(Insert Unpleasant Gagging Sound Here)

Last updated on: August 22, 2014 at 3:56 pm by Rebecca Frech

(Insert Unpleasant Gagging Sound Here) 2014-08-22T15:56:14-05:00 Rebecca Frech

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Due to some medical issues I’ve been having lately, I’ve been ordered by the doctor to lose some weight and avoid constipation as if my life depended on it. It doesn’t, but she wants me to pretend that it does. Whatever. The bad part is the part where she told me to restrict my diet to 1200 calories a day and drink a glass of prune juice every morning.

Prune juice is vile. I know because I’ve tried every brand in the supermarket and they are all disgusting black slimy glop. Yum-yum. I think we should find the person who decided to take a dried up fruit and squeeze the juice out of it (how does that even make sense? It’s dried…it shouldn’t have juice.) and we should hang him for crimes against humanity. He’s not the worst person to ever live, but after two weeks of drinking his creation I can tell you that he is among the most sadistic. Yuck!

To add insult to injury, the 180 calories from my morning beverage count towards my 1200 daily limit. This is just wrong. Not only do I have to drink it, but for this caloric number I could be eating something really good for me like Pop Tarts. What is this world coming to when you can’t eat a Snickers bar because you had to drink your prune juice? It has turned upside down, that’s what. Crazy mixed up world where I hear myself say things like “It tastes much better when it’s cold.” LIAR! It is not better. It is simply less nasty. All I know is that I’m offering this up. Drinking prune juice every morning has to be good for a little Purgatory Time Off…doesn’t it?

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