“Fulfilled From Within: A Psycho-Spiritual Reflection on Cheating-Pt. 2

Last updated on: September 9, 2013 at 7:00 am by Andre E. Johnson

“Fulfilled From Within: A Psycho-Spiritual Reflection on Cheating-Pt. 2 2013-09-09T07:00:00-05:00 Andre E. Johnson

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by O’Shan Gadsden

R3 Contributor

I have often challenged patients (and myself) to mourn (release the victim identity and create new narratives) what they/I didn’t receive developmentally. This process allows freedom to observe yourself and the other very differently. Additionally, it allows one to appropriately define realistic expectations of the other and grants one the power to take more responsibility for self-care. Perhaps if we begin to heal in this way we would no longer tolerate dishonesty and have deeper discernment.

That brings us to the SOMETHING VALUABLE portion of the word cheating. It seems to me when we start the process mentioned above, we will begin to redefine how we understand value. The most valuable thing we can give ourselves seems to be ourselves! No one can deprive us of that. Not daddy. Not mommy. Not an ex-lover. No one!!! When we begin to tap into our own value. Our own power. Our own beauty. We begin to realize that the love of the other is simply a reflection of our own self-love. The “valuing” the other gives to you is simply a reflection of the value you have already assigned to yourself.

Ask yourself today, what is my value? Can others sense my affirmed self-value? Am I projecting or placing on to others the responsibility of valuing me in ways I don’t even value myself? Are my current relationship woes a reflection of my own inner pain-body?

I submit to you, this is a liberating process. The process of coming into your own. This sets the stage to receiving the other as a treat and not a necessity. This sets the stage for a mutual respectful connection with someone who is on a similar journey. See when you value YOU; you don’t have to trick anyone to stay. You don’t have to suffer with someone who is not on your level of consciousness. You can lovingly and firmly say, I am better than this. And to them, you are better than this. This connection doesn’t challenge either one of us to work through our stuff or live authentically. I release you and me.

So, to the cheaters and the victims of cheating-There is hope! Let us begin the painful process of ending the externalizing of our pain and look inward. Come face-to-face with the areas of pain, self-loathing, fear, and rage that often gets acted out in our relationships and/or projected onto the other. Let us begin to nourish the self. Mourn the past. Affirm that the love and empathy you give to yourself is reflected in the relationships you experience with others.

Let us stop cheating ourselves while expecting our relationships to reflect something else. Affirm it! And so it is!

You can friend O’Shan on Facebook or follow him on Twitter @spiritmusings

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