Assault in the Academia: My Meeting at RCA, Part 6

Last updated on: February 18, 2014 at 11:57 am by Guest Contributor

Assault in the Academia: My Meeting at RCA, Part 6 2014-02-18T11:57:00-05:00 Guest Contributor

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

by Andre E. Johnson

R3 Editor

Read the series here

After sending my response, my assailant responded by sending an email to members of the Religious Communication Association (RCA) on our listserve. In the email, he apologized not only to me but also to the members of our Association. In this apology, he claimed his “inappropriate action” during the meeting, recognized it as “presumptuous” and “deeply regretted his action.” He closed by acknowledging his apology in private to me but found it “appropriate and necessary” to offer a “public confession” to me and the membership of RCA. After sending the email on our listserve, he also again sent me an apology and then stated that he hoped that the email to the group was at least a “first step” to reconciliation, but understood that it would “take some time.”

I then talked with RCA officials. They too offered apologies, words of comfort, reassurance, and confession. As I read the emails again, as I played the apologies that I heard in my mind again and again, as I reflected on how angry and hurtful I was; I also began to feel something else. As time went on and as I wrote out my feelings and as I shared this story with others, I began to feel like……dare I say it…….forgiving him and to a lesser degree, some of the members (at least the ones who saw what happened and said nothing) of RCA.

Wait a minute…..I wanted to be mad! I wanted to be angry! I wanted folks to know what happened and I want to shout it from the rooftops. I wanted to write about microaggressionsand engage in some Critical Race Theory. I wanted to talk about RCA’s reputation and the reason why scholars of color stay away from them. I wanted to analyze and examine scholarship within religious communication and note the overwhelming “whiteness” that permeates through the discipline. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to be mad; I wanted to yell and scream; and yes, I wanted to be angry. I wanted to share other folks stories about their abuses at academic conferences—both physical and verbally. I wanted to do this—and do it loudly—but for my own situation, about my slight and my plight, forgiveness was in order. This I do know.

Yeah, I still want to be angry, but I do know that my anger will turn quickly into bitterness and that will not be good for me. It would only stifle my creativity, my scholarship, and my own growth and development. It would make me a less effective pastor and a less able preacher. It would hurt my own relationships—relationships with my wife and others who I care about and affirm and the ones who love me. I know this, I feel this, I understand this, I preach and teach this, but—I still want to be angry.

However, as I reflected on what happened that day, something else came to the forefront. There was a reason why I wanted to stay angry—and that reason has more to do with me than with my assailant or others in that room that did nothing. The reason for my anger was that I thought I should have done something. I thought my response was inadequate. I just let it go and no matter how many people told me they admired me; no matter how many people praise me for my calmness; no matter how many people applauded my non-violent approach to the matter; no matter how many people said they wished they had my restraint, I still thought I should have done something.

Nevertheless, as I continued to go down this road, something else came to me. This something else reminded me that I did indeed do something. Yes, I believed and still believe today that if I had responded violently (physically) to my assailant, I would have been the scapegoat, the problem, the thug, and/or the issue. Moreover, security more than likely would have detained me and I would have risked arrest and seen through the eyes of many throughout the conference as that “wild big black man” (or some other word). In this day and age, I could have been also shot! Even if I would have responded verbally in a loud and angry voice or heavens forbid, curse (as I was doing in my mind), I would have forever been labeled as “hard to deal with,” he’s too sensitive” and other labels that come after an African American express how she or he really feels about something.

I however, did do something. I reclaimed my agency and decided not to respond that way I may have wanted to respond. While I cannot stop people from doing harm to me, I can decide how I want to respond—and the way I decided to respond was to walk away. I reconciled within myself that it was not a weak move, but the better move. The move best empowered me to reclaim my own agency — to do things the way I wanted and to decide how I would respond. In short, I am strong only because I decided how I would respond and the only way for me to do this was by the grace of God.

In addition to sharing the incident with the officials of NCA and RCA, I also decided to share the incident with others through the series of blog posts. I decided to share this incident for two reasons. First, while I do believe in forgiveness, I do not believe in cheap grace. In order to forgive, one must understand what sh

e or he did which I hope these blog posts acknowledges. Second, in my talks with officials from RCA, we both hoped that this could be the proverbial “teaching moment.” This year, NCA will celebrate 100 years of service and RCA will celebrate its 40th year. I think it would be a good time to offer reflections on race and diversity issues. Let us see how far we have really come—but also, let us be truthful with one another and recognize that if assaults on a person’s body still happens, well, we have not come that far. I would like to be a part of those conversations—and yes, I will bring my testimony and experiences within the academy to the table.

So yes, I do forgive my assailant and members of the RCA who stood by and did or said nothing. I do forgive the people who implied that I did something wrong to receive a slap on the head. I do forgive the folks who spoke to me afterwards about everything else but about my assailant and his assault. I do forgive members who I have not heard from after my assailant sent an email out on the listserve. I would have thought by now someone would have reached out to me at least asking what happened and apologizing for the oversight.

So yes, I do forgive—but I do not forget. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Indeed, part of forgiveness is remembering—because one cannot forgive unless one remembers the action the prompts one’s forgiveness. Therefore, I do not forget.

I do not forget what happened on Friday afternoon, November 22, 2013, in the business meeting of the Religious Communication Association—I do not forget. I do not forget my assailant’s feeble and hackneyed attempts at an apology right after the incident—I do not forget. I do not forget the frustration and anger I felt after the incident and how I continued to feel throughout that day—I do not forget. I do not forget the many times I played this incident in my head over and over—questioning at times the very essence of who I thought I was—I do not forget.

Therefore, yes—I do forgive, but I do not forget. It is in my remembering that I gain the power to forgive and the power to continue my work with RCA. Therefore, yes, I look forward to returning to RCA with this newfound spirit and by the grace of God, I will be able to handle whatever one throws my way—always remembering, not forgetting, in order to forgive.

Follow Andre on Twitter @aejohnsonphd
Follow Rhetoric race and Religion on Twitter @examinereligion

Uncategorized

Previous Post

February 18, 2014

Plagiarism, Integrity, and Giving Our Best

Next Post

February 19, 2014 Fiery Rhetoric At Religious Gatherings Becomes Source of Concern in Kenya

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Amy Steele Andre E. Johnson Book Reviews/Series Brian Foulks Call for Chapters Carol Howard Merritt Classes Conferences Contributors Crystal St.Marie Lewis Daniel White Hodge Earle Fisher Eulogy Fredrick Robinson Guest Contributions Henry McNeal Turner Institutes Interviews Joseph Boston Katherine Whitfield Kimberly Peeler-Ringer Lectures/Roundtables Natalie Bullock Brown R3 Book Series R3 Contributor Rashad Grove Readers Reflections Symposiums Teaching Traci Ellis Travis Harris Uncategorized Video

Select a Month June 2020 February 2020 December 2019 November 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 October 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz