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Non-denominational Money? (Satire Warning)

Non-denominational Money? (Satire Warning)

Last updated on: April 5, 2026 at 9:44 am by Roger E. Olson

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Non-denominational Money? (Satire Warning) 2026-04-05T09:44:48-05:00 Roger E. Olson

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A story: The other day I needed some cash. So I went to the bank but the ATM was down. So I stood in line at the teller window. When I reached the front of the line and looked at the teller I told him I wanted some cash. I put my debit card in the little machine and gave him my id. He asked me “What amount?” I answered “one hundred dollars.” He said “What denominations?”

I responded very seriously “I’m non-denominational and so is my billfold, so I don’t want any denominations. We live in a post-denominational age, you know.”

The teller look at me quizzically as if I were joking. He said “Okay, that’s funny, I guess. But what denominations of cash do you want your one hundred dollars in?”

I replied “Oh, I see. You must be old fashioned, old school. Don’t you know we now live in a nondenominational age? Especially us younger people avoid denominations.”

The teller looked at me with a sly smile, reached into a drawer, and drew out several realistic bills of paper money. He handed some to me. I looked at them. They looked somewhat real but had no numbers designating what amounts they were worth. “What’s this? I asked him.” He replied “Non-denominational money. I’ve had a few customers, depositors, like you before. I’m always prepared now.”

I said “But I can’t use these bills; they have no amounts. They’re not real money.”

He said “Oh, but they are. They’re new. Study the bills carefully. The amounts are hidden. Most people can’t find them. They’re specially made for non-denominational people like you.”

Me: “But how will cashiers know what money I’m giving them?”

Teller: “You could tell them.”

Me: “Oh, no. I don’t believe in denominations.”

Teller: “Ah, well, good luck with that.”

Me: “But are those even real money?”

Teller: “The government says so, but try spending it and find out.”

I frowned at the teller and turned away, stuffing the non-denominational money in my non-denominational billfold.

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