The Feline Love Guru

Last updated on: February 4, 2015 at 1:48 pm by Rebecca Frech

The Feline Love Guru 2015-02-04T13:48:23-05:00 Rebecca Frech

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My eldest daughter’s cat, Yzma, has been visiting us for a few weeks while my daughter moves into her new apartment. Yzma was scheduled to be spayed this past week, but went into heat instead. For the last four days, she’s been yowling incessantly as the rest of us have struggled to stay sane in spite of her.

This morning, my 5-year-old decided that he’d heard enough, and sat down to have a heart-to-heart with the kitty. He’s a big believer in tough love. Here’s what he told her:

“Hey, cat, so here’s the thing – you’re never going to get a boyfriend. It’s just not going to happen. You’re loud and ‘noxious. You’re pretty much the worst singer ever. You hurt everyone’s ears and I don’t know why they don’t tell you so I will. Plus, you keep flopping on the floor in front of everyone and tripping them, and boys don’t like that. I know because I’m a boy and I don’t. You need to stop. And I don’t know why you want to get married anyway because then you would have to go live with your husband and what if you don’t like his family? Have you even thought about that? No. You didn’t. So you’re welcome. Now stop.”

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