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Rebecca Florence Miller

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50 Shades of Grey Glamorizes Intimate Partner Violence

50 Shades of Grey Glamorizes Intimate Partner Violence

Last updated on: February 10, 2015 at 1:03 pm by Rebecca Florence Miller

50 Shades of Grey Glamorizes Intimate Partner Violence 2015-02-10T13:03:07-06:00 Rebecca Florence Miller

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I’m not at a loss for reasons to dislike 50 Shades of Grey. I’ve heard enough quotes and enough opinions of publishing professionals to regard its hackneyed writing with disdain. I’ve written previously that for Christian women it doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense for us to tell husbands not to watch porn if we’re reading porn. And I’m definitely not a fan of the whole, “Yeah, he’s damaged, but I’ll fix him and live happily ever after” trope of the romance genre. It simply echoes too many forlorn themes of our popular society entirely too tellingly.

So why did it take until recently for me to pick up on the fact that this is a depiction of a intimate partner violence? I think it’s a combination of factors. First of all, I’ve heard plenty of women giggle about this “dirty” book as if it is just a fun beach read that added a little extra excitement to their lives. Second, initially most of the Christian commentary I heard on it criticized it as pornography–which I criticize it for as well–but didn’t go on to describe the dangerous relationship dynamics. This may partly be because a lot of us in the Christian blogosphere were relying on secular descriptions of the book and not reading it ourselves. More recently, I heard a broadcast on Focus on the Family that did discuss the violence in the book toward the female character.

Indeed, I almost will never comment on a piece of popular culture without viewing it or reading it myself. I do think it’s important to know what you’re talking about. In this case, I’m going to comment because I think it is so important and because I personally think this would be a damaging thing for me to read or watch. But I did take the time to read sources outside the Christian blogosphere. And what they are telling me about 50 Shades of Grey is much, much worse than I thought it was.

It’s not a romance. It’s a horror story.

According to Amy E. Bonomi, Lauren E. Altenburger, and Nicole L. Walton in the Journal of Women’s Health (TRIGGER WARNING):

Using the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s definitions for intimate partner violence, 50 Shades does in fact depict the physical violence, sexual violence, threats, emotional abuse, and stalking behaviors that are common to intimate partner violence.
In the book, the main female character, Anastasia, is distraught about what she is experiencing with Christian (the main male character and practitioner of non-consenting BDSM), and frequently tries to manage his moods by giving in to behaviors that she is not comfortable with. The authors quote Anastasia: “I don’t want him to beat me. is that so unreasonable?”
Anastasia is actually afraid of Christian Grey. But she keeps believing if she gives in enough, she will change him. This is a huge part of the pattern in intimate partner violence. “Nearly every interaction with Christian involves Anastasia feeling a sense of ‘threat'” (737).
Christian Grey frequently gets Anastasia drunk, thereby limiting her ability to actually consent to the sex acts he proposes. Once, she awakens in bed, undressed, not knowing what has happened. (This sounds more like the Bill Cosby abuse scenario than a romance novel!)
Anastasia increasingly only cares about what Christian Grey wants and needs. Her own needs, fears, and discomfort are marginalized and subsumed by his never-ending need for control and dominance. She believes if she joins him in the darkness, she will be able to bring him into the light. But rather than the situation growing better, it gets worse and worse. The first book ends with Anastasia being beaten with a belt.

Does this sound like a healthy, fun, breezy beach read? That’s what millions of American women have told us it is. To me, it sounds like a horror story. Even those who engage in what I would call the questionable lifestyle of BDSM would say this is horrifying because there is no mutual consent here. There is only one partner always getting his way and manipulating consent.

The authors of the article in the Journal of Women’s Health chose to address this book because they believe “underlying societal conditions create the context for [intimate partner violence] to occur, including the normalization and romanticizing of violence in popular culture” (733).

So now we have the film version of this book opening on Valentine’s Day. What a great way to celebrate with your honey, huh? Go watch a guy abuse, debase, and terrify his intimate partner! Romantic!

I am not a fan of boycotts because normally they are little more than a hissy fit in the larger culture war. But I want to recommend a boycott to you of this film. Maybe like me you weren’t likely to see the film anyway. Well, the boycott I want to tell you about will still give you an important action step that will go beyond just sanctimony and help you to do some positive good in a culture where we still have not convinced many people that “no means no!” A culture where many people still do not understand the fundamental elements of consent. A culture where all too many women are still beaten and abused and told to stay and take it.

I am speaking of the campaign which is being promoted by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. They are using the hashtags #50DollarsNot50Shades and #fiftyshadesisabuse across social media to raise public awareness of the abuses which are glamorized in 50 Shades. They have a number of helpful resources on their website to help answer questions and address the specific problems in the story. Second, they are recommending donating whatever amount you can afford to your local women’s shelter to help care for women who have been victimized by intimate partner violence.

Will you do these things? Will you do what you can to help women who have been broken and beaten down by the person they most trusted? Will you work together with this fine organization to speak out against the lies inherent in this story?

If you are a woman who is being abused, will you reach out to your local women’s shelter for advice and help? You can find a list of shelters and contact information here.

Comment note: Please keep comments PG-rated. This isn’t going to be a helpful forum for graphic sexual content or a discussion of BDSM. What I would like to see us discuss is the incredibly pervasive problem of intimate partner violence, the causes of it, how this story contributes to it, and how we can all help stamp out this scourge on our nation’s heart and soul.

Source: Bonomi, Amy E.; Altenburger, Lauren E.; and Nicole L. Walton. “‘Double Crap!’ Abuse and Harmed Identity in Fifty Shades of Grey.” Journal of Women’s Health Vol. 22, Number 9 (2013): 733-44. Print.

This post is written as part of the Valentine’s Day topic page here at Patheos.

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Community discussion guidelines:

Because this is a Christian blog, the things I’m talking about will obviously be topics that people feel strongly about in one direction or another. Please keep in mind that this is a place for substantive, respectful conversation. All perspectives are welcome to discuss here as long as all can treat each other with kindness and respect. Please ignore trolls, refuse to engage in personal attacks, and observe the comment policy listed on the right side of the page. Comments that violate these guidelines may be deleted. For those who clearly violate these policies repeatedly, my policy is to issue a warning which, if not regarded, may lead to blacklisting. This is not about censorship, but about creating a healthy, respectful environment for discussion.

P.S. Please also note that I am not a scientist, but a person with expertise in theology and the arts. While I am very interested in the relationship between science and faith, I do not believe I personally will be able to adequately address the many questions that inevitably come up related to science and religion. I encourage you to seek out the writings of theistic or Christian scientists to help with those discussions.

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#50dollarsnot50shades

#fiftyshadesisabuse

50 Shades of Grey

Intimate Partner Violence

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