Learning to Love

Last updated on: April 18, 2024 at 1:48 pm by Richard E. Simmons III

Learning to Love 2024-04-18T13:48:21-06:00 Richard E. Simmons III

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I have always been intrigued by C.S. Lewis’s words describing how you can change your heart over the long haul through your actions. He says once you recognize this to be true, you will have discovered one of life’s great secrets. Lewis says, “When you are behaving as if you love someone, you will soon come to love them.”

Most people assume this involves romantic love, yet it applies to all relationships, for we are called to “love our neighbors as ourself.” This includes friends, neighbors, co-workers, and anyone that God places in our lives.

Tim Keller learned this early in his career as a pastor. A pastor is required to befriend a lot of people he would never otherwise choose as friends. Doctors and counselors talk sympathetically and personally with people, but that happens within the strict confines of the office and the work week. Pastors live with the people they shepherd. They visit with them and eat and play with them, in restaurants and parks and in their homes, all the while talking to them about their life issues and problems.

Keller tells a specific story of how this happened in his own life. It occurred when he was pastoring a church in Hopewell, Virginia. Here is the story in his own words:

Kathy and I had a mid-week day off, and were deciding how to spend it. I thought of a particular couple in the church and proposed that we visit them or have them over. She looked at me astonished and said, “Why on earth?” This particular couple had few or no friends. They had many personal problems that made them unattractive to others and indeed to each other. Kathy certainly understood the need to see them and spend time with them, but this was our day off, and surely time with this couple was ministry “work.”

For a moment I was surprised by her surprise, and then I laughed when I saw what had happened. For months I had been investing much time, thought, and emotion into helping this couple move forward in life. In short, I had been doing various actions of love-listening, serving, sympathizing, confronting, forgiving, affirming, sharing. And after all that, I realized, I’d actually come to like them.

Why did that happen? Was it because I was so holy and spiritual? No, not in the slightest. It was because I’d stumbled onto this practical principle. I had been loving them even when I didn’t like them, and the result was that, slowly but surely, my emotions were catching up with my behavior. If you do not give up, but proceed to love the unlovely in a sustained way, they will eventually become lovely to you.

When you consider your feelings toward someone and the way you treat them, remember it is your actions you have control over. It is the action of love that we can maintain every day. Therefore we must always remember we can change our heart over the long haul through our actions.

Richard E Simmons III is the founder and Executive Director of The Center for Executive Leadership and a best-selling author.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

April 11, 2024

The Power of the Acorn

Next Post

April 26, 2024 What Really Matters

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Character Development Inspiration Leadership Life Purpose Personal Growth Relationships Seeking God Spiritual Truth The Bible True Masculinity Uncategorized Wisdom

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Psalm expresses confession: "Against you, you only, have I sinned"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Psalm 24 Psalm 73 Psalm 51 Psalm 100