archive) about a meme someone had posted to another subreddit called “r/DankChristianMemes.” Seriously, that exists.

Here is the meme:

(Source.) Click to embiggen.

It’s an image from the sitcom It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In the top frame, a character labeled ‘Biblical Christians’ is at the top of a roof. He extends a hand (labeled ‘God’s love’) to a man (labeled ‘The lost’) falling off the roof to the right.

Then, in the lower frame, Danny DeVito shows up with a 2×4 board. He’s labeled ‘Calvinism’ and the board is labeled ‘God hates some!’ And he’s using the board to separate ‘The lost’ from ‘Biblical Christians.’ In fact, he seems even to be trying to knock ‘The lost’ off the roof with the board.

Now, this isn’t a new meme at all. This post is just over two years old.

Still, the discussion under it caught my attention. I think this might be the first time I’ve ever seen rank-and-file Calvinists really engaging with outsiders’ extremely low opinion of them and their ideology.

And these Calvinists acted like none of the animosity they saw in that other subreddit was anything new.

How Calvinists Reacted to a Dank Christian Meme.

Predictably, almost all the Calvinists who responded to this Original Post (OP) came to one and only one conclusion:

Their critics just didn’t understaaaaand Calvinists. If they understooooood Calvinists, they’d know that they weren’t hateful meaniepies at all.

Seriously. Here’s a selection of quotes:

“It’s a common caricature of Calvinism, espoused by those thst [sic] refuse to actually converse with or understand Calvinists.” (This comment prompted a big argument about the difference between Pelagianism, semipelagianism, and Arminianism.)
“I assume most garden-variety non calvinists just don’t have any idea what Calvinism is.”
“It’s a typical, confused view towards Calvinism. ‘Oh, so you’re a Calvinist. I take that means you are totally against the free offer of the Gospel'”

Once I looked around online, I found source after source confirming this mindset. Calvinists tend to believe that only ignorant meaniepies dislike Calvinists. They universally think their critics don’t really understand what Calvinism involves.

At most, they might concede (as this Calvinist SBC seminary student does) that maybe, just maybe a few bad apples are causing trouble. (Ahem.)

When we see any group acting like this, rest assured: they are awful people who lack self-awareness.

How Calvinists Also Reacted to the Dank Meme.

Hilariously, at the same time we also had Calvinists on that subreddit who fully conformed to the stereotype they all think only sounds believable to the ignorant. Enjoy another selection of quotes (relink of source).

“The sovereign decree of God from all eternity to save for Himself a remnant to the praise of His own glorious grace. Or A straw man meme.”
“Given that ALL hath pleasure in unrighteousness, the greater mystery is why God had mercy on any of us and chose the elect to be spared from the strong delusion.” (This one also quoted 2 Thess 2:11-12, about Yahweh deliberately sending people “strong delusions” to keep them out of Heaven.)
“Grace isn’t offered to the reprobate, and it seems simple as that.”

And then, I saw a hot take that made me laugh:

“I don’t get the joke? Calvinists and Biblical Christians are the same :|”

(The accidental joke being made: Literally every TRUE CHRISTIAN™ ever thinks they’re a “Biblical Christian.” In this context, Biblical is a modifier. It means, roughly, aligning with a particular judging Christian’s own quirky li’l take on the Bible and Christianity.)

And, too, as I looked around online I saw plenty of Calvinists who also displayed exactly the same traits we saw here: the traits that make people dislike Calvinists.

Hold the Presses: ‘Cage Stage’ Calvinists.

Then, I began seeing references to something called Cage Stage Calvinists. This is absolutely hilarious.

When a young evangelical first converts to Calvinism and memorizes TULIP, they often go “on a relational rampage,” as this Calvinist, Tim Challies, tells us. They become Cage Stage Calvinists.

Cage Stage Calvinists are newbies who get so obnoxious that their fellow believers wish these numnuts could just be locked in a cage until they learn some dadgum manners and chill out.

This misbehavior is, of course, a reflection of incorrect Jesus-ing in Tim Challies’ opinion:

Cage-Stage Calvinism happens when the doctrines of grace have clogged up our minds but have never made it to our hearts.

His description of Cage Stage behavior sounds about right, though. Indeed, I’ve met tons of Calvinists who behave exactly as he describes in his post.

What Calvinists Get Wrong About Cage Stage Calvinists.

Tim Challies’ mistakes, however, are huge:

assuming that only a few newbies display this behavior
thinking Jesus-ing correctly cures anything

Ligonier, a Calvinist site, makes the same exact mistakes in their own post on Cage Stage Calvinism. So does The Gospel Coalition.

In fact, it sure seems to me that Sye Ten Bruggencate, once a darling of Calvinism before his recent disgrace, behaved as a Cage Stage Calvinist in that classic post from Neil Carter.

And so have the Calvinists who’ve abused and sneered at me over the years. They weren’t newbies to Calvinism. Many were local leaders in their groups, even, and moderators in their online spaces.

It’s so weird how Calvinists correctly describe this behavior, but can’t accurately identify who’s doing it.

Why These Errors Will Keep Cage Stage Calvinists Frolicking Freely.

As we see when Christians blame their worst problems on a few bad apples, if Calvinists can’t figure out how widespread and pervasive “Cage Stage” behavior really is, and then work out why it happens at all, then they can’t really address it.

As long as Calvinists derisively dismiss obnoxious and judgmental behavior as a product of incorrect Jesus-ing and inexperience, as long as it’s the province of new converts, they won’t be able to rein it in. Heck, I’m not sure their biggest leaders could rein it in even if they wanted to try. As noted, Sye Ten Bruggencate himself displayed these traits!

And as long as Calvinists dismiss criticisms of their behavior as the result of ignorance, as the product of doctrinal ignorance in particular (when really, we don’t need to know a thing about someone’s beliefs to identify them as awful), they won’t feel any need to change.

(It’ll always be easier for toxic Christians to try to silence their critics than fix the problems causing the criticism.)

But that’s the nice thing about Calvinism. Like all wingnut belief systems, this one’s self-reinforcing! If people criticize Calvinists’ behavior, Calvinism itself provides its followers plenty of tools for dismissing that criticism.

Ultimately, the self-reinforcing nature of Calvinism might be why Calvinists like it so much.

NEXT UP: A power struggle at a Florida megachurch highlights some serious issues within evangelicalism as a whole. See you tomorrow!

Please Support What I Do!

Come join us on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter! (Also Instagram, where I mostly post cat pictures, and Pinterest, where I sometimes post vintage recipes from my mom’s old recipe box.) Also please check out our Graceful Atheist podcast interview!

If you like what you see, I gratefully welcome your support. Please consider becoming one of my monthly patrons via Patreon with Roll to Disbelieve for as little as $1/month!

My PayPal is [email protected] (that’s an underscore in there) for one-time tips. You can also support this blog at no extra cost to yourself by beginning your Amazon shopping trips with my affiliate link. And, of course, please like and share my posts on social media!

This blog exists because of readers’ support! I appreciate every single bit of it. Thank you. <3

Christianity's Decline

Current Events

Guides

Authoritarian Leaders and Followers

Hypocrisy

Love is Hate (Hate is Love)

Reformed Theology (Calvinism)

Silencing Tactics

Social media

About Captain Cassidy

Captain Cassidy grew up fervently Catholic, converted to the SBC in her teens, and became a Pentecostal shortly afterward. She even volunteered in church (choir, Sunday School) and married an aspiring preacher! But then--record scratch!--she brought everything to a screeching halt when she deconverted in her mid-20s. That was 25 years ago. Now a comfortable None, she blogs on Roll to Disbelieve about psychology, pop culture, politics, relationships, cats, gaming, and more--and where they all intersect with religion. She lives with an adored and adoring husband named Mr. Captain and a sweet, squawky orange tabby cat named Princess Bother Pretty Toes. At any given time, she's running out of bookcase space. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

August 27, 2021

The Silence of Pamphile of Epidaurus (1st-Century Fridays #10)

Next Post

August 29, 2021 Megapastor Todd Elliott and the Church Mutiny

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Animals AntiMLM Biography Christianity's Decline Current Events Feminism Gaming Guides History Hypocrisy LGBTQIA Lord Snow Presides Meta Off-Topic Politics Religion Reviews Scandals Science Series Super Specials The Games We Play Theology This Present Darkness Uncategorized

Select a Month December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

True or False: Solomon asked God for wisdom rather than wealth or long life.

Select your answer to see how you score.

FALSE TRUE

Support this
Column