{"id":684,"date":"2024-06-19T06:00:32","date_gmt":"2024-06-19T13:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/relationshipmatters\/?p=684"},"modified":"2024-06-19T17:32:41","modified_gmt":"2024-06-20T00:32:41","slug":"you-dont-have-to-like-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/relationshipmatters\/2024\/06\/you-dont-have-to-like-me\/","title":{"rendered":"You Don\u2019t Have To Like Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Do You Like Me?
Image by Hai Nguyen Tien<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

The desire to be liked and approved by others runs deep in most of us\u2014maybe all<\/em> of us. We are wired to connect with other humans and made to be in meaningful relationships. And when we know or sense that someone in our sphere of influence doesn\u2019t like us, it hurts.<\/span><\/p>\n

From the time we start school as young children, we do whatever we can to gain the acceptance and approval of others. <\/span><\/p>\n

• \nIf we\u2019re nerdy, we play the smart card. <\/span><\/li>\nIf we\u2019re goofy, we play the fun card.<\/span><\/li>\nIf we\u2019re athletic, we play the jock card.<\/span><\/li>\n

  If we\u2019re musical, we play anything to fit in with others like us. Hoping beyond hope that others will embrace us as valuable.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n*
  ** As we enter our teen years, we might feign apathy and act as if we don\u2019t care about being liked, but we do care<\/em>. A lot.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** Over time, after a broken heart or two or twenty, and after rejection after rejection, we typically withdraw in an act of self-preservation. However, our retreat from people doesn\u2019t stop our deep-seated need to be recognized and accepted.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** *Of course, some seem to be liked by everyone, but even those chosen few wrestle with a latent fear of falling out of grace with their peers. These popular peeps know how fickle fame can be, and they are painfully aware of the unpredictable nature of mere humans. <\/span><\/p>\n

  I liked this article by David Matthew Brown<\/a> where he says our \u201cneed to be approved and proved can be like a drug.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

  Are We Friends?*
  *Image by Pexels<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

  We all long for love.<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n***
  ** We all want to be valued.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** We all desire to be desired.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** We all check the number of Facebook likes on our latest post.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** I am keenly aware that people always evaluate what I write or what I say in a talk. Regularly people are appraising me and my abilities (or lack thereof).<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** Is he funny? Is he practical? Is he inspiring? Is he biblical and sound? Is he smart? Do I like his style? Do I like the way he writes? Do I relate to him? Do I understand him?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n
  ** Those questions run through my readers\u2019 and listeners\u2019 hearts and minds.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** Of course, others are asking different questions.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** Have I heard this before? Is that content going to help me grow? Why does he care so much about this topic? Why should I care? Does Kurt care about me?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n
  ** ***When I write a blog, column article, or book, the tape playing in my mind often asks, Will this resonate with the reader?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

  Like you, I want to be liked, accepted, and approved of rather than rejected. (By the way, here\u2019s another interesting article<\/a> about this issue.)<\/span><\/p>\n

  Lessons Finally Learned!*****
  *****mage by Amore Seymour<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nBut here are some realities I wish I would have learned decades ago: <\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n\nEverything you do is a <\/span>bridge<\/span><\/em> to some and a <\/span>barrier to<\/span><\/em> others. Some will be drawn to you, your style, and your personality. Others, not so much, and it\u2019s okay.<\/span><\/li>\nIf you constantly strive for people\u2019s approval, you will find it difficult, maybe impossible, to be consistently faithful to God and His call. You simply won\u2019t be esteemed by everyone, and attempting to be is an effort in futility. It\u2019s okay that not everyone likes you. Really.<\/li>\nBecause you failed to meet expectations (reasonable or not), early fans sometimes become later critics, and that\u2019s okay, too. You\u2019re never going to keep everybody happy all of the time.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\nSo, what can you do?<\/strong><\/h2>\n*********
  ** In the words of Brennan Manning, \u201cBe who you is or you is who you ain\u2019t!\u201d Today, to the fullest extent possible, be who God created you to be. Be in Christ. Be real. Be true to yourself if you want to be true to others.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** Of course, we need to grow. Without a doubt, plenty of character issues need to be addressed. I\u2019m not suggesting that you or I wallow in the wastelands of idiocy.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** *********But if you are not comfortable in your own skin and accepting of who you are today, right now, then you\u2019re destined to be a grumpy, bitter, and depressed soul.<\/span><\/p>\n********

  For some, my current mental, physical, or spiritual condition may be intolerable, and they don\u2019t like me. Last week, I wrote about modern-day Pharisees and masturbation<\/a> and got a lot of negative feedback.<\/span><\/p>\n

  It\u2019s okay.<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

  I Am What I Am\u2026And It\u2019s Okay.***********
  ***********Image by Jake Aldridge<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n***********
  ** It is what it is. I am what I am. And I\u2019m okay with not everyone liking me or what I write.<\/p>\n
  ** Are you? I hope and pray so.<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** I\u2019m no Jesus, and even He was despised and rejected. Why should you or I expect to be loved, accepted, or liked by everyone?<\/span><\/p>\n
  ** ***********The bottom line <\/span><\/strong>is that to live uncontrolled by the need to be liked by all is liberating, the path to abiding joy, and the only way to live first and foremost for your audience of One (i.e., Jesus)!<\/span><\/p>\n

  Jesus did not fully trust humans. <\/span>He knew what people are like.<\/h4>\nHe didn\u2019t need anyone to tell him what people are like.<\/span><\/h4>\n
  He already knew why people do what they do.\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n
  John 2:24-25\u00a0 (NIRV)<\/span><\/h4>\n
  You can find out more about Kurt Bubna and his writing on Twitter<\/strong><\/a> and\u00a0Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. You can read more about his views and insights, both in his books<\/a><\/strong> and on his website<\/strong><\/a>.<\/h3>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"***************
  ** ***************The desire to be liked and approved by others runs deep in most of us\u2014maybe all of us. We are wired to connect with other humans and made to be in meaningful relationships. And when we know or sense that someone in our sphere of influence doesn\u2019t like us, it hurts. From the time we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5564,"featured_media":693,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,122],"tags":[234,240,17,243,231,237],"class_list":["post-684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-relational-health","category-insights-on-being-human","tag-accepted","tag-chosen","tag-friends","tag-loved","tag-to-be-liked","tag-vauled-for-who-we-are"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Don\u2019t Have To Like Me<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The desire to be liked and approved by others runs deep in most of us\u2014maybe all of us. 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